Friday, April 30, 2010

Things are going not-bad



Was it Pizza Day?

No. Burrito. Carne Asada.

It was a pretty good Friday. I've been really tired and luckily I don't have a whole lot to do this weekend. I'm gonna wash clothes and go see my niece and my brother and his wife.

So things have improved from a few weeks ago, haven't they? You're not living in blissful happiness but you're not dismally depressed like you were.

Yeah, I'm boring.

Boring can be good, farmboy.

In my case, boring is good. I'm so tired of being so bipolar all the fuckin' time. I'm so fuckin' sensitive that I wanna scream.

You've been writing...

Yeah, that's been really nice. It's really wonderful to be musically active as opposed to being musically frustrated. I have to get more confident, believe in myself more, and all those fuckin' self-help cliches. You know, my problem is that I feel like I don't have a right to be an honest-to-God musician.

Your problem is that at a young age you believed the lies that said you couldn't do music.

Yeah. I don't know how to unlearn things.

Fake it till you make it.

I hate cliches.

I know. But sometimes...

Yeah, yeah, I know. Let's not focus on that right now, because things are going not-bad.

And that's good.

That's fuckin' good.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The way I use imagination

Man, I tell you...

Tell me.

(Sings) I'll tell you/ a thing or two/ but that's not all/I'm gonna do/And you won't have a clue/Just a thiiing oooorrr twooooo. (laughs)

Always with the rhymes.

It's in the blood. It's in the heart. It's in the soul.

Yeah, yeah. How're you doing, farmboy?

I'm okay. Tomorrow's Friday. Tomorrow's payday. Oh, man, the groceries I'm gonna buy! I can't wait!

So April was better than March?

Oh, yeah, thanks to money from music.

Good for you. Congratulations!

Thank you.

Your plan for May? the stuff I didn't do in April. Work on the church gigs, try to get another grant, keep writing, keep playing...

Keep that imagination going.

That is 100% fuckin' right, man. Fuck, I got the greatest fuckin' imagination around. Not like in a science-fiction sense, but in a human sense.

Hence the songwriting.

I love the word "hence." Almost as much as "sans."

Your imagination has kept you going.

Yeah. The only problem with...with the way I use imagination is that I use it to the point of isolating myself from other human beings.

Interesting. I like the way you said that.

Use those I-messages, man, some people love it.

And you?

In this case, it's accurate. And I go with accurate.

You're such a writer.

I strive to be as accurate as I possibly can when I write.

Are you writing lately?

Yeah. And I kind of have to isolate to write, in a way.

I can understand that.

I read an interview with Joni Mitchell once from a long time ago and she said she had to be isolated to write.

Well, there you go.

There you go.

Go use your imagination wisely, farmboy.

I'll try.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

In the summer, with the window open

Man, I am so fuckin' tired.

Then go to bed. Go to sleep.

I can't.

Why not?

It's only 7:30, dude. Plus I got a chicken in the oven that's not done for another 15 minutes.

So what are you going to do?

Uh, I was thinking about maybe having, like, a conversation? With you?

Okay, let's talk.

Good. But I don't have a whole lot to say 'cause I'm tired.

Look, I'll ask you some questions.


Give me an image of when you're feeling good.

I have this image of waking up early, in the summer, with the window open and your can feel a cool breeze on your skin and you know it's a new day.

That's a good image.

Yeah, I like that one. I want to wake up, rested, and it'll be summer and I won't have to go to work -- I mean, not at my job. I'll probably be playing a gig that day or evening or whatever.

That'll happen this summer.

That would be so fuckin' cool, man.

How's your chicken doing?

I'm sure it's almost done.

You should tend to that, and then get some rest, farmboy.

Oh, I'm going to.

'Night, farmboy.


Monday, April 26, 2010

Just hangin' out, you know?

Did you survive your personal day?

Yeah, it was good. I'm going to work tomorrow.

How about tonight?

