in my own sweet time (rewrite 1)

I will do this

I will do that

I can be your dog

or I could be your cat

I could be your best friend

or Frankenstein

I will do it all

in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time

          I will take what's mine

          all in my own sweet time

I'm making the rules

and I know what's fair

I believe I'm as cool

as a Fridgedare

I walk these streets

looking for a sign

believing it can happen

in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time

          I'll be at the scene of the crime

          all in my own sweet time

on my way

to what will be

from tomorrowland

to history

if life takes the back roads

well, I don't mind

I"ll get there eventually

in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time

          I've got some mountains to climb

          all in my own sweet time

       

in my own sweet time

I will do this

I will do that

I can be your dog

or I could be your cat

I could be Dracula

or Frankenstein

I will do it all

in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time

          I will take what's mine

          all in my own sweet time

I'm making the rules

and I know what's fair

I believe I'm as cool

as a Fridgedare

I walk these streets

looking for a sign

believing it can happen

in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time

          I'll be the scene of the crime

          all in my own sweet time

on my way

to what will be

from tomorrowland

to history

if life takes the back roads

well, I don't mind

I"ll find it all 

in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time

          in my own sweet time

          I've got some mountains to climb

          all in my own sweet time

       

compares to me

God, save me from my ego

it's getting out of hand

how can so much selfishness

exist inside a man

I need to stop pretending

that I know the mystery

I measure everything

on how it compares to me

it's not that I don't matter

it's not that I don't exist

I just think too much about myself

instead of everything I've missed

if I could think of someone else

then maybe I'd be free

instead of looking at real life

and how it compares to me

average

it's okay to be average

that's what I tell myself

every time I'm wishing

that I was someone else

it's okay to be something

like others on this earth

maybe being average

is more than I am worth

I have tried my hardest

to be the best I can be

but maybe being average

is all that's inside of me

and maybe I'm not even average

maybe I fall below the mark

maybe I'm just making my way

outside of the dark

tomorrow this will pass

then again, maybe not

maybe this insecurity

is all I've really got

away from possibility

away from hard-wired luck

it's okay to be average

either way I'm fucked

Christmas is over

Christmas is over

and I am sad

'cause it was the best Christmas

I've ever had

there was lots of music

friends and family

there were even presents

under the Christmas tree

but now it's over

and I feel blue

but I'll still wish

a merry Christmas for you

allow me to start over

allow me to start over

I've felt so bad for so long

that I don't know my right from my left

I can't tell right from wrong

I know that I will survive this

that someday I will feel fine

but for now the pain is unending

healing takes a long, long time

I've been sad for so long now

that I can barely breathe

all I want in this troubling time

is a reason to believe

but I feel no hope inside

I can't wait until the dawn

all I want for you to give

is a way I can carry on

a hallmark poem

today is a day of peace

of magic

of faith

with glitter and snow

all over the place

may God bless you

in all that you do

today is a day of peace

merry Christmas to you

bright star in the highest heaven

bright star in the highest heaven

shine upon my family

shine above my truest friends

shine upon my enemies

the darkest night is falling fast

no light for us to see

bright star in the highest heaven

if you can, will you shine on me

thankful

it's quiet here

inside this apartment

there is snow on the ground

it's shivering outside

but my heater works

and at least I bought groceries

today I'm thankful

I think I'm going to survive

waiting for snow

I am waiting for snow

I've got my camera out

I'm into the spirit

that's what it's all about

I've got a pot of hot coffee

a bowlful of weed

Louis Armstrong on You Tube

what else do I need?

