Saturday, December 31, 2022

in my own sweet time (rewrite 1)


I will do this
I will do that
I can be your dog
or I could be your cat
I could be your best friend
or Frankenstein
I will do it all
in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time
          in my own sweet time
          I will take what's mine
          all in my own sweet time

I'm making the rules
and I know what's fair
I believe I'm as cool
as a Fridgedare
I walk these streets
looking for a sign
believing it can happen
in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time
          in my own sweet time
          I'll be at the scene of the crime
          all in my own sweet time

on my way
to what will be
from tomorrowland
to history
if life takes the back roads
well, I don't mind
I"ll get there eventually
in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time
          in my own sweet time
          I've got some mountains to climb
          all in my own sweet time

       

Friday, December 30, 2022

in my own sweet time


I will do this
I will do that
I can be your dog
or I could be your cat
I could be Dracula
or Frankenstein
I will do it all
in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time
          in my own sweet time
          I will take what's mine
          all in my own sweet time

I'm making the rules
and I know what's fair
I believe I'm as cool
as a Fridgedare
I walk these streets
looking for a sign
believing it can happen
in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time
          in my own sweet time
          I'll be the scene of the crime
          all in my own sweet time

on my way
to what will be
from tomorrowland
to history
if life takes the back roads
well, I don't mind
I"ll find it all 
in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time
          in my own sweet time
          I've got some mountains to climb
          all in my own sweet time

       

Thursday, December 29, 2022

compares to me


God, save me from my ego
it's getting out of hand
how can so much selfishness
exist inside a man
I need to stop pretending
that I know the mystery
I measure everything
on how it compares to me

it's not that I don't matter
it's not that I don't exist
I just think too much about myself
instead of everything I've missed
if I could think of someone else
then maybe I'd be free
instead of looking at real life
and how it compares to me


Wednesday, December 28, 2022

average


it's okay to be average
that's what I tell myself
every time I'm wishing
that I was someone else
it's okay to be something
like others on this earth
maybe being average
is more than I am worth

I have tried my hardest
to be the best I can be
but maybe being average
is all that's inside of me
and maybe I'm not even average
maybe I fall below the mark
maybe I'm just making my way
outside of the dark

tomorrow this will pass
then again, maybe not
maybe this insecurity
is all I've really got
away from possibility
away from hard-wired luck
it's okay to be average
either way I'm fucked


Tuesday, December 27, 2022

Christmas is over


Christmas is over
and I am sad
'cause it was the best Christmas
I've ever had
there was lots of music
friends and family
there were even presents
under the Christmas tree
but now it's over
and I feel blue
but I'll still wish
a merry Christmas for you


Monday, December 26, 2022

allow me to start over


allow me to start over
I've felt so bad for so long
that I don't know my right from my left
I can't tell right from wrong
I know that I will survive this
that someday I will feel fine
but for now the pain is unending
healing takes a long, long time

I've been sad for so long now
that I can barely breathe
all I want in this troubling time
is a reason to believe
but I feel no hope inside
I can't wait until the dawn
all I want for you to give
is a way I can carry on


Sunday, December 25, 2022

a hallmark poem


today is a day of peace
of magic
of faith
with glitter and snow
all over the place
may God bless you
in all that you do
today is a day of peace
merry Christmas to you


Saturday, December 24, 2022

bright star in the highest heaven


bright star in the highest heaven
shine upon my family
shine above my truest friends
shine upon my enemies
the darkest night is falling fast
no light for us to see
bright star in the highest heaven
if you can, will you shine on me


Friday, December 23, 2022

thankful


it's quiet here
inside this apartment
there is snow on the ground
it's shivering outside
but my heater works
and at least I bought groceries
today I'm thankful
I think I'm going to survive


Thursday, December 22, 2022

waiting for snow


I am waiting for snow
I've got my camera out
I'm into the spirit
that's what it's all about
I've got a pot of hot coffee
a bowlful of weed
Louis Armstrong on You Tube
what else do I need?

all the presents are wrapped
and ready to go
all we need now
is a yard's worth of snow
it's sleeting right now
and I don't mean to complain
but I'd rather have snow
than freezing rain

inside, it is warm
thermal underwear on
and a sidewalk where I
can walk upon
in the morning I'll wake
everything will be white
Merry Christmas to all
and tio all a good night


Wednesday, December 21, 2022

this life I'm living


I hate it when evil
flows out of my mind
I want myself to be
fair and loving and kind
I thought I left
all my jealousy behind
but I guess I was wrong
I have learned
you have to stand by yourself
not to depend on
anyone else
but once in a while
I need some help
I want to get along

with everyone out there
with whom I share hopes and dreams
all these whining thoughts inside me
are not what they seem

          let me be honest
          let me be good
          help me to live my life
          the way I should
          all that I need
          is to be giving
          that's all I want
          in this life I'm living


