away the other way

went for my walk today
thought I'd walk the other way
so I wouldn't run into you
you can imagine my surprise
it was like I had just opened my eyes
and a whole different world
came into view
walking away the other way
from you

handout

my conscience is clear
I don't want dirty money
if I have to be you
a smile as insincere
as your's strikes me as funny
since you don't have a clue

          gimme a handout
          you know I need it
          you know what I'll do
          if I don't receive it
          gimme a handout
          you know what I need

More storytelling...

Introduction:

song: Mockingbird

I just did what I was not supposed to do: make music

• discouragement of music
• self (mis)education of music
• becoming a songwriter

I entered, and was not selected for the new folk competition. I was furious and, from that moment on, determined to get in the contest.

• entering year after year
• rejection year after year
• entering and being selected to compete at Columbia River Folk Music Festival
• invitation to play main stage at Kerrville

performance of "I Could be Great at Romance" (1 verse)

I worked everyday for my appearance in front of the Kerrville audience.

• being on stage and performance
• realization that I was being paid, etc, for performing songs that had previously been rejected.

Conclusion

What did I learn? That it's really fun to compete if you're the winner and that, ultimately, it really is only the song that matters.

But it is fun. And so is the feeling of victory and vindication.

born middle aged

I was born middle aged
I never had the chance to be young
I was born middle aged
I never had the change to be young
when you're born middle aged
bitterness is your native tongue

I never learned from no one
I had to figure out on my own
the stuff I never learned from no one
I figured it out on my own
nowhere was my destination
that's my "home sweet home"

storytelling/music #3

Intro

musical background and (mis)education

• writing songs
• teaching brother
• school chorus

Body 

what this did was make me in charge of my own education. 

• library
• radio
• radio announcers

by my late teens, I had a self-identity as a songwriter, hard-won by perseverance and stubbornness. Reading a library copy of Guitar Player Magazine, I found a small item about a songwriting competition at the Kerrville Folk Festival in the hill country of Texas.

• entering competition
• losing competition
• making it one off my life's missions
• year after year of losing

I went from being young to nearly middle aged in 1992, when I entered the Columbia River Folk Music Festival.

• competing and winning
• chosen by festival producer
• being booked for Kerrville

Preparing for appearance and performing

• knowing everything by heart
• bee charging
• realizing the songs' non-placement in contests
• the zone, of sorts

Conclusion

• being paid, hotel, flight, tickets for forever
• I'll never learn what winning is like. I did learn, however, about the luxury of air-conditioning in one of Kerrville's finest hotels. I set the temperature at 60 degrees and if I hadn't fallen asleep first, victorious and vindicated.

I can't feel love

I feel angry
I feel sad
I wear my heart on my sleeve
like other people wear plaid
I feel emotions
you've never ever heard of
except for one:
I can't feel love

I feel empathy
I feel sympathy
I feel feelings up and down
every inch of me
now I feel like I've felt enough
but one's undone
I can't feel love

          I've tried and I've tried
          but I'm empty inside
          life has denied all its perks
          I've planned and I've pleaded
          for what I need
          but my heart refuses to work

I feel you
I feel me
I feel like maybe something
we were meant to be
but my fears come back
and always call my bluff
playing too rough
I can't feel love
I can't feel love

beginning of 3rd storytelling plan

Introduction:

I was not supposed to play music.

     1. brothers' future in music
           a) pedal steel and classical
           b) teaching guitar

     2. educational system
           a) Rejection
           b) no chances, no one noticed
           c) "self taught"

Body:

When you come from that kind of musical background, you can become defensive and possessive. And that's the frame of mind I was in when I entered my first songwriting competition.

      1. musical education, or lack of
      2. Wrote from an early age...but it was natural. I couldn't not write 
           songs.

      1. I entered a new song and was crushed when I was not selected
          to compete. I couldn't believe that there were 20 songwriters                   considered better than me. The fools! The audacity!

       2. I tried, year after year, to get into the new folk competition...

                            
       To be continued...