I'd like to thank the academy

I'd like to thank my mom and dad
and those who came before me
I only wish that they were here
to see and share my glory
I'd like to thank all my friends
for starring in my story
and I'd like to thank the academy

whole lot more

looking over my history
everything's a mystery
but life is more than this to me
it means a whole lot more

people talk

people talk
they talk all day long
about what's right
and especially what's wrong
they flap their gums
and chew the fat
and just like crows 
they squawk
people talk

big story

I wonder what's on TV tonight
I need to watch some big story
trouble won't let me alone
and happiness has learned to ignore me

But it's necessary

I had an pretty good day today, man. Which is really great, 'cause this recovery thing is really hard. Which I knew coming in; I've gone through physical therapy before and I know it's not fun. But it's necessary. It's kinda amazing, if you think about it.

I totally agree, farmboy. It's miraculous how the body can heal itself.

Yeah. 'Course I wish this whole fuckin' thing had never happened, but I don't want to start doing a whole "what if" thing,
'cause, well, it doesn't matter. What happened happened and now I have to focus on walking again.

Good attitude, farmboy.

Thanks. It's the attitude I need to have, as much as I can. And I know it'll be hard sometimes, like yesterday, which was completely fucked. But it changed, you know? And I'm so, so grateful, man. I'm grateful for every single positive thing that comes my way. Believe me, man.

highwire

you are on a highwire
both your eyes are closed
no dancing in the aisles
no bending down to touch your toes
it's minute by minute
day by day
and the countdown never ends
welcome to the highwire, my friend

someone else's childhood

sometimes when I'm
not feeling so good
and the meds cushion 
whatever thinking I do
I go to a place
deep down in my mind
and I let my imagination
run wild

my first name is Francisco
but just call me Frankie
I've been on this planet
for ten years in June
my legs do not work
and I'm glued to this chair
I'm no rough and rowdy
everyday child

but sometimes at night...

keep the pain meds coming

I am floating
I am weightless
I am moving forward
like a ferris wheel
I know I
should probably hate this
but I kinda like the way it feels
if I have to be
in this condition 
in a backless gown
with machines a-humming
doctor, please
give your permission
keep the pain meds coming

wheelchair

So right now I'm sitting up in a wheelchair for the first time.. I think it might be good to do one thing every day like that.

That's a good idea, farmboy. Just take it easy, okay? Stay safe. Don't overdo it.

I won't, man. I'm being careful with everything. That's what happens when you fuckin' hate physical pain.

And speaking of that, I'm gonna let you go, 'cause I'm really tired and kinda sick because of the drugs. Thanks, man, thanks for calling.

my hospital bed 2

last night I dreamed
my hospital bed
was Aladdin's carpet
and it flew through the night
to hear honky-tonk angels
with voices of silver
singing
it's gonna be all right
it's gonna be all right

last night I dreamed
my hospital bed
was a front porch with friends
bearing whiskey and wine
putting fingers on strings
and harmonizing
singing
you're gonna be just fine
you're gonna be just fine

last night I dreamed
my hospital bed
was a shiny and polished
'59 Chevrolet
with my dad as the driver
and my mom right beside him
singing
you're gonna be okay
you're gonna be okay

last night I dreamed
my hospital bed
transferred me somewhere
that I never knew
and there was this feeling
(I don't know how to explain it)
saying
you're gonna make it through
you're gonna make it through
you're gonna make it through
I'm taking care of you

This is my job now

So, man, I thought I'd give you a call. Today I left the hospital and was transferred to the physical rehab center, which is where I'm calling you from.

I'm so glad you called, farmboy. I've been thinking about you a lot, wondering how you're doing.

It's a lot of different things, which I guess is to be expected. Some days I feel a lot of anxiety and panic, and I'm working at that the best I can.

But, you know, this could have been so much worse and I am so grateful for it not being worse. I'm also grateful for all the amazing doctors and nurses and people who are working with me.

You know, you've got a really good attitude.