Just hangin' out, you know? Listen to podcasts, read music blogs, play guitar. I went to the library to return books and I made a really healthy pot of chili with ground turkey and vegetables. I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep.In other words, I'm boring. Which is not necessarily a bad thing.

Nothing to talk about?

Not really. A decent day, you know, but nothing groundbreaking...

Which is okay. Which is good.

I like it and I think I may need it right now. How are you?

I'm good, farmboy. Thanks for asking.

So d'ya wanna meet tomorrow?


I'm sorry. I wish my life was more exciting.

What? It's okay to search the internet and make chili...

Healthy chili. It's got vegetables. Zucchini, carrots, broccoli, celery...

That's chili? I thought living eleven years in Austin, Texas would have taught you what chili really is.

I know. I gotta have some way to eat vegetables.

They're good for you.

I know. But that doesn't make me dislike them any less. But this chili's not bad, really. It's got lots of garlic and onion and oregano and Serrano chili...wait, that might not be it. It's that really hot chili, that painfully hot hot, you know?

There's all that plus salt and freshly ground pepper and curry powder...

Curry powder?

Just a little. My mom would cook with curry. Her dad was from northern India. That's part of why I have such dark skin. Mexican and Indian. And Apache, but I don't know hardly anything about that. I'm glad I am, though.

So a little curry gives it a good taste. Trust me.

I do. I love curry.

Do you like Thai food?

Yes, but not too spicy.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I like, like, a medium level of spiciness. Too much, all I taste is the heat.

I love Thai food, but I can't afford to eat out much. It's fairly cheap, but it's still a stretch for me.

It's good stuff.

This is the most boring conversation we've ever had.

You haven't even said "fuck" yet. This is a record.

(laughs) Hey, fuck off, fuckin' motherfucker. Eat shit and vote Republican.

(laughs) What does that mean?

I don't know, but I don't mean it. I wouldn't wish voting Republican on anybody.


See you tomorrow?

I'll be here.

Sunday, April 25, 2010


Oh, man, do I feel fuckin' guilty or what?


I called in to take the day off as a personal day, because I was out tonight playing music with friends. And so I don't want to be all tired and grumpy at work...



You were out playing music with friends tonight?

Yeah, so?

Farmboy has a social life! Who would have thought?

(laughs) You're a jive-ass motherfuckin' sonuvabitch...

Oooh! How very 1972 of you!

Yeah, I have friends and we play music. I was talking about the guilt...

I don't care about the guilt. Do you have a personal day to take off?


So take it off. The people at work will survive. And that company you work for doesn't deserve your loyalty anyway.

You've been drinking, haven't you?

I'm just playing with you, farmboy. So, what about these friends?

They're the folks from the coffeehouse. We're doing a once-a-month songwriting critique, sort of. We have a potluck and play what we're working on.

Was it fun?

Yeah. It was fun. It was kinda awkward at times 'cause I don't really know some of the people. Which is good, actually. There was sushi. I love sushi. I want to learn how to make it.


Yeah. It would be fun to take sushi you've made yourself to someone's house, you know?

This is the most social I've seen you be in...I don't know if I've ever seen you this social, actually.

Man, it was just one time.

You were out Friday at the coffeehouse...

Yeah, I was. Okay, it's been a social weekend. I'm a fuckin' social butterfly or some other overused chiche.

And you liked it.

Yeah, but I'm exhausted afterwards. I'm such a fuckin' introvert it's pathetic. Being social just zaps the energy right out of me.

So you can rest tomorrow. It's your personal day. Personally, I think it's worth it if that means you get to be with your friends and play music; you know, songs you wrote.

Okay, okay, I get you. Sheesh.



You know what, farmboy?


I'm proud of you.

Proud of me?

Yeah. You're a good guy, farmboy. I like you.

(confused) What's this about? I don't get it.

You have friends. You have fun.

Yeah. So?

So I'm proud of you.



(quietly) You're a good guy too.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

It's out there and I'm grateful

I bought groceries today.

Was it fun?

