It wouldn't hurt none, I figure

I'm sorry I haven't been around much, man. I been writing up a fuckin' storm, though I haven't completely finished a workable first draft of anything I particularly like. But that's okay, you know? 

Maybe you need to look over the stuff you've written to see if there's anything you can use, farmboy. 

Yeah, I've been thinking about doing just that. It wouldn't hurt none, I figure.

In the meantime, I've finally gotten around to reading Bob Dylan's memoir. It's pretty fuckin' amazing, man. It is so fuckin' well written. His descriptions are so visual. 

Well, you know, he is Bob Dylan...

I know. He should be a good writer, you know?

The stuff from the earlier folk days fascinates me, man. It's hard to believe that folk music was  once such a big deal in popular music. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. The more something gets popular the less intimate it becomes, it seems.

It's inevitable.

Yeah, I guess it is. 

Anyway, it's an amazing book. You can borrow it after I'm finished with it, man.

prove me wrong

I always thought a girl like you
would never look my way
I never knew
if dreams comes true
but I'm feeling like they may
I've always felt like there was no place
where I belonged
so do me a favor
do me right
prove me wrong

some random words

I should have turned that way
but I turned this way instead
I shouldn't have gone to work today
I should have stayed in bed

refrigerator

refrigerator
humming barbershop quartet
can I hum along?

happy as a clam

I was looked over by the tourists
in total disgust
when I opened up the letter
that informed me I must
do everything better
if I was to adjust 
to who I am
look at me
I'm happy as a clam

I felt like November 
in the merry month of May
I was trying to remember
what it was I had to say
should I fly east to Denver
or west to South Vietnam
I don't care
I'm happy as a clam

okay

everything is okay
there is no reason to panic
life is a sailing ship
and it's not the Titanic
nobody's honor has been offended
all my words stand self-defended
all the conclusions are open-ended
nothing more to say
I'm okay

my life is okay
there's no need to be resentful 
no worries here
life is blessedly uneventful
one lesson I keep learning:
the world keeps on turning
while the walls are slowly burning
but what can I say?
I'm okay

silver

I wish I had met you
when I was young
and not afraid to dream
you with your hair 
silk and silver
looking your age
sweet seventeen

Luxury

So it's a three-day weekend and I've got weed and a pizza and two new CDs. This is gonna be a real nice few days.

Glad to hear it, farmboy. You deserve it. What CDs did you buy? You hardly ever buy CDs.

Yeah, I know. They were both on sale so they didn't cost too much. But it is a luxury. I bought the new ones by the National and Vampire Weekend. I'm listening to the National right now. It sounds really good.

So I'm gonna try and leave all my fuckin' work headaches for a while. 

Have a fun time, farmboy.

Thanks, man. I'm gonna.

porn star

I'd like to be a porn star
but what if it's a real drag
making sure your body's perfect
and nothing ever sags
or deflates
or bulges
or rises up at the wrong time
I'm not sure that I
should be a porn star

breathe

in and out
like an accordion
twist and shout
your native tongue
oxygen
is your best friend
when it ends
up in your lungs

breathe
go ahead and breathe
life's a little magic
hidden up your sleeve
breathe

from the tip top 
of your body
to the bottom 
of your diaphragm
it's like a black belt
in karate
gets you out of
traffic jams

breathe
go ahead and breathe
it'll help you 
like you won't believe

from deep dark dixie
to the banks of the ohio
if your heart is hot
or twenty-five below
may calmness follow you
wherever you may go

breathe
go ahead and breathe
life is a tapestry to weave
breathe

something to say

it's always the same
it starts like this:
the moonlight might be
betrayed by a kiss
dreams glisten like silver
the redwoods on fire
all that you know
is burning desire
and you listen 
and you learn
and your voice
waits its turn
until you can be silent no more
you know 
you have something to say

Life in the big city

Another fuckin' work week, man. But this coming weekend is a three-day one!

Memorial Day. The unofficial start of summer, farmboy.

Really? I'm not sure I agree with that. I mean, school is still on...

I think that it's more economics. And media: this is the first been weekend for summer movies, those exciting blockbuster movies.

I swear, it's always about Hollywood.

