pilgrims of the desert (rewrite 1)

they are pilgrims of the desert

land of the Apache

this is where my people came from

the memories of family

sometimes try to catch me

underneath the setting sun

and the desert stars shine bright

in clusters and galaxies

they illuminate the night

in the disguise of serenity

they are pilgrims of the desert

where water is gold

and the cactus stands in bloom

and the sun burns like fire

and all the songs are old

and the empty miles have lots of elbow room

I cannot imagine

what my grandparents felt

the hard times and passion

and the hands that they were dealt

they are pilgrims of the desert

uncles, aunts and cousins

a homeland north of Mexico

now we live all over

families by the dozen

children with lives yet to be known

still the stars light up the sky

through centuries of history

endless years go by

in search of the mystery

they are pilgrims of the desert

land of the Apatche

tougher

all my life I dreamed of being normal

but that was not to be

I tried to block out the worries and fears

that festered inside of me

but whatever I did, it did no good

and left me here to suffer

I didn't know that in its own ways

it only made me tougher

now I stand with my hands in my pockets

wondering what it was all about

I tried and tried, but was cast outside

I never found a way out

I leaned on you to pull me through

but still darkness had its way

but everything I've been denied

made me much stronger today

tell me I'm wrong

how did I get here

lost in a sea of regrets

waiting for something to happen

that hasn't happened yet

the windows have all been boarded

there's padlocks on the door

and anywhere that I may go

is where I've been before

          everywhere is nowhere

          and I've been there all along

          please do me a favor

          tell me I'm wrong

I always think of bad luck

as the only luck I know

they planted the seed inside me

and I had to watch it grow

all my answers are questions

that never will be solved

life is just a tragedy

at least where I'm involved

          hold me in your embrace

          sing me the siren song

          please do me a favor

          tell me I'm wrong

the night, it lasts forever

I'm stranded in the dark

I would like to change my thinking

I would like to feel a spark

of energy inside myself

a home where peace resides

I'm working toward tomorrow

Heaven knows I've tried

          excuse me for my weaknesses

          help me to be strong

          please do me a favor

          tell me I'm wrong

as the evening calls

those days were so much better

than the here and now

you'd like to go back there

but you don't know how

so pack up all your memories

and keep them close at hand

and you will try and try again

till you begin to understand

          that today is just as good as yesterday

          the times are just different, that's all

          maybe you don't know what else to say

          as the dankening sky begins to fall

          as the evening calls

          

