Saturday, September 29, 2012

Luxury of everyday life

So I got paid yesterday and I finished up the performance grant last week -- you know, going to the hospital and playing for kids with disabilities. So, get this, man -- bills are paid, groceries are bought, gasoline is in the car. Life is normal.

Of course, the down part to all of this is having to go to My Fuckin' Job for the majority of my precious time in my too-short life. But I ain't thinkin' about that now, man. I am basking in the luxury of everyday life.

Feels good, does it, farmboy?

It's pretty wonderful. I feel, like, wait till the medications that I haven't been taking come in the mail. Man oh man.

Wait. What's this about medications?

It's nothing serious, man. I've had to go a few days without a couple of medications but it's ordered and it's coming and everything will be all right.

I hate to lecture you, farmboy...

Look, man, I couldn't fuckin' afford them. I'm well aware of the dangers of going on and off medications, but this could not be helped. I didn't even have enough credit to charge them.

Okay, farmboy, I apologize. I'm sorry.

So, anyway, I got Chinese food and marijuana and life is good.

Sounds good.

Oh, man. The best.

Friday, September 28, 2012

in legendary times

like the people around you
the love that surrounds you
the peace that has found you
the reasons and rhymes
we are living 
in legendary times

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Like being a magician

Man, I tell you, this writing thing is so fuckin' hard, you know. I go to write something, I don't have a fuckin' clue. But,, you know, you have to fuckin' write because you don't get better if you don't write.

True, farmboy. I see how it could be frustrating. I'm not a writer, so I don't know. What does it feel like to write, farmboy?

Feels like the hardest work you'll ever do. And the best work that you'll ever do. It can be exciting. But, you know, I like to have written than write. Or something like that.

I get your basic idea.

I mean, I fuckin' love being a songwriter. It's kinda like being a magician.


(laughs) I'm being redundant.

That's a good question, though, the "What does it feel like" question. I'll have to think about that for a little while.

Take all the time you need, farmboy.

Remind me, though, okay?

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

why you have to be so mean

baby, baby
why you have to be so mean
darlin, darlin'
why you have to be so mean
you threw me out
flew into a rage
trashed my good name
on your facebook page
you're the meanest woman
I've ever seen
why you have to be so mean

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

It's an art. It's a sport.

Oh, man, fuckin' time for fuckin' bed again. All day long I work, waiting to get off, then I get off,
and poof -- it's over.

That's the way life is, farmboy.

I know, man. Ain't fuckin' nothing I can do about it. But, you know, I'm a human being, and human beings are great at complaining. It's an art. It's a sport. And I'm great at it. You're in the presence of genius, man.

I feel honored.

As well you should be.

Monday, September 24, 2012

a small vacation

big cup o' coffee
saturday after midnight
freedom tastes so good

no work to go to
the morning belongs to you
stay up all night long

a small vacation:
internet, masturbation,
I have headphones on

to listen to tunes
play that banjo, country boy
breakfast, lunch, supper

I am all happy
till I fall to depression
monday comes too soon

Sunday, September 23, 2012

It's late

Man, I gotta go to work tomorrow and it's late. I picked up my brother and his family at the airport, and their flight came in shortly before 10 o'clock. In the meantime, I drank, like, three cups of strong coffee.

So tomorrow I got to go to work and then I gotta perform. I'm just hoping I won't be so fuckin' tired that I can't do a good job, you know? 

Sounds like you're stressing out, farmboy. Don't worry. You'll fall asleep when you fall asleep. Worrying about it won't help any.

Yeah, I know. 

So now it's like around midnight and I better start getting ready for bed. Hey, you have a good day tomorrow.

You too, farmboy.

I hope so. We'll see.

Saturday, September 22, 2012


You know, man, it's probably not a good thing 'cause it's, like, 9:30 at night, but I'm thinking about making a good ol' cup of coffee. 

It's Saturday night, farmboy. Knock yourself out.

(farmboy goes to put a teapot of water on the stove.)

Man, this is the fuckin' life. Marijuana and fresh coffee. Pretty fuckin' amazing, if you ask me.

So what have you done today?

Not a whole fuckin' lot, which is a luxury. I read. I'm reading this book called What is the What by Dave Eggers. It's a fictionalized account of this guy from Sudan who was one of the "lost boys" who walked from Southern Sudan to start a new life. It's really good, really well written.

And, you know, I played guitar and went to the grocery store.

What did you buy?


Smart ass.