That's life in the big city, farmboy.

So life in the big city is an illusion? Is that what you're saying, man?

It's just a phrase. 

Good. I'm not into cities too much. I prefer the country, or at least a small town. I'm a simple guy, you know? I like things simple. Life is too fuckin' complicated, man.

the window is open

the window is open
in the bathroom.
I sit on the edge of the bathtub,
relaxing as the wind
blows soft on my back
like I imagine
some old lover might.

it is good to not wear a shirt.
it feels good to have bare skin.
it feels good to be male.

everything is forgiven

everything is forgiven
there is no bad blood between us
you no good son-of-a-penis
you're an asshole
through and through
everything is forgiven
you spent low-rent sapsucker
you're a regular forrest tucker
aren't you?

what's that you're saying
I hold a grudge?
what do you mean
that I don't budge?
you low-life sack of shit
fudge you!

everything is forgiven
all the world is hunky-dory
now you, that's another story
that's why you're history
everything is forgiven
I know which one is which now
you two-timing mouth-breathing bitch now
stay the fuck away from me

Some kind of song that will make me happy

I'm trying to write something, man.Some kind of song that will make me happy. I'm thinking, what do I want in my song? I'm not sure how much you can plan this creative stuff, you know?

Just relax, farmboy. The inspiration will come. Trust that. You don't need to force anything...

That's what my father always told me, man: To not force things. So how do I write without forcing things?

Just write. It will come.

Well, man, that's what I'm doing. And it fuckin' better work.

multi-fuckin'-tasking

trying to do
too many things at once
doesn't accomplish anything

I don't know if that's true
but it feels that way today

I need to learn 
to bend with time
that's just a natural fact

Feels like a sin

Man, I tell you, I cannot wait for this fuckin' school year to end. Which is not new news, I know, but...I don't know...I guess I thought I'd tell you. I'm just impatient, man.

I know, farmboy. You go through this restlessness every year around this time. Summer's coming, farmboy. It's coming fast.

I know. I gotta think of things to keep myself occupied in the meantime. I write, I play guitar. I've started watching Arrested Development, a TV show I've somehow missed out on all these years. I'm enjoying it.

So I really want this summer to be good. So I'm planning for it. I'm gonna play at two hospitals for the kids this summer. I want to be outside more, I want to be more active. I even want to be more social.

That could all very much happen.

Man, I hope so. I hate to waste summer. Feels like a sin, you know? Nice weather, for the most part, a change of scenery in some ways. Hopefully maybe I'll go some place.

But until then...

...you've got the rest of the school year to ride out.

The rest of the fuckin' school year, man.

On to tomorrow

It's a tough one, it is, this life. Not a good day, man, but it's fuckin' over and that's a good thing.

You never have to experience it again, farmboy.

Yeah. You just keep moving on to tomorrow, whether you want to or not. That's one of the few good things about time, I think. When you keep on moving, you probably leave a few things behind.

diving board

every second 
you spend in panic
standing on the diving board
is one second closer
to certain failure

in other words:
trust your fucking instincts

world without your love

I want to believe
life has a little bit of something
up its sleeve
worth hanging around for
I can't conceive
of living in a world without your love

native tongue

my mother told me
when I was very young
don't let bitter words
become your native tongue

I got a sugar

I got a sugar
she's as sweet as can be
sweeter than the honey
from the honeybee
every time she smiles at me
my heart begins to sing
I got a sugar
sweet as cherry pie
all the boys whistle 
when she walks by
I hope that one day
she'll decide
to wear my wedding ring

hound dogs howl

electric fan
spinning with speed
bringing relief
that bare skin needs

crickets chirp
hound dogs howl
communicate
like I don't know how

and here I am
in the middle of spring
waiting for summer
to give me my wings

Pissin' in the wind

I gotta watch it, man. I'm in one of my moods.

And what kind of mood is that, farmboy?

You know, one of my moods where I feel depressed and victimized and hopeless. It's so fuckin' awful but I have to deal with it. I wish I had some weed. But I don't. So I'm just gonna have to write off today as one of those useless days and just start again fresh tomorrow.