all the presents are wrapped

and ready to go

all we need now

is a yard's worth of snow

it's sleeting right now

and I don't mean to complain

but I'd rather have snow

than freezing rain

inside, it is warm

thermal underwear on

and a sidewalk where I

can walk upon

in the morning I'll wake

everything will be white

Merry Christmas to all

and tio all a good night

this life I'm living

I hate it when evil

flows out of my mind

I want myself to be

fair and loving and kind

I thought I left

all my jealousy behind

but I guess I was wrong

I have learned

you have to stand by yourself

not to depend on

anyone else

but once in a while

I need some help

I want to get along

with everyone out there

with whom I share hopes and dreams

all these whining thoughts inside me

are not what they seem

          let me be honest

          let me be good

          help me to live my life

          the way I should

          all that I need

          is to be giving

          that's all I want

          in this life I'm living

since you left

since you left

I don't know what to do

everything I am

is all mixed up with you

I remember you

every single day

it's been pretty damn lonely

since you went away

          everything comes to an end

          death is not my friend

since you left

I hear you in the songs

the radio keeps playing

all day long

I wish you could play them once again

like you did before

every time I hear them

I miss you a little bit more

          everything comes to an end

          death is not my friend

I will always think of you

I'll remember your voice

I will look at your memory

as something to rejoice

but for now there's sadness

tears upon my face

but the friendship I had with you

will never be erased

          everything comes to an end

          death is not my friend

a normal life

what I want is a normal life

with people around me

so I am not alone

what I want is a peaceful life

with new friends drinking coffee

with old friends on the phone

I don't like this feeling lonesome

I want it like it was before

what I want is a normal life

with peace inside

and outside my front door

what I want is a happy life

with thoughts of joy around me

that I'm allowed to choose

what I want is a useful life

where I can do my best

in my daily walking shoes

I don't like this modern living

where greed takes center stage

what I want is a normal life

where I don't have to act my age

'tis the holy season

today I get to spend some time

with friends and family

'tis the holy season

with love and light to see

and I am sitting on this chair

cynical as can be

still I wish for Christmas warmth

to wash over me

let me ignore the comments

let me ignore the comments

on this online article

let me have my opinion

and then I'll be on my way

with all this crap behind me

every single particle

all the stupid bullshit

that you go through every day

Christmas is coming

Christmas is coming

and I am so alone

thinking of my childhood

wishing I was home

the smell of fresh tamales

the glory of the songs

now I lie awake and wonder

where did I go wrong

I made my mistakes

and I'm paying for them now

I'd like to live in peace and joy

but I don't know how

there are no friends to visit

the sky outside is cold

I know there is no Santa

and I am turning old

Jesus grant me vision

to see the blessings of my life

let me do my level best

until it turns out right

I need some help this Christmas

I know what I'm dreaming of

Jesus, give us hope this Christmas

Jesus, give us love

headphones on (rewrite 1)

I've got my headphones on

I've got 'em turned up loud

I'm in my own little world

where you are not allowed

I've got nothing but noise

turned up to ten

so I can't hear you

you are not my friend

I've got my headphones on

your voice can't find my ears

I'm busy ignoring you

it could be my career

your mouth is wide open

but I can't hear your words

my avoidance of you

must leave you disturbed

          the sound of your breathing

          now has passed and gone

          so now I'm getting even

          I've got my headphones on

          I've got my headphones on

I've got my headphones on

I've got nothing to fear

because when it comes to you

I'm closing both my ears

so go your own way

and I will follow mine

everything comes to an end

in its own sweet time

          the sound of your breathing

          now has passed and gone

          so now I'm getting even

          I've got my headphones on

          I've got my headphones on

no trumpets

there are no trumpets

no bands playing

when you finally go back

to your hometown

all the old places 

are busy decaying

you're staying

on the wrong side of the tracks

nobody

nobody sees me 

standing here

all by myself

no one near

the answer comes up

crystal clear

I do not matter

there are no friends

knocking at my door

there is no kindness

for me to ignore

nothing's like

it was before

my whole world is shattered

          and now I stand here

          all alone

          like a child

          without a home

          nobody sees me

          out on my own

          nobody

loneliness

somebody call me on the phone

somebody knock on my door

I'm stuck in this place all alone

I know there must be something more

somebody make me a friend

somebody speak out my name

I've forgotten how to pretend

and I know there is no one to blame

          I'm so tired of this loneliness

          isolation is not for me

          all I need is one other person

          to set my loneliness free

I guess I don't matter anymore

I guess I don't matter anymore

all those words that you said

were just lies meant for me

this time you've hurt me to the core

not that you would notice

I'm someone you will never see

for what I am

and I realize that you don't give a damn

I'm someone to ignore

I guess I don't matter anymore

I don't belong in your past

whoever I have been

is not who you want to know

I know nothing lasts

but I didn't know that you would see me

as the one to go

and now I see

that you were only trying to get rid of me

you're not who you were before

I guess I don't matter anymore

headphones on

I've got my headphones on

I've got them turned up loud

I'm in my own little world

and you are not allowed

I've got nothing but noise

turned up to ten

so I can't hear you

you are not my friend

I've got my headphones on

your voice can't find my ears

I'm busy ignoring you

I've made it my career

your mouth is wide open

but I can't hear your words

I bet my avoidance of you

must leave you disturbed

          the sound of your breathing

          now has passed and gone

          so now I'm getting even

          I've got my headphones on

I've got my headphones on

I'm no longer prone to violence

because when it comes to you

all I hear is silence

so you can go your way

and I will follow mine

everything comes to an end

in its own sweet time

          the sound of your breathing

          now has passed and gone

          so now I'm getting even

          I've got my headphones on

all my failures (rewrite 1)