It was good. I bought whole wheat bread, a chicken, spinach, lettuce, diet Pepsi -- 69 cents per 2 liter bottle. Other stuff, too. Plus I gassed up the car.

With money you earned from music.


You must be proud, farmboy.

I am if I let myself. I'm not good at letting myself think like that.

You're telling me...

I kinda just shrug it off. But I am proud. I just can't feel it.

But you're aware of it.

Yeah. I know it's out there and I'm grateful.

But you're not really feeling it.

I wish I could. But you can't force this stuff. I'm thinking maybe the first step is just being aware that you have reason to be proud. And for right now, that may be the best I can do.

Which is okay. It's a first step.

It'll be interesting when I finally fuckin' feel these things, you know, rather than just observing them.

And that day will come.

It fuckin' better, man. That's what I've got to say. But in the meantime -- hey, I'm aware that, uh, I am enjoying, uh, the fruits of my labor?

Something like that.

It's about fuckin' time.

Friday, April 23, 2010

My children, my art, my life

Oh, man, what a day. I'm so fuckin' glad it's over. Not that it was all bad, 'cause there were some really great things that happened...

Like what?

I got some weed, first off. Second, I played a show at the local coffeehouse -- I mean, it's like five scheduled acts and I was one of them. It's a half hour in front of a great listening audience at this really great location run by really great people.

Is this the place that you said was closing?

Yeah. Turns out they may not be closing. Which would be the best thing in the world as far as I'm concerned, for them to continue. Because this place is a legendary place. It deserves to live forever.

Tell me how you really feel, farmboy.

(laughs) Hey, fuck you, asswipe! I'm being serious here!

So you performed there...

Yeah. I was super anxious before the show. I was worrying about forgetting lyrics and being out of tune because I changed strings an hour before going to the coffeehouse.

But it went well. My guitar stayed in tube, and I only really forgot one line and I recovered okay. The audience liked it and I sold two CDs. The coffeehouse folks gave me $20 and I got $20 more from the CD sales. So I made $40 bucks!

Sounds like a good night.

Yeah, but there's this one thing that bugs me and that's that this friend of mine, another singer/songwriter, decided to give me this criticism about one of my new songs that I totally
disagree with.

So just disregard that criticism. Don't give it a second thought.

Oh, I know. But why does it bug me so much?

What do you think, farmboy?

Ummm...maybe being afraid that my friend was right, but I'm not sure that's it. Maybe it's a feeling like my song was attacked or something. Because I will protect my songs by any means possible. And I think it was like somebody was infringing on my...this is gonna sound pretentious as hell, but infringing on my children, my art, my life.

And you protected your song. Case closed.

What do I do now?

Move on, farmboy. Go do whatever you want to do. You know, you can listen to criticism, but that doesn't mean you have to follow it.

Yeah. I guess I want to be open to criticism because I want the songs to be as good as humanly possible. But I also reserve the right to reject criticism that I don't agree with.


But maybe I feel bad because I feel like this person felt she knew better about my songs than I do.

Maybe. You do have your pride, you know. You are not without an ego.

But I think you should just move on.

And do what?

Whatever you want.

I can eat supper now?

Sure. It's Friday night, you got weed, you bought some groceries, you can sleep in and you made some money. Just take it easy. You've been around people all day long --

All fuckin' day long.

Enjoy this solitude. You've earned it.

All right. (sings) Marijuana, here I come/Right back where I started from...

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Songwriting is paying for the food

Guess what I got in the mail today?

What did you get in the mail today, farmboy?

A royalty check!


Yeah! For the huge amount of $18.20! Which, when you have almost no money for food, is a pretty impressive sum.

Radio airplay?

No. It was from a singer who was in a duo and they recorded one of my songs a while back.


Yeah. Cool! So we need to do some brainstorming. So I'm going to spend it on some fuckin' groceries. Let's round it off to twenty dollars and make a grocery list.

Okay. What do you need, first of all?