I bought, um, cheddar cheese, which is a big luxury. I bought milk. I guess I'm more into dairy than I thought. I bought some high-fiber oatmeal cereal to go with the milk. Got some nectarines, which were on sale. I love nectarines.

So now I'm just resting, man. You know, maybe it's because I'm reading this Dave Eggers' book about this young man -- a child, really -- in Sudan, but I'm amazed how much of my life is a luxury.

It's good that you're aware of that, farmboy.

I don't know if it's necessarily good or not. All I know is that we're fuckin' blessed, man.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Survival tactic

So sometimes I worry about the amount of fantasizing that I do. It's amazing, more than weed, more than TV, more than computer games -- fantasy is, like, the big deal in my life.

I hate to sound like a therapist, farmboy, but how does that make you feel?

I don't know. I mean, I get it, it's a defense mechanism, it's a survival tactic. And that's okay, I guess. I mean, at least it's creative, you know?

In some ways it's less now than it was before I performed. Because in some little tiny baby way I'm living part of the fantasy...

The creative part?

Yeah, yeah, the creative part, the working part. The learning part.

The important part.

Man, you fuckin' got that right.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

the truth about lying

the truth about lying
is tricky
your mind becomes suspicious
of everything said 
regardless of what was said
or who said it
trusting becomes hard
you are hereby

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

I'm not saying "what's the use"

Man, I can't fuckin' believe it. The night goes by so fuckin' fast. Pretty soon I'll have to go to bed, then I'll fall asleep and then I wake up to get ready to go to work.

Well, look at you, Mr. Cheerful.

Oh, I'm not saying it's a bad thing. (laughs)  I'm not saying "what's the use," you know, man. I'm just making...

An observation?

Yes, actually. That's all I have the energy for tonight. Just an observation about life in the world.

Nicely done, farmboy.

Thanks, man.

Monday, September 17, 2012

if I had money

if I had money
tell you what I'd do
I'd buy me a rocket
and I'd aim it right at you
with a note that reads:
wish you were here
knowing if you were
I would disappear
if I had money, honey
if I had cash

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Short end of the stick

So I've figured out something, man. One of the major problems in the world is that everybody thinks they got the short end of the stick. None of us have ever gotten our fair share. So we're always in fuckin' competition, man. Why is this? Is it some kind of survival mechanism?

Could be, farmboy. It's something that is in us, I think. I think it's biological. But it's in us. Look at children. They're always competing...

...for attention. 

Yeah, it's an interesting thing, man. When you consider that, really, like 90% of people really do get shafted. I'm sure we all do, in one way or another.

Anyway, I think it sucks. I think we need to all be nicer to each other.

(sarcastically)  You're so profound, farmboy.

Yeah, and fuck you, too, man. 

Friday, September 14, 2012

hometown Friday night

end of the week
day to be paid
trying to figure
a way to get laid
the bars are all open
the evening is free
sin and salvation 
are waiting for me

      pay no attention
      to the red and the blue
      lights that are flashing
      in the car behind you
      don't try to stop me
      unless you want a fight
      it's hometown Friday night

bring me that bottle
down from the shelf
that liquor sure ain't
gonna drink itself
get out the bong
make sure it's lighted
it's not the only thing
that'll be ignited

      pay no attention
      to what your mama said
      there'll be time enough
      to sleep when your dead
      you're thinking it's wrong
      but it'll feel so right
      it's hometown Friday night

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

My own kind

Tired, man. That's what I am. Kinda depressed, because I have to go to work again tomorrow and probably for the rest of my life. But, hey, I went to the coffeehouse and saw my friends. It's good for me to be around other musicians, especially since I'm back at The Fuckin' Job.
I mean, I like the people I work with all right, but I need to be around my own kind, you know? It's important.

It is important, farmboy. You need to be around other musicians, because that's who you are. It's not just what you do, it's the way you go through life.

You're right, man. I'm going to have to make seeing my music pals a priority, a high priority. 'Cause just seeing people at work, well...Again, they're fine. But I'm a musician, man. That's my real life. Not this fuckin' day job at a fuckin' public high school.

So I'm glad I went. It was good to see them. They are such great people. I feel very lucky, very blessed to know the musicians that I've known in my life.

And they're very fortunate to know you, farmboy.

You know, I hope so. But there are times when I don't understand why anyone would be my friend.

We all go through that, farmboy.

I know, but sometimes it's almost crippling to me. But I'm getting better about it, I think. At least I don't get as down as I did last year. 

You moving in the right direction at least.