all my failures

have left their mark

upon my fragile mind

all the mistakes

all the fears

all I've left behind

I wouldn't know good luck

if it hit me 

between the eyes

is it a blessing

or a curse

every time I start to try

all my failures

they all add up

to who I am right now

I could win

I know I can

I just can't figure out how

I've studied all the lessons

I've processed all I've learned

so won't somebody tell me

when it is finally my turn

all my failures

are part of me

but I'm not afraid anymore

I did my best

I faked the rest

and now I'm looking for

a way to live and prosper

before time passes me by

is it a blessing 

or a curse

each time I start to try

all my failures

all my failures

have left their mark

upon my fragile mind

all the mistakes

all the fears

all I've left behind

I wouldn't know good luck

if it hit me 

between the eyes

is it a blessing

or a curse

every time I start to try

day off

there's so much to do

think I'll lie here in bed

where it's cozy and warm

pillows under my head

and stay for a while

where it's safe and sound

no responsibilities

and nobody around

          I'm taking the day off

          and no one can stop me

          pour me some coffee

          I'm taking the day off

you love the darkness

you love the darkness

it follows you wherever you go

you love the darkness

the only thing you've ever known

so you can't help it if you're

feeling blue

it's a natural reaction

that's inside of you

is there anything

you think you can do

to heal

but it's just how you feel

and there's no way out

in the long run (rewrite 1 of I don't matter)

so this is what happens

whenever I get sad

I have to hide my feelings

even though it hurts so bad

so I will look into your eyes

and smile to your face

and then I'll quickly run

the hell out of this place

          in the long run

          I am not someone

          who matters to you

          but I will not be

          the tragedy

          that you want me to

I cannot get angry

I must hold it all inside

I always move slowly

when fear is my guide

no amount of love

can ever be enough

so I'm crying uncle

it's time for giving up

          in the long run

          not much that I've done

          will matter to you

          but I will not see

          the history

          of what you put me through

maybe tomottow

I'll feel all right

but first I must

make it through tonight

you've hurt me so bad

I don't know what to do

except to ignore myself

and say nothing to you

          in the long run

          the wars that I have won

          they won't matter to you

          and now you see

          what you've done to me

          but there's nothing that you can do

          I will pull myself through

I don't matter

so this is what happens

whenever I get sad

I must hide my feelings

even though it hurts so bad

so I will tell a joke

and smile to your face

and then quickly run

the hell out of this place

          in the long run

          I am not someone

          I don't matter

I cannot get angry

I must hold it inside

I always move slowly

with fear as my guide

no amount of love

is ever enough

so I'm crying uncle

I'm giving up

          in the long run

          not much that I've done

          I don't matter

maybe tomottow

I'll feel all right

but first I must

make it through tonight

you've hurt me so bad

I don't know what to do

except to carry on

and say nothing to you

          in the long run

          no wars have I won

          I don't matter

child inside your soul

all those days you don't remember

memories don't come into sight

this only serves to show you

that something didn't turn out right

all those toxic romances

all those fair weather friends

all your childhood suffering

you wish they'd come to an end

          everything you do now

          is to regain control

          so go ahead and comfort

          the child inside your soul

          

after the war is over

I will be waiting for you

after the war is over

when we have been blessed in peace

bright as the morning sun

I will be there for you

after the war is over

when you awake and find

a new day has begun

summer evening 1947

the night is warm

stars are in the sky

lighting up the world

like ten thousand fireflies

and you are here with me

out on the front porch

you ask me if I love you

the answer is "of course"

          all is good here

          I will not be leaving

          all I want is to be with you

          on this summer evening

your parents are in the house

they won't bother us here

let all your apprehension

finally disappear

the night is silent

there isn't much to do

except sit on the porch swing

right next to you

          all is good here

          and I will be believing

          that I'll be beside you

          on this summer evening

in the dead of winter

when the world is gray

I'll think about the porch swing

and hope for sunny days

I will long remember

the warmth inside your eyes 

and your memory will soothe me

as the snow falls from the sky

          all is good here

          in every breath I'm breathing

          I will remember you

          on this summer evening

          