pilgrims of the desert

they are pilgrims of the desert

land of the Apache

this is where my people came from

the memories of my family

they often try to catch me

underneath the setting sun

and the desert stars shine bright

in clusters and galaxies

they illuminate the night

in the darkness of serenity

they are pilgrims of the desert

where water is gold

and the cactus stands in bloom

and the sun burns like fire

and all the songs are old

and the empty miles have lots of elbow room

I cannot imagine

what my grandparents felt

the hard times and passion

and the hands that they were dealt

they are pilgrims of the desert

uncles, aunts and cousins

a homeland north of Mexico

now we live all over

families by the dozen

children with lives yet to be known

still the stars light up the sky

through the centuries of history

quickly years go by

in search of the mystery

they are pilgrims of the desert

land of the Apatche

winter is winning

it is six forty-five a,m,

the snow is falling down

cars are sliding

all over the down

it's like powdered sugar

has settled on the ground

and I am cold inside

my apartment is freezing

my coffee's getting cold

and this staying indoors

is getting pretty old

I'm wearing my long johns

I do what I'm told

I hope that my shoes have dried

          I always have the highest hopes

          when the season's beginning

          and in my fight to brave the storm

          I find winter is winning

right now

right now

everything is all right

you don't have to worry anymore

you know how

the darkest night

turns into the light you're looking for

you can worry

you can fret

about what's not

happened yet

nothing bad is allowed

right now

right now

everything is okay

don't think about tomorrow

hands on the plough

you can stay

away from all the sorrow

you've done all you could

rest easy tonight

you've done everything

you know as right

your life is a solemn vow

right now

          you have done

          the best that you could

          now let life move on

          the way that it should

right now

everything's moving on

the way that you need it to be

beyond the clouds

you can witness the dawn

it'll be such a wonder to see

pain always ends

the sky will be clear

the rain goes away

and the night disappears

you'll find a way somehow

right now

run and hide

I like these days when nothing happens

and I can stay in bed

and not be afraid of the choices I made

and the day that lies ahead

I'm always worried about something

so I choose to stay inside

where safety can be exciting to me

and I don't have to run and hide

all of my life I've been a dreamer

reality is not my friend

the answer for me lies in fantasy

I know I can always pretend

real life is too much for me

believe me, I've tried

I always have faith in being safe

and I don't have to run and hide

          I'm dreading the coming tomorrow 

          I'm saving myself from today

          isolation is what I'll borrow

          to keep the demons away

maybe somebody can help me

in this battle with myself

somebody who might have a clue

to make me into someone else

now I'll put myself in the corner

and wait till the panic subsides

and here I will stay until there comes a day

where I won't have to run and hide

back when I had dreams

back when I had dreams

I was so hopeful then

time was my best friend

and life held promise

money in my old blue jeans

I always knew the way there

but I knew I couldn't stay there

it would not be honest

back when I had dreams

my heart was wide open

I'd spend my evenings hoping

the next day soon would come

I'd plan my little schemes

and life would surely follow

I'd plan for tomorrow

and not settle for its crumbs

          now all I want is one more chance

          but that's too much, it seems

          still I remember who I was

          back when I had dreams

so I grew into a bitter man

I knew what life could be

exactly what it should be

but it never satisfied

I tried to understand

but bad luck was all around me

trouble would surround me

and it would not be denied

but still I keep on trying

I keep asking with my voice

even though I have no choice

and good luck is not my friend

even through these tears I'm crying

I can feel my faith returning

in these lessons that I'm learning

I'm yearning once again

          all I want is one more chance

          but that's too much, it seems

          still I remember who I was

          back when I had dreams

no need to pretend (rewrite 1)

let me tell you

what it will be

the best of luck

for you and me

in our lifetimes

we will see

the answer to our dreams

all our great plans

are coming true

they're waiting here

for me and you

I can't wait to tell you

all the news

we're going to extremes

          the doors are open

          while we keep hoping

          that life will let us in

          days march by

          but still we try

          over and over again

          like there's no need to pretend

can you tell me

what lies in store

beyond the border

of my front door

it may not matter

anymore

but it's important to me

both of us

got a lucky break

I know it's there

for us to take

being alive

is not a mistake

how can I help you see?

          there's reason and rhyme

          but now it's time

          for our lives to begin

          as days pass by

          in hope we cry

          it's time to let us in

          there's no need to pretend

grocery store

I overbought at the grocery store

the cart said to me "give me more"

so I filled it up with cheetos and beer

hostess twinkies and pork rinds

and whatever else that I could find

then I took it all up to the cashier

she said "you're gonna die someday

if you don't quit eating this-a-way

put some of that back on the shelf"

I said to her "you're not my mom"

and I put all my items on

the conveyor belt and walked out by myself

so I went to a supermarket

I pulled up my car and parked it

I bought the same crap that I did before

I told the cashier "this is mine!

lecture to me some other time!"

I paid in cash and walked out through the doors

the troubled life

I'm having one of those days

where everything goes wrong

I don't know why I'm surprised

I should have known it all along

my teeth hurt, my head aches

and my good luck's turned bad

and bad luck is the only friend

that I've ever had

          what can I do?

          gather up my playthings

          and run back home to you

          I don't think so

          the troubled life is the only life I know

I want to go back to bed

and hide under the covers

and dream of days that came before

with assorted friends and lovers

but responsibility calls

I answer without thinking

I need to find a new way out

maybe I'll start drinking

          what can I say?

          should I try again tomorrow

          or is it just another day?

          I don't think so

          the troubled life will never go away

someday the sun will shine again

and I'll turn myself around

to face a world where everything

is dressed in safe and sound

but for now I'll standing still

while the world spins around me

maybe you can rescue me

I'm so glad you found me

          where can I go?

          should I change my appearance

          and be someone who won't show?

          I don't think so

          the troubled life's the only life I know

          