Tuesday, December 20, 2022

since you left


since you left
I don't know what to do
everything I am
is all mixed up with you
I remember you
every single day
it's been pretty damn lonely
since you went away

          everything comes to an end
          death is not my friend

since you left
I hear you in the songs
the radio keeps playing
all day long
I wish you could play them once again
like you did before
every time I hear them
I miss you a little bit more

          everything comes to an end
          death is not my friend

I will always think of you
I'll remember your voice
I will look at your memory
as something to rejoice
but for now there's sadness
tears upon my face
but the friendship I had with you
will never be erased

          everything comes to an end
          death is not my friend


Monday, December 19, 2022

a normal life


what I want is a normal life
with people around me
so I am not alone
what I want is a peaceful life
with new friends drinking coffee
with old friends on the phone
I don't like this feeling lonesome
I want it like it was before
what I want is a normal life
with peace inside
and outside my front door

what I want is a happy life
with thoughts of joy around me
that I'm allowed to choose
what I want is a useful life
where I can do my best
in my daily walking shoes
I don't like this modern living
where greed takes center stage
what I want is a normal life
where I don't have to act my age


Sunday, December 18, 2022

'tis the holy season


today I get to spend some time
with friends and family
'tis the holy season
with love and light to see
and I am sitting on this chair
cynical as can be
still I wish for Christmas warmth
to wash over me


Saturday, December 17, 2022

let me ignore the comments


let me ignore the comments
on this online article
let me have my opinion
and then I'll be on my way
with all this crap behind me
every single particle
all the stupid bullshit
that you go through every day


Friday, December 16, 2022

Christmas is coming


Christmas is coming
and I am so alone
thinking of my childhood
wishing I was home
the smell of fresh tamales
the glory of the songs
now I lie awake and wonder
where did I go wrong

I made my mistakes
and I'm paying for them now
I'd like to live in peace and joy
but I don't know how
there are no friends to visit
the sky outside is cold
I know there is no Santa
and I am turning old

Jesus grant me vision
to see the blessings of my life
let me do my level best
until it turns out right
I need some help this Christmas
I know what I'm dreaming of
Jesus, give us hope this Christmas
Jesus, give us love


Thursday, December 15, 2022

headphones on (rewrite 1)


I've got my headphones on
I've got 'em turned up loud
I'm in my own little world
where you are not allowed
I've got nothing but noise
turned up to ten
so I can't hear you
you are not my friend

I've got my headphones on
your voice can't find my ears
I'm busy ignoring you
it could be my career
your mouth is wide open
but I can't hear your words
my avoidance of you
must leave you disturbed

          the sound of your breathing
          now has passed and gone
          so now I'm getting even
          I've got my headphones on
          I've got my headphones on

I've got my headphones on
I've got nothing to fear
because when it comes to you
I'm closing both my ears
so go your own way
and I will follow mine
everything comes to an end
in its own sweet time

          the sound of your breathing
          now has passed and gone
          so now I'm getting even
          I've got my headphones on
          I've got my headphones on


Wednesday, December 14, 2022

no trumpets


there are no trumpets
no bands playing
when you finally go back
to your hometown
all the old places 
are busy decaying
you're staying
on the wrong side of the tracks


Tuesday, December 13, 2022

nobody


nobody sees me 
standing here
all by myself
no one near
the answer comes up
crystal clear
I do not matter
there are no friends
knocking at my door
there is no kindness
for me to ignore
nothing's like
it was before
my whole world is shattered

          and now I stand here
          all alone
          like a child
          without a home
          nobody sees me
          out on my own
          nobody


Monday, December 12, 2022

loneliness


somebody call me on the phone
somebody knock on my door
I'm stuck in this place all alone
I know there must be something more
somebody make me a friend
somebody speak out my name
I've forgotten how to pretend
and I know there is no one to blame

          I'm so tired of this loneliness
          isolation is not for me
          all I need is one other person
          to set my loneliness free


Sunday, December 11, 2022

I guess I don't matter anymore


I guess I don't matter anymore
all those words that you said
were just lies meant for me
this time you've hurt me to the core
not that you would notice
I'm someone you will never see
for what I am
and I realize that you don't give a damn
I'm someone to ignore
I guess I don't matter anymore

I don't belong in your past
whoever I have been
is not who you want to know
I know nothing lasts
but I didn't know that you would see me
as the one to go
and now I see
that you were only trying to get rid of me
you're not who you were before
I guess I don't matter anymore


Saturday, December 10, 2022

headphones on


I've got my headphones on
I've got them turned up loud
I'm in my own little world
and you are not allowed
I've got nothing but noise
turned up to ten
so I can't hear you
you are not my friend