Not all the time, man. I mean, it's fuckin' scary, it's hard work, it's extremely challenging, and sometimes downright gross and disgusting. But, man, I can't afford much negativity. I have to focus on being able to walk again. This is my job now.

my hospital bed

last night I dreamed
my hospital bed
was a magic carpet
that flew through the night
to hear honky-tonk angels
with voices of silver
singing
it's all going to be all right
it's all going to be all right

last night I dreamed
my hospital bed 
was a shiny and polished
'59 Chevrolet

a patient man

I am a patient man
I will do all I can
there's a world outside
this hospital room
and I'm hoping that
we'll see it soon
but until then
I am a patient man

It was successful

This morning I had surgery, man. I am so fuckin' relieved that it's over.

Was it successful, farmboy? I've been wondering since I spoke with you yesterday.

It was successful. And I'm a very, very grateful man.

I am so fuckin' afraid

(on the phone)

Hello?

It's me, farmboy. I'm just calling to check up on you. How are you doing today?

Oh, man...I was just told that I'm gonna have to take another MRI, this time on my legs, because they're so weak that I can't stand. 

How do you feel about that?

(farmboy starts to cry)

I...am scared shitless, man. I am so fuckin' afraid. What am I gonna do?

You'll do what you need to do, farmboy. Look, you have health insurance, right?

Right.

So that's one major worry down. What do the doctors say?

Hey, can I call you back, man? One of the doctors want to talk to me.

(The doctor talks to farmboy for a few minutes, then leaves. farmboy calls the interviewer.)

farmboy, what did he say?

That we need to look at surgery and I will probably not be able to walk for three months.

I couldn't fuckin' stand up

Hey, man.

Where are you, farmboy? I heard you didn't go to work today. Are you all right?

I'm in the fuckin' hospital, man. I had an accident and got hurt.

So what happened? Are you injured?

I fell out of a city bus. I mean, I fell out of the back exit. And I couldn't get off the ground. I couldn't fuckin' stand up. So an ambulance came with paramedics and they brought me.

Are you in pain, farmboy?

It's been really, really painful. But I gotta do what I gotta do, which means physical therapy and stuff. I had an MRI today, and I hope I don't have to do it again any time soon.

But the doctors and nurses and staff in general have been great. This is all a major drag, but I've been meeting good people. There was this very sweet lady who talked to me while the paramedics were getting ready.She was so gentle and it sure helped. She was an angel, man.

I'll tell you more at some other time, when I know more about what's happening. I'm sorta tired 'cause I just took some Tylenol with codeine. Strong stuff, man.

Big gig

So here I sit, at work at this fuckin' school again. I can't wait to go home so I can smoke weed and play guitar. I got a big gig I gotta prepare for. 

Is this the benefit at the Aladdin Theater?

Yeah. I'm a little nervous about it. I haven't performed for a while.

You'll be fine, farmboy. Your performing instincts will be working like they always do.

That's what I'm betting on, man. All this performance anxiety is pretty fuckin' stupid anyway. 

One thing I am doing is practicing the songs every day. I'm playing four songs and they need to be ingrained so deeply that they're just automatic.

And how's that going?

Pretty good. Very good, actually. I still don't have an opening song, but I'm not too worried. I've got stuff to choose from, but I don't want to wait till the last minute.

Are you playing anything new, farmboy?

Yeah, I'm planning to play a new one called "Box Marked Fragile." I'm gonna close with that and I think it'll be...well, fun isn't really the right word, but it's kinda close.

It sounds like you've got everything pretty much under control, farmboy.

I'm working on it. That's all that matters.

one farmboy (new completed version)

maybe it's me
maybe I'm unlucky
but it's plain to see
everybody's fucking
in this no-tell hotel
except for me
oh, how lonesome 
can one farmboy be

why did I leave
the barnyards of Alberta
in New York City
everyone'll hurt you
and I know damn well
that I'm the next in line
oh, how much trouble
can one farmboy find

          it's so damn sad
          it's so damn lonely
          it's too damn bad
          I'm the one and only
          desperate man
        , who's life is old baloney
          compared to everybody else's

one night I met
this waitress down at MOMA
she loved me so rough
nearly threw me in a coma
then she grabbed my bus pass
and my wallet too
oh dear Lord
what can one farmboy do

           these streets ain't proud
           they're overrun with strangers

           who talk too loud

           their eyes are filled with danger

           it's a big damn crowd

           no reason I should stay here

           and continue all my bellyaching 

I can't stay
it's expensive in Manhattan
papa, start cooking
it's time to grill the fattened
calf and welcome 
your prodigal son back home
oh, no more
will one farmboy roam
look out folks
one farmboy's coming home

I was wrong

all of my life
I've been living for tomorrow
planning every move
of each step along the way
somehow I felt that time
was a resource I could borrow 
a never ending supply
that would never go away
well, I was wrong
what can I say?