no need to pretend

let me tell you

what it will be

the best of luck

for you and me

in our lifetimes

we will see

the answer to our dreams

all our great plans

are coming true

they're waiting there

for me and you

you may think

I've got the blues

but that's not what it seems

          the doors are open

          while we keep hoping

          that life will let us in

          days march by

          but still we try

          over and over again

          there's no need to pretend

can you tell me

what lies in store

beyond the border

of my front door

it may not matter

anymore

but it's important to me

both of us

need a lucky break

I know it's there

for us to take

being alive

is not a mistake

it's the only way to be

          there's reason and rhyme

          but now it's time

          for our lives to begin

          as days pass by

          in hope we cry

          it's time to let us in

          there's no need to pretend

I know where I'm going

I know where I'm going

you don't need to tell me

what my next step will be

I am on my way

I know where I'm going

I know the way there

but I don't have to stay there

I'm leaving today

I know what I'm doing

I've made my connections

I don't need suggestions

I've made up my mind

it's life I'm pursuing

and it's my life alone

I don't have to go home

let's see what I find

          a world outside

          is waiting for me

          so many new faces

          I've yet to see

I know what I'm making

when I'm making mistakes

but my lucky break

is just around the bend

it's mine for the taking

I've waited so long

to right all the wrongs

I won't go through that again

          a world outside

          is what I need

          get out of my way

          I'm ready to proceed

I know where I'm going

all my life I've waited

I've anticipated

where life will lead

I know where I'm going

I don't have to borrow

a better tomorrow

is what I need

what I have

this is what I do all day

just to waste the time away

I look at what I don't have

and feel envy deep inside

everything that isn't mine

a house, a car, a valentine

all the stuff I really want

has somehow been denied

          I could look the other way

          or think about another day

          but that's not good enough for me

          I could look at what I have

          something for my own behalf

          something that won't cause me jealousy

someone else's problems

I need to look at

someone else's problems

my mind's too set on

watching my own

I see my mind's puzzles

and I try to solve them

so I don't acknowledge

what I've never known

out on the street

other people have troubles

with money and family

and God knows what else

here I live alone

safe in my little bubble

thinking too much

about saving myself

          someone else's problems

          are just as important than mine

          to be so self-centered

          should be a crime

in tents on the sidewalk

some people are living

other people are so lonely

it swallows them whole

life in this world

is so unforgiving

it jangles your senses

and pierces your soul

          someone else's problems

          make mine look so small

          still I keep trying

          to make sense of it all

so today I will think about

someone else's problems

and I will tell myself

there's nothing I can do

yet a whole lot of people

are trying to dissolve them

the excuses I make

none of them are true

you can be a cowboy

you can be a cowboy

no one has to know

you don't have to wear a hat

or ride the rodeo

so take your old guitar

down from the shelf

you can be a cowboy

and still be yourself

it's all in your thinking

and not what you're told

when you find out you're a cowboy

deep in your soul

it's nothing you're choosing

it's something you are

you can be a cowboy

deep down in your heart

          yipee ty-wy-oh

          sit by the campfire

          or ride along slow

          yipee ty-wy-ay

          and accept your place

          inside the milky way

you can be a cowboy

if only in your mind

you don't need to have a posse

just a hankering inside

you don't have to be jesse james

or anybody else

you can be a cowboy

and still be yourself

you can be a cowboy

and still be yourself

refuse to be afraid

all my plans have been mislaid

I don't know where to turn

I tried my best and faked the rest

and there were no lessons learned

but still I try and still I fail

but I just try again

struggle is not my best friend

but it will carry me toward the win

          if life is a game

          and if I'm to blame

          for all the mistakes I have made

          I'll try one more time

          I'm using my mind

          and I refuse to be afraid

with every newborn day

all his thoughts are circling

like bees inside his brain

every thought is different

but still, they're all the same

so he searches and he finds

a qualified therapist

who listens to him and says

"listen, I'll take care of this"

so he goes twice a week

like the doctor says he should

he bemoans his wretched life

his fucked-up childhood

and he's making progress

he can tell with every session

but still he can't control

his mind-numbing depression

          he says "can you help me

          sadness just won't let me be

          I keep trying but I'm sensing

          a disease inside of me"

          it strikes like a virus

          there must be another way

          but he always keeps on trying

          with every newborn day

          

do you ever think of me

do you ever think of me

when darkness makes it hard to see

and decisions where and when to leave

run in and out of your mind

am I in your memories

or am I not what you believed

could bring you blessings to receive

not what you hoped to find

          I'm right here

          if you should need me

          hiding in plain sight

          I will go

          where you lead me

          I will shine my light

do you ever think of me

among all of your histories

you just need to whisper, please

I will answer you

I am somewhere to be found

amid your war torn battle grounds

I will always be around

with a love that's true

          I'm right here

          you can call my name

          I am sure to listen

          you and I

          are not to blame

          we do not need permission

do you ever think of me

when your thoughts do not agree

do you recall when we were free

and life was worth living

yesterday has passed us by

today's our only chance to try

it is our fate to wonder why

our hearts can be forgiving

still I keep trying

I try to do the best I can

in whatever I may do

but sometimes I just screw up

and I can't make it through

this jungle we call living

I wish I was someone else

but still I keep trying

like I just can't help myself

sometimes I have no idea

why I continue on this path

when I think of the mistakes I've made

I just have to laugh

it seems like there's no way out

of the trouble I have known

but still I keep trying

that's the only thing I know

maybe tomorrow or the next day

or further up the road

I'll know exactly what to do

I'll know where I have to go

and that's where you can find me

in the very same place as you

still I keep trying

it's all I know to do

today you're falling in love

today may be the same as yesterday

but it will not be for long

something's going to happen

that is the opposite of wrong

it'll come just like the sunset

it'll come as a surprise

it'll set your heart on fire

and you won't believe your eyes

          the world is calling

          no time for stalling

          today you're falling

          today you're falling in love

it can hit you like a freight train

or be as peaceful as a sigh

don't think that you're just walking

or that you're only passing by

don't fight with cynicism

or have something else to do

love is walking down the street

and it's headed right for you

          it's a gift worth hauling'