Yeah. And that's a relief. I've got a lot of lost time that I need to make up.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

lousy human being

you know
you do
everything they say is true
I'm a lousy human being
and I know it
I give up
you win
like you knew you'd do again
I was hoping that 
I wouldn't have to show it
you thought
maybe I'd change
into one you could rearrange
you were only thinking
I'd outgrow it
so it's time
move on
all our history is gone
I'm a lousy human being
and I know it

Monday, September 10, 2012

when night falls

when night falls
I turn on the electric fan
and pretend it's the wind
in from North Africa
and I am sleeping outside

when night falls
I open the window
and hope for a breeze
the sound of a foghorn
or a bugle
like I used to hear
in my hometown

when night falls
I can lie in the darkness
and be anything I want to be

and I am not afraid
and I am not afraid

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Part of my job

Boy, you know, I look out at the world and life and all that stuff and I don't think I've come to any conclusions. I don't know if I've learned a fuckin' thing.

And is that important to you, farmboy?

I guess, man. I don't know. Sometimes I wonder "what's the use," you know? But I'm not feeling that way right now, by the way. It's just the way I feel sometimes. It's no fun and it's a great responsibility.

It is. And you're an artist, you're a songwriter. It's part of your job, farmboy.

Yeah, part of my job. At least there's a fuckin' reason for it.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

I saw you walking to the beach

the wind upon your unclothed skin
salt from the sea in the air
sand between your sea-drenched toes
waves catching you unaware
scent of summer in your hair

I saw you walking to the beach
on hometown sidewalks made of dirt
you chose to let the ocean keep
you away from a world of hurt
sunlight fading your old t-shirt

I will always wish that I was younger
the same age as my youthful heart
I will always feel the hunger
for a love that will not part

make me unafraid to start

Friday, September 7, 2012

Not thinking about that now

My first Friday of the school year. Man, I fuckin' hate this going to work stuff.

But we're not thinking about that now 'cause it's the weekend! It's Friday night and I've got weed and a fresh cup of coffee. I don't have to get up early in the morning and I can stay up as long as I want. It's fuckin' great, man.

I'll bet, farmboy. Has it been a tough week?

It's been a first week back with students. It went well.

But we're not talking about that now...

No, we're not. We're talking and thinking about music and songs and an upcoming CD. We're thinking about that TV show Breaking Bad and what will be the outcome for Walter White. We're sleeping and eating turkey hot dogs.

Sounds good.

It is good. Believe me.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Just kicking back, man

Hey, man, how're you doing?

I'm just fine, farmboy, thanks for asking. How about yourself?

Oh, you know, I'm tired. First week back at work with the kids. Just kicking back, man. Tomorrow's Friday. It's back to the same old fuckin' routine.

But I'm okay. Tired after a full day of work is different from depressed-tired. 

It's good that you can see that.

I tell you, man, I'm tired. Talk at you tomorrow, okay?

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

autumn has begun

rhythm of the ceiling fan
off for lack of summer heat
sweat no more, nature says
as the gray clouds
cover the sun
autumn has begun

Monday, September 3, 2012

But I'll be okay

I don't know what's up with me, man. Tomorrow is work and I'm depressed. I'm depressed because summer is ending and, you know, here in the Pacific Northwest we're cursed by the fuckin' gray and wetness of the rest of the whole fuckin' year. Seriously.

But I'll be okay. I'm tired of my own constant whining to myself, to be honest. Pisses me off. Instead of living in the hear-and-now, I'm always thinking about somewhere else.

Well, you're here now, farmboy. I see you've been writing quite a bit lately.

Yeah. We'll see how that goes. But I'm glad I'm writing, you know? That gives me a certain amount of meaning in my life. And I'm glad for that, I tell you.

It's good to be a songwriter.

Fuckin' right, man. It's good to have a passion. I know there are people who really don't, who don't have a calling. I can't imagine what that's like, thank God.

So that's gonna be what carries me through the day at the fuckin' job. Devoting my real life to my passion, to my music. 

I'm blessed, man. Ain't no denying.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Jesus in Walmart

I dreamed I ran into
Jesus in Walmart
He was buying 
bread and fishes
bottles of water
to turn into wine
He was nothing
if not ambitious

Saturday, September 1, 2012

river of desire

time, disappearing
down a river of desire
through the forest of broken dreams

you're remembering
looking through a blade of grass
held up to the sun
sitting on a tire swing
singing to yourself
summers with instant iced tea
and peanut butter on white bread
blue and white squares

time, remembering
a river of desire
an ocean filled
with plans for the future