stay in bed

the streets are paved in silver

the sky is cold and gray

the clouds are busy raining

and all I do is complain

I want sunshine and roses

to greet me when I wake

when I get up in winter

it's usually a mistake

          all I want is to stay in bed

          blankets to keep me warm   

          and pillows under my head

I need to turn on the heater

my apartment's getting cold

the warmth I felt in summer

has gotten way too old

autumn has forgotten me

and spring is far away

the nights have become longer

and I'm missing most of the day

          all I want is to stay in bed

          with the radio to listen to

          and books I've never read

you should come back and see me

like, seven months from now

I'll be feeling fine then

the sun will show me how

and then I will be happy

and, hopefully, safe and sound

maybe I'll even be ready

when next winter rolls around

          all I want is to stay in bed

          blankets to keep me warm

          and pillows under my head

out the window

I am staring out the window

to a place I once called home

before I grew up and wandered

off to the great unknown

there was so much to look at

so much to be aware

of all the places I've been to

nothing could compare

pretending

I am pretending to be human

as much as I can

I'm pretending that I

grew up to be a man

with all my dreams unbroken

and all my faith intact

with my shoes untied

it's all just a balancing act

I am pretending I am happy

so you won't ever see

the frozen fear of silence

that I feel inside me

can you tell I'm lying?

can you tell I'm sad?

all I know is that in my life

I've never felt so bad

while I walk

while I walk

from here to there

I will not be

unaware

I will watch out

for the signs

and all the pain

I've left behind

and so I wait (rewrite 2)

all my life

I've been learning to stand in line

begging for crumbs

that others have left behind

hoping that life

does not crush me in two

but now I'm done

I don't know what to do

          and so I wait

          for something I know is mine

          and so I wait

          for something I may never find

I have hoped

that the truth will set me free

all I have

are these lies inside of me

that were told to me

so very long ago

now I'm looking around

for something else to know

          and so I wait

          for something I've left behind

          and so I wait

          for something I may never find

someday I

will see what life can be

all the purpose

I hold inside of me

but till that day

all I can do is try

I do not want

life to pass me by

          and so I wait

          for something I know is mine

          and still I wait

          for something I may never find

approaching speed

music plays in the background

but that's all I hear

all your nouns and verbs

will never meet my ears

melodies and harmonies

are all I really need

I will be ready

I'll be approaching speed

and so I wait (rewrite 1)

all my life

I've been learning to stand in line

begging for crumbs

that others have left behind

hoping that life

does not crush me in two

but now I'm done

I don't know what to do

          and so I wait

          for something I know is mine

          and so I wait

          for something I'll never find

I have hoped

that the truth will set me free

all I have

are these lies inside of me

that were told to me

so very long ago

now I'm looking around

for something else to know

          and so I wait

          for something I've left behind

          and so I wait

          for something I'll never find

so I wait

all my life

I've been learning to stand in line

begging for crumbs

that others have left behind

hoping that life

does not crush me in two

but now I'm done

I don't know what to do

          and so I wait

          for something I know is mine

          and so I wait

          for something I'll never find

haunted

lately I've been haunted

by the ghosts inside my soul

they threaten all my hidden thoughts

they crave complete control

they laugh at all my mistakes

they make me shiver inside

and they show no mercy

I have to run and hide

my whole life I've been haunted

by things I've never seen

moments of my childhood

dread inside of dreams

my ghosts, they know what hurts me

and they're not afraid to try

I fear my ghosts will be here

until the day I die

nothing to say

you tell me you have nothing to say

well, I guess you'll say it anyway

you have so many words

inside your mouth

describing all the things I'm not

and they all add up to more than a lot

I am the latest project

you've been thinking about

when you have nothing to say

words still come out all night and day

you're not sure of the meaning

but still it enters your speech

and something about it still ain't right

it echoes on through the lonely night

while everything you need

is just out of reach

your own sweet way

make a cup of coffee

good to start your day

you've shaved and you've showered

time to start your way

out in the big world

where strangers always rule

there's lots of information

that they don't teach in school

          you can do it

          you can make it through the day

          if you do everything

          your own sweet way

there's a ton of mistakes

wrong decisions that burn

but you must have problems

in order to learn

out in the big world

pain is inevitable

that's why your accomplishments

are so damn incredible

          you can do it

          no matter what they may say

          if you fight the demons

          in your own sweet way

nothing is going right

nothing is going right

just like so many times before

if there's a competition for fucking up

I should be keeping score

so many mistakes

so many failures

seem to come my way

I know my chance will never come

what more can I say?