Let's see what I have. I have rice, I have ground turkey, I have some shredded mozzarella cheese, I have eggs, I have milk, I have butter...

Pretty good.

Yeah, I'm getting better at having some food at the end of the month.

How about bread?

Yeah,, I should buy a loaf of good whole wheat bread. That's, like, $3.00.


Yeah. I can get a can at Trader Joe's for, like, $4.00.

Okay, there's seven dollars. Thirteen more to go.

Some frozen vegetables. Like a bag of red, green, and yellow peppers. That's, like, $2,00 at Trader Joe's. I can also buy a bag of spinach there.

Gotta eat those greens.

So that's...let's say it's $2.00 too. What's the total now?

Eleven dollars. Nine left.

Peanut butter. $2.00.

Seven left. Need any meat?

I've got ground turkey in the freezer. I could buy a chicken, but that's not a big deal. Let's look at some other stuff first. Hey, tortillas! Two bucks.

Five left...

A head of garlic, that's around fifty cents. I have a big ol' onion. Some bananas, $1.00. Half & half, that's like a dollar if I get a small one.

Two dollars and fifty cents...

Ummm...lemme think.

Top Ramen?

I don't know, man, I'm thinking about staying away from that kind of stuff, all that fuckin' sodium and shit.

But pasta...For around a buck I can get a package of pasta.

A dollar and fifty cents...

A bottle of diet Pepsi, but I don't usually buy it unless I can find it on sale for, like, a buck. So that and...a...doughnut!

Okay! That's pretty good. You got some fruits and vegetables...

Probably not enough. I do have some oranges and tangerines. I have some broccoli. I have canned tomatoes.

You can always change this list. You've got whole grains, tortillas...did you say if you have beans?

I've got a couple cans of refried beans. Maybe I should have added soy chorizo. That's two bucks. I'll have to see if I want it badly enough to take something else off the list.

This sounds like a good starting point. So I want you to do one thing.

What's that?

At times when you're buying, cooking, and eating these things, I want you to think about how your songwriting is paying for it. Because when you can't afford food, you appreciate it a whole lot more. This food is being paid for by your music. I want you to think about that.


I'm serious, farmboy. This is important. This isn't just money. It's songwriting money. It's money from your art.

I'll think about that.


You don't trust me?

(Ignoring what was said) Promise?

Okay, okay, jeez, I promise. I will think about how my songwriting is paying for the food I'll eat this coming week.



Any more words of wisdom, oh great interviewer?

Yeah. Enjoy that doughnut, farmboy.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

You gotta believe in me

So today I am using you as an anti-anxiety agent.

Say what?

I am anxious, and I don't want to take any medication.

Why not?

'Cause I'm running out.

But you don't use a lot.

Okay. (takes a pill)

Why are you anxious?

Because of money. I did some research about consolidating credit card debt and it freaked me out and I started thinking about how I can't make it already, and then everything seemed hopeless, I mean, with the recession and with all my anger at the government and the fuckin' greed in the world and -- fuck, I'm just fuckin' pissed!

And, worse, I don't know what to do about anything.

Well, you can start by being a musician. Which, of course, you already are. But more than anything, it's your craft, it's your skill. You just have to learn and do the business part.

Easier said than done.

What else could you do? File bankruptcy?

It's not that bad yet, I don't think. What I have is credit card debt.

Okay, what can you do?

I've cut down on marijuana. I quit smoking over a year ago, thank God. Tobacco, that is. Marijuana is really my only vice. If I could make an extra hundred dollars a month right now, I could make it. I'd like to make three hundred dollars from music a month. With $100 I could up my weekly allowance -- that's food and gasoline and everything else after all the bills are paid. That's rent, utilities, insurance, that kind of stuff.

With $200 I could pay an extra $100 on my credit card debt.

With $300 I could save $100 a month. I could have a savings account! I could have an emergency fund. Right now if my truck breaks down, I'm fucked.