          it's quite enthralling

          today you're falling 

          today you're falling in love

          you thought it wouldn't happen

          you never thought that you'd be wrong

          you never thought you'd end up

          right where you belong

          there's no use in bawling

          your heart is installing

          today you're falling

          today you're falling in love

always waiting

always waiting

that's what you do

hoping that your message

will make it through

in service lines

on the phone

always waiting

time unknown

the phone is ringing

you're feeling fine

then you get a recording

that takes lots of time

you have frustration

but you've just begun

always waiting

you've just begun

music plays

while you're on hold

the same old song

it's getting old

but still you stay

but it's been a trial

always waiting

it's been a while

someday they'll answer

you swear it's true

somebody will be

on the line for you

remember what 

you need to say

always waiting

it takes all day

another day on this earth

I've wasted another day on this earth

with trivial matters I don't want to explain

I had intentions that were all so good

now emptiness is all that remains

I have two choices

one is to accept it

the other is to sit in self pity

my brain cannot make up its mind

maybe I should form a committee

let's pretend we're famous

there's nothing happening in our lives

success we never see

we always had such lofty dreams

living in you and me

but let's forget the failures

the contests, the should-have-beens

tonight is our time to shine

if we imagine we'll win

          let's pretend we're famous

          we're recognized on the street

          let's pretend we're famous

          celebrities we're happy to meet

          we're really like everyone else

          and nobody could blame us

          right now in this night of nights

          let's pretend we're famous

tonight there'll be the biggest stars

and we'll be there with toes a-tapping

waiting for the best to come

maybe something will happen

we'll be in front of the TV 

both dressed in our finest

with popcorn and some foreign beer

no one will never-mind us

          let's pretend we're famous

          you and me and our guitars

          let's pretend we're famous

          we deserve to be among the stars

          when they mob us both tonight

          our fans will come to save us

          this is all that we've lived for

          let's pretend we're famous

          and even though it's just a game

          there's one thing of which is sure

          though we dream of shining lights

          we'll still remain obscure

          let's pretend we're famous

          stars of stage and screen

          let's poretend we're famous

          we see ourselves in magazines

          and when the media walk on by

          I hope that they will name us

          we may be unknowns stuck here at home

          so let's pretend we're famous

something to happen

I'm waiting for something to happen

in this miserable life of mine

I've worked as well as I could have

and still I end up resigned

to a life where nothing happens

or, if it does, it's always bad

all of my life I've been waiting

oh, this terrible life I have had

each morning the sun's always rising

and I wake to greet the new day

of mistakes and worries and bad news

nothing will go my way

and one day is just like the other

an exercise in pure frustration

I know that I do not deserve

the benefits of my station

false sense of security

I hope nobody interrupts 

my false sense of security

I need it to carry on

in my normal daily life

I have no grand illusions

inside I have no purity

I just have good intentions

that all will turn out right

my false sense of security

protects me when I'm frightened

it helps me to believe

trouble's not around the bend

but sometimes it doesn't work

my senses are all heightened

panic is what I go for

and sanity is not my friend

questions

what if the worst happens?

my imagination knows where to go

what if I am helpless?

what if I'm too dumb to know?

I keep wondering

about the person I would be

I keep wondering

why did I end up as me?

what if it all falls apart?

my imagination knows what to do

take all this worthless information

down my avenue

I am curious

why do I bring my own self down

I am furious

that I've been turned around

soldier on

I asked her how she did it

traded darkness for the dawn

she looked inside herself and said

I soldier on

I asked how she kept on going

on this earth we stand upon

she hung her head and simply said

I soldier on

          I soldier on

          I keep going

          I don't know what else to do

          I soldier on

          I have the same spirit

          jnside of me

          as you

she told me about the troubles

the battles left unwon

and how she learned to ignore them

she said I soldier on

and when her heart was on the sidelines

and all her hope was gone

she learned to rise above it

she said I soldier on

          I soldier on

          I keep going

          it's all I know to do

          I soldier on

          I have the same spirit

          inside of me

          as you

never was enough

you remember that moment

when it all went wrong

when your good luck was over

and you had to move along

looking at the failure

that caused you to give up

no matter what you earned

it never was enough

you once were a believer

that you could reach great heights

you worked with all your being

you tried with all your might

and when everything shut down

and the going got rough

you realized thay what you've done

it never was enough

            so what are you going to do now

            it's too late for things to start

            you worked as hard as you could

            but still it fell apart

you remember that moment

when your dreams fell through

and all the hoped you held inside

died inside of you

but still you keep on trying

with the part of you that's tough

but still there's no denying

that it never is enough