Saturday, February 24, 2018

calm


I wanna be calm
I want brain cells to slide
back inside
where they're supposed to be
I wanna be calm
take me far away
I need to stay
not too close to me
can't you see
that I, I, I, I
don't know what to do
I wanna be calm
just like you

I wanna be normal
I want to find myself
like everybody else
not be such a freak
I'm not so horrible
I want to be someone
I can count upon
so to speak
I can't compete
because I, I, I, I
am lost as lost can be
I wanna be calm
please pass me the bong
I wanna be calm
just like you
and not like me


Friday, February 23, 2018

night


the night is a haunted daydream
the night is where I disappear
the night is spending my money
on cocaine, women and beer
the night hollers
"boy, where's your sense at?"
the boy hollers
"hey! I'm standing right here!"
the night is a few darkened hours
made up of a lifetime of fear


Thursday, February 22, 2018

woe is me


I don't want to do what's right
I want to stay up all night
think too much by candlelight
oh, woe is me
I just want to do what's wrong
play the blues an sing along
I'm too damn weak to be strong
oh, woe is me

          woe is me
          can't you see
          it's the only way
          I know how to be
          you may disagree
          you may not be pleased
          but I'm down on my knees
          woe is me


Wednesday, February 21, 2018

born middle aged (new verses)


when I was a boy
I looked out the window to see
when I was a boy I looked out then window
what did I see
other children
a lot more normal than me

I wanted to be special
but I always knew my place
I was not a child who smiled
I always knew my place
right at the back the line
of the entire human race


Tuesday, February 20, 2018

headless chicken


mental illness comes raging, raging
into your brain
something flips on a switch
and then nothing's the same
and you have to believe it
you have to believe it
your mind can't conceive what's real
'cause you really can't see it
you simply must be it
the enemy in whatever you feel

mental illness comes calling, falling
into your front door
pounding, ringing, lying, lying
more each time than before
and still you believe it
still you believe
you panic as if it's the truth
your mind runs around
like a headless chicken
trying to do
exactly what it can't do

because
mental illness will find you
remind you
that all that you stand for is falling
don't answer the door
please learn from before
ignore
mental illness is calling


Monday, February 19, 2018

I did not eat the donut


today I did not eat the donut
today I did not smoke all my weed
today I am depriving myself
of all I emotionally need
today I did not drink the whiskey
today I did not buy a gun
today I entirely made damn well sure
I wouldn't have any fun

today I called my sponsor
today I took my meds
today I took all of the steps
to make sure I don't wake up dead
today I stayed hydrated
which meant all day I had to pee
man, what a pain in the fuckin' ass
it makes to take care of me

          I could do as I please
          but small victories
          are all that keep me alive
          I spend all day long
          on the right side of wrong
          the only way I'll survive
          (or so they tell me...)

today I intend to be mindful
today I intend to try hard
today I intend to open the door
and walk outside the front yard
today I did not eat the donut
I did not give in to my sorrow
today I did most all that I could
to face another tomorrow


Sunday, February 18, 2018

imaginary life


every morning I wake up
and look at my Oscar
that's right, an academy award
I never feel like 
I'm an imposter
in fact, I'm well aware
it's much deserved

welcome to my
imaginary life
welome to my
imaginary life