So work on that. Start with the $100 as a goal, then move up to $200. Then $300. You can find the gigs. You can do it.


You know, all that stuff you've talked about? Church gigs, kids' gigs, making a guitar-and-voice CD, performing your own songs. Be creative about business. You know how to be creative.

If you don't mind me asking, how large is your debt?

Man, I hate to tell you...

Over $20,000?


Over $15,000?


Between $10,000 and $15,000?


Is your truck paid off?


You don't have a house...

Listen, take away the credit card debt, and I live fairly simply. Like $1000 a month or something. Maybe $1100 a month.

Including marijuana?


That's not a whole lot.

I'm off during the summer. I've tried to get hired for summer school, with no luck. What I'd really like to do is space out my paychecks to 12 months, but so far I haven't been able to afford to.

With music you might be able to.

Yeah. I've got to figure out a way.

You can. I believe you will.

I'm glad you do, 'cause I have all sorts of doubts.

You have all sorts of fear.


Right now you're in a state of panic.

Yeah. But the pill is beginning to kick in. I just hope I don't use them all.

How many do you use?

One or two a month, at the most.

Talk to your doctor about it. He should be able to help you. When do you see him next?

Next month.

Ask him.

I will.

Take a deep breath, farmboy. More than one, actually. It will all be all right.

You think so?

I know so. You're a smart guy.



Man, I hope you're right.

I am. I believe that.

I wish I could.

Oh, you do. You believe it, deep down.

I hope so.

Be calm, farmboy. You're going to be okay.


Take a deep breath. You've got to try not to panic. When you panic, it doesn't help anything.

I know.

You'll be okay, farmboy.

I'm gonna trust you on this, man. I'm gonna need your help. You gotta believe in me when I can't believe in myself.

I can do that.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Have yourself a merry little 420

Happy 420!

It would be a lot happier if I was high right now.

You're not?

Fuck no! I can't afford to fuckin' buy any fuckin' weed!

So you have no marijuana?

Oh. no, I do, but it's not very much and I'm trying to save some for the weekend. But my life would be so much happier now if I had some that I felt okay about smoking.

Let's change the subject.

Well, Let's talk a little bit more about this marijuana use of yours. What's the main advantage?

It gives me something to look forward to in my otherwise unfortunately miserable existence. Look, I don't drive on it, I never work at my day job while stoned, I spend more on fuckin' car insurance each month than I do on pot. I play guitar more, I sing more, I exercise more. And it's fun.

And the disadvantages?

It costs money and I have problems with food. Overeating. But, fuck, I overeat when I'm not stoned.

Do you think it's enriched your life?

Of course it has. No question. I should have smoked weed in high school. It would have maybe even redeemed that experience.

So are you depressed about...

Again with the depression stuff! You asked me that the other night.

Well, you are depressed quite a bit, farmboy...

I've always been depressed a lot. Hence the, let's see, Effexor and Bupropian and Clonazepam. That's the current stuff. There's been a lot of anti-depressant and anti-anxiety drugs in my life. I never found an antidepressant that was worth a shit until Prozac. That was great. It lifted that dark cloud up. Man, it was a fuckin' life saver, and I don't mean the candy.

Man, in a just world I would get medical marijuana so I could get some help with this chronic anxiety and panic and depression that I go through. But it ain't a just world.

Now can we change the fuckin' subject?

Sure. To what? Life? Art? Politics?


Man, I wish I liked sports. But I don't.


I haven't seen a movie in a long time. But I love movies.

What was the last movie you saw?

The last movie I went to a theater to see was The Hurt Locker. Which I loved. I saw that in December.

How about food?

No real money for food. Tonight it's meatless burritos. I've got some soy chorizo and beans and tortillas. I'm not feeling sorry for myself for not having meat tonight, by the way. I'm not one of those people who has to have meat in every meal.

So it's going to be a sad 420. No weed and no meat.

Well...I probably will break down and smoke a little, but not till later. And that's because it's 420, which is not a big deal for me, but...fuck, I just want to smoke a little and I'm waiting till later...