I'm sorry you're not feeling good. Is there any way I can help?

You're listening to me and that's help enough. Thanks, man. I feel sometimes like nobody listens to me...or, rather, that I'm just pissin' in the wind, you know?

Good title for a song, don't you think? "Pissin' in the wind?"

Yeah. Too bad I swiped it from Jerry Jeff Walker.

So, anyway, I just feel inconsequential. Nothing I do really matters. I don't have a say in anything. I feel like I barely have choices in my own life. I mean, I feel like I'm working just so I can benefit the fuckin' health insurance people at Providence Health Services, motherfucking assholes that they are. They fuckin' own my life now. What a bunch of pricks.

And there's a lot more that I feel angry at, but I just don't want to let it out, you know? Anger gets hold of me and never lets go. There's nothing in it for me. That's one thing I've learned in my life. So I have to hold everything in or else I'm gonna fuckin' explode. It's a good thing that I play music. Otherwise I'd probably be one of those people that goes crazy and gets a gun and shoots a whole lot of people.

I'm glad that you play music, farmboy. There's a lot less bloodshed this way.

Yeah. At least there's less clean up, you know?

right side of summer

summer approaches
waits to leap like a lion
takes its position

to surprise you with
sun tea, unsweetened, with ice
fresh strawberries

that don't need sugar
the sun shiny on your skin
no shirt, new sandals

you are now standing
on the right side of summer
watermelon days

Patience, my fuckin' ass

I got so much to do and I'm out of weed again.

It's Monday. I thought you weren't smoking as much as you used to.

I'm not. I think it's the weather and that I'm gearing up for summer. I'm restless and I can't wait for school to end. It's fuckin' spring, damn it. That means summer is coming. That means I want out from the fuckin' job at the fuckin' school.

Patience, farmboy.

Patience, my fuckin' ass. I've been patient.

So it won't hurt to be patient a while longer. You've still got a month and a half to go.

I know. Pisses me off, man.

Anger's not going to make the time go by any faster, farmboy.

Oh, great! Trying to help me with reason and logic. I think I'm past all that.

Too bad. The time's still not going to go any faster.

Maybe. But I don't want to give reason and logic and patience the satisfaction of being right. You know?

kit 'n caboodle

I talk to myself way more than I should
talkin' ain't never done me no good
so when I met you, lady,
I swore that I would
stop listening to my sad excuse for a brain
I don't mean to complain
but my brain
has never been
the poster boy for sane
ain't it a shame?
ah, but I digress
I guess I'm not dressed for success 
I took in the whole kit 'n caboodle
and I made a mess
it's just that I
want you, baby,
in my life

You ain't the boss of me

I'm sorry I haven't been in touch more lately, man. I been writing, which I pretty much do every day. It seems to help. I mean, maybe you feel more like a writer the more you write, you know?

You are writing a lot, farmboy, and I'm glad to see it. Because I think we need to work on your lack of healthy self-esteem.

"We?"

Well, I would like to help.

Sure. I mean, thank you. You must be some kind of fuckin' masochist or something to want to work with...

Stop there. No putting yourself down.

You ain't the boss of me, man.

I just want to help you, farmboy.

Well, ordering me around ain't gonna do it. Believe me, I know. 

What I really need is your support, 'Cause I gotta make some changes in this here life of mine.

You got it.

Thanks, man.

I want a girl

I want a girl
who can make up her own mind
and stands behind
the decisions she makes
I want a girl
who can block out the sunshine
when the ground 
all around me shakes
I want a girl 
I want a girl
to hold me when I'm down
I want a girl
I want a girl
to take this boy downtown

I want a girl
who'll dance a slow dance
and take command 
when I step out of line
I want a girl              
who looks good in her underpants
fitting her jeans
with me looking behind
I want a girl
I want a girl
I love your mind
but I love other things, too
I want a girl
I want a girl
I want a girl
just like you

song about a fool

I got in trouble
I went to jail
old man justice
did not prevail
human misery
on a massive scale
could not compare
to the incarceration
of me

getaway keys

I got getaway keys
in the palm of my hand
and I'm getting away from you
life didn't go quite
the way that I planned
but I know now what I'm gonna do