I've got my headphones on
your voice can't find my ears
I'm busy ignoring you
I've made it my career
your mouth is wide open
but I can't hear your words
I bet my avoidance of you
must leave you disturbed

          the sound of your breathing
          now has passed and gone
          so now I'm getting even
          I've got my headphones on

I've got my headphones on
I'm no longer prone to violence
because when it comes to you
all I hear is silence
so you can go your way
and I will follow mine
everything comes to an end
in its own sweet time

          the sound of your breathing
          now has passed and gone
          so now I'm getting even
          I've got my headphones on


Friday, December 9, 2022

all my failures (rewrite 1)


all my failures
have left their mark
upon my fragile mind
all the mistakes
all the fears
all I've left behind
I wouldn't know good luck
if it hit me 
between the eyes
is it a blessing
or a curse
every time I start to try

all my failures
they all add up
to who I am right now
I could win
I know I can
I just can't figure out how
I've studied all the lessons
I've processed all I've learned
so won't somebody tell me
when it is finally my turn

all my failures
are part of me
but I'm not afraid anymore
I did my best
I faked the rest
and now I'm looking for
a way to live and prosper
before time passes me by
is it a blessing 
or a curse
each time I start to try


Thursday, December 8, 2022

all my failures


all my failures
have left their mark
upon my fragile mind
all the mistakes
all the fears
all I've left behind
I wouldn't know good luck
if it hit me 
between the eyes
is it a blessing
or a curse
every time I start to try


Wednesday, December 7, 2022

day off


there's so much to do
think I'll lie here in bed
where it's cozy and warm
pillows under my head
and stay for a while
where it's safe and sound
no responsibilities
and nobody around

          I'm taking the day off
          and no one can stop me
          pour me some coffee
          I'm taking the day off


Tuesday, December 6, 2022

you love the darkness


you love the darkness
it follows you wherever you go
you love the darkness
the only thing you've ever known
so you can't help it if you're
feeling blue
it's a natural reaction
that's inside of you
is there anything
you think you can do
to heal
but it's just how you feel
and there's no way out


Monday, December 5, 2022

in the long run (rewrite 1 of I don't matter)


so this is what happens
whenever I get sad
I have to hide my feelings
even though it hurts so bad
so I will look into your eyes
and smile to your face
and then I'll quickly run
the hell out of this place

          in the long run
          I am not someone
          who matters to you
          but I will not be
          the tragedy
          that you want me to

I cannot get angry
I must hold it all inside
I always move slowly
when fear is my guide
no amount of love
can ever be enough
so I'm crying uncle
it's time for giving up

          in the long run
          not much that I've done
          will matter to you
          but I will not see
          the history
          of what you put me through

maybe tomottow
I'll feel all right
but first I must
make it through tonight
you've hurt me so bad
I don't know what to do
except to ignore myself
and say nothing to you

          in the long run
          the wars that I have won
          they won't matter to you
          and now you see
          what you've done to me
          but there's nothing that you can do
          I will pull myself through


Sunday, December 4, 2022

I don't matter


so this is what happens
whenever I get sad
I must hide my feelings
even though it hurts so bad
so I will tell a joke
and smile to your face
and then quickly run
the hell out of this place

          in the long run
          I am not someone
          I don't matter

I cannot get angry
I must hold it inside
I always move slowly
with fear as my guide
no amount of love
is ever enough
so I'm crying uncle
I'm giving up

          in the long run
          not much that I've done
          I don't matter

maybe tomottow
I'll feel all right
but first I must
make it through tonight
you've hurt me so bad
I don't know what to do
except to carry on
and say nothing to you

          in the long run
          no wars have I won
          I don't matter


Saturday, December 3, 2022

child inside your soul


all those days you don't remember
memories don't come into sight
this only serves to show you
that something didn't turn out right
all those toxic romances
all those fair weather friends
all your childhood suffering
you wish they'd come to an end

          everything you do now
          is to regain control
          so go ahead and comfort
          the child inside your soul
          

Friday, December 2, 2022

after the war is over


I will be waiting for you
after the war is over
when we have been blessed in peace
bright as the morning sun
I will be there for you
after the war is over
when you awake and find
a new day has begun


Thursday, December 1, 2022

summer evening 1947


the night is warm
stars are in the sky
lighting up the world
like ten thousand fireflies
and you are here with me
out on the front porch
you ask me if I love you
the answer is "of course"

          all is good here
          I will not be leaving
          all I want is to be with you
          on this summer evening

your parents are in the house
they won't bother us here
let all your apprehension
finally disappear
the night is silent
there isn't much to do
except sit on the porch swing
right next to you

          all is good here
          and I will be believing
          that I'll be beside you
          on this summer evening

in the dead of winter
when the world is gray
I'll think about the porch swing
and hope for sunny days
I will long remember
the warmth inside your eyes 
and your memory will soothe me
as the snow falls from the sky

          all is good here
          in every breath I'm breathing
          I will remember you
          on this summer evening