Keep asking and start applying

So I don't know, man, what I'm gonna do about this fuckin' job.  More and more I feel like I've gotta have more respect for myself, and that respect means I work somewhere where I'm treated better, by staff and students. I gotta get another job somewhere.

Ever think about working at one of those marijuana dispensaries, farmboy? You'd be great at it.

Thanks, man. I talked to one of the workers at the place I went to Friday and she said that you have to be over 21 and have a high school diploma.

And you have one of those, right?

Yeah, I do. I don't know what the benefits would be, but I really need something with health insurance. 

But all I can really do is keep asking and start applying. There's gotta be something better than working at this fuckin' sorry substitute for a public high school, you know?

pencil

once you put a pen to paper
and scribble down some words
it takes a lot of trouble to replace them
but pick up the lowly pencil
(preferably a number two)
it only takes a moment to erase them
and then write something new
something that halfway pleases you
and if you don't like it
you can start over again
'cause a pencil wants to do
what feels exactly right to you
a pencil can be your one true friend

you say "what about technology
when used for common good?"
I say we're about ecology
'cause we're made out of wood

I am proud to be your pencil
I hope you use me well
but if you don't,
don't throw me away, son
if you don't like the words you write
just turn me over
I don't mind
you know you can always erase them
and then write something new
something that halfway pleases you
and it will be great
eleven out of ten
'cause a pencil will be there for you
doing what it wants to do
'cause a pencil is your one true
(remember -- a number two)
a pencil is your one true friend

inconsequential

the world turns without me
I am inconsequential
I am like an engine
with a faulty differential
I never even got close
to reaching my potential
oh, woe is me

Sinatra in the 50s

I feel sad
like Sinatra in the 50s

when I was a child

when I was a child
I had all these ideas
about what my life would be
I knew from the start
deep down in my heart
my desired destiny

box marked fragile 4

I am a box marked fragile
I am sitting on your porch
waiting to be opened
it's cold here in the rain
now, I don't mean to complain
but this is not what I was hoping

masking tape isn't holding
I'm all filled up with memories
too many to count
but once you let me through the door
I won't need them anymore
you can help me throw them out

       I can be strong
       I know I can
       I just need a little help
       this box contains
       a broken man
       who's trying to repair himself

I am a box marked fragile
my destination is
to your open arms
I don't know how you feel
but honey, I'm the real deal
babe, I ain't no false alarm

          I can be strong
          I know I will
          I just need a gentle hand
          to hold me up until
          I get the strength to stand

I am a box marked fragile
I am all beaten up
battered black and blue
but if you take me in
the healing can begin
and I'll be good as new
I'm telling you
I'll be good as new

Fun, eh?

I'm depressed.

Why are you depressed, farmboy?

After working a full day, I have to go to the fuckin' dentist. I hate going to the dentist, man.

What are you going to have done? Nothing serious, I hope.

He's gonna take out one of my teeth. And I have to decide what I'm going to do with that space in my mouth. Fun, eh?

If you're getting it done now, you won't have to do it later.

Well, that's one way of looking at it, I suppose. I know you're right, I just hate doing it. I should have taken a day off, but I can't take off every time something needs to get done.

Tomorrow this will all be a memory, though. And then I guess I'll have to find something else to complain about.

Life is hard, man.

groundhog day

if you say there are 
six more weeks of winter
I'm gonna get me a gun
and start hunting you down
'cause why should I trust
some mangy animal
that spends half its life
in the deep underground

plenty of time 2

you're told when you can sleep
and when you can be awake
you know how much to give
and to never, ever take
you know when to look
and when to pretend you're blind
you've got plenty of time

plenty of time

metal bars on the windows
metal bars on the door
memories of everyone
you used to be before
every day's another chance
to wait quietly in line
you've got plenty of time