everything is going wrong

all my work has been in vain

I'm outside with no protection

and I believe it's going to rain

so many disappointments

so many broken dreams

promises I'll never know

I have been a failure now

with not many miles to go

early winter haiku

leaves line the sidewalk

bitter wind blows through these old bones

winter is early

sparrow flies

sparrow flies 

and all is good

sparrow owns the neighborhood

sparrow sees you

sitting there

but sparrow doesn't care

          sparrow

          fly away for me

          this earthly living

          won't let me be

sparrow flies

to an old oak tree

sparrow looks down

at the likes of me

what she thinks

is anyone's guess

all I know is 

she couldn't care less

          sparrow

          fly away for me

          teach me how

          to be free

sparrow flies

she speads her wings

sparrow lives

in the song she sings

sparrow rests

when day is through

sparrow carries

your hope for you

today I am afraid

today I am afraid

but I will not be for long

I know the difference between good and evil

the facts behind right and wrong

and I know that I have courage

I just need to find it here

and once I find it I will know

that it is the end of my fear

          I don't look behind 

          as much as I used to

          it takes work to find

          the courage within you

I will not waste my time

I will not waste my time

trying to be someone else

for better or worse

I'm going to be myself

wake up in the morning

glad to be alive

doing more that I need

I won't simply survive

I will not waste my time

doing the devil's work

thinking only of myself

and not the ones who are hurt

by endless trouble

by life's other side

I must learn to help others

this cannot be denied

I will not waste my time

I'll do what needs to be done

when the heart meets the mind

something special has begun

and I won't be a loser

I will do my very best

and then I'll let the spirit

do all the work that's left

painting

like a painting hanging on the wall

I am an ornament for your life

with colors begging for your attention

and meant only for your eyes

am I meant to be in someone's bargain basement?

is Goodwill waiting for me?

it is so hard being in this painting

oh, how I yearn to be free

like a child I am talking to you

but you're the one who's in control

I have my questions and I'm waiting for your answers

I'm hidden deep within my soul

I don't think that I can love you

but it never hurts to ask

except for the rejection I will go through

after I've completed the task

old man trouble

I do the same old thing

day after day

who's gonna do it

when I pass away

someone will have to

fill my shoes

while they sing that old

walkin' blues

          oh, Lord, 

          won't you set me free

          I've got old man trouble inside of me

I've lived a simple life

that's where I've been situated

how did everything get

so damn complicated

I know where I stand

I try my best

so why do I have

such little success

          oh, bad luck

          why can't you leave me be

          I've got old man trouble inside of me

          I've got no money in my pockets

          holes in both my shoes

          I always try to win

          so why then do I lose

I wake up every morning

wanting to stay in bed

take those old pillows

and put them over my head

let me fall back to sleep

away from the lion's den

and then you can wake me up

I'll start over again

          oh, Lord

          save me from this misery

          I've got old man trouble inside of me

I can't wake up

I can't wake up

no matter how I try

my eyes are not ready

to face the morning sky

my feet are cold

and this bed is so warm

I feel as if

I'm about to be born

I can't wake up

the news is so bad

if I stay here in bed

no news will be had

I'll dream peaceful dreams

with nothing at stake

maybe this afternoon

I will wake

the other side

I have been waiting for so long now

I've forgotten what I was waiting for

a sense of silence

an empty house

an aching heart

and an open door

I don't want to be here anymore

I want to see the other side

everything that I hoped for

has passed another way

what made sense in the past

does not work today

I don't care what anyone has to say

I want to see the other side

I was sleeping

I dreamed that I was sleeping

I couldn't hardly breathe

and as much as I was trying

I just couldn't leave

my bed, and it was frightening

I'd soon had enough

and just when I thought I was a goner

I woke up

          why do these things

          always happen to me?

          all I'm looking for

          is a way to be free

run and hide

you were right

I was wrong

now we'll never

get along

you hurt my feelings

I have my pride

now I have to

run and hide

I did my best

but it's not enough

my shirt is torn

my shoes are scruffed 

my basic requests

have been denied

now I have to

run and hide

          run and hide

          back and forth

          our relationship

          has run its course

          run and hide

          forth and back

          my unstable heart

          is under attack

I was wrong

you were right

two ships passing

in the cold black night

I need someone

who's on my side

now I have to

run and hide

walking through the jungle

I went walking through the jungle

of my old neighborhood

looking for history

to show me its face

I should have remembered

I was up to no good

I did what I could

to finish the race

now where am I to go?

there's so many places

of which I don't know

I'll take a look around

before I make my choice

I'll think everything through

before I use my voice

can you help me?

you're fine (rewrite 3)

stop for a second

maybe you'll find

a sense of silence

for once, in your mind

leave all your troubles

and worries behind

you're fine

take a deep breath

open your lungs

life is as good

as when you were young

all of your stars

now are aligned

you're fine

          maybe you're worried

          maybe you're blue

          maybe there's hope

          inside of you

rest for a minute

close your eyes

does a moment of peace

come as a surprise

your mind can be quiet

you know that it's time

you're fine

life can be hard

it ebbs and flows

here's something

you might want to know

you don't need to panic

you'll have peace of mind

you're fine

you don't need to panic

you'll have peace of mind

you're fine