You don't have to justify it to me.

I'm glad. 'Cause it seems like I'm always having to justify everything I do to this little voice within which is convinced that I don't deserve anything.

I wonder how much you do and don't do because of that voice.

Oh, man, you have no idea.

I think I do.

But you don't. I'm serious about that, you have no idea.

I'll take your word for it. I'd like to discuss that some time.

We can do that at a later time if you don't mind waiting. I hope you'll excuse me. I'm going to go eat some peanut butter and then lay down and rest and listen to a podcast or something.

Well, have yourself a merry little 420, farmboy.

I will, but not until later. First peanut butter and protein. Then rest. Then a couple hours before bed I'll smoke a little bit.

Have a good time. I'm serious.

Hey, hey, moderation and all that shit. But, all in all, I'd much rather be baked right now.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

I should be in bed right now

Not much to report today. I had a pretty lazy Sunday, now on to the fuckin' work week.

What do you think about that?

Oh, fuck, it's Monday and Mondays I try to ignore my negativity.

That can be good.

It's necessary.

Are you depressed, farmboy?

Kind of. I ate too much, so I'm uncomfortable plus I feel guilty plus I feel bad about myself. I should be in bed right now, but I'm not. But I'll be in bed soon.

Time is moving way too fast. It scares me.

I think that probably scares everybody. Why does it scare you?

Oh, it's that pesky mortality thing, you know.

Yeah, that's what seems to scare everybody. Or, rather, most people.

I don't want to get into it tonight. Not the day before I go back to work.

I don't blame you.

I'm going to go brush my teeth, then I'll probably go to bed soon.

Well, farmboy, you have a good night. Sleep well, my friend.

You too, pal.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I would be your mirror

I've done it. I've hit the wall. I've said it all, all that I had to say. Now I would just be boring myself as well as you and I ain't so patient as you.

What are you talking about?

I don't know what to say.

So talk to me when you do. And that will be soon.

But I like talking with you. I'd ask you a bunch of questions, but you don't allow that. You get all huffed up about being the interviewer. I mean, I got a lot of questions to ask you. All I know about you is that you're the interviewer, I should trust you, and I should take this opportunity to get to talk to you. You're not a parent or a preacher or a priest or a shrink. Oh, and you are amazingly supportive and I'd like to consider you a friend.

Now that you can do.

And I am appreciative of that fun fact. But, I mean, if somehow you had to talk, what would you talk about?

What would I talk about? You.


Yes, you.

I would talk about what I've observed and what you've told me. I'd go into your personality. To paraphrase the Velvet Underground, farmboy, I would be your mirror.

Velvet Underground. Cool.

I thought you'd like that. Let start with...

Wait! I'm not so sure I want to hear this.

It's all good and I'm going to try not to judge you. And you know that I would tell you these things as they naturally come up. Like little reports on how you are doing, really.

Okay. Tell me something.

You are a good person. You have a certain moral code and you stick to it very well. You can be funny and smart. I'll tell you what you're like at your happiest. It's like you get younger than you are...

Yeah, 'cause I'm not young...

But it's like you're a teenager or something. Or maybe even younger than that. You become excited and funny and playful, even. It would make people want to muss up your hair and pull your baseball cap down.

I don't even wear a baseball cap!

I'm speaking figuratively. Even though people would want to muss up your hair and pull your baseball cap down. At those moments, you're everybody's little brother. You have no idea how likable you are when you're in those moods.

Only problem is, I'm not in those moods very often.

No, you're not. But that's going to change, I can tell you that. That's part of why I'm here.

This is so confusing...

Which is why I'm telling you about yourself a little at a time.

Oh, I think that's a good idea. 'Cause I don't think I could take the whole fuckin' thing at once,you know?

I know, farmboy. But also, I don't know it all by any means. That why the talking is important. I need to learn about you, and, more importantly, you need to learn about you. Because I'm not really telling you anything you don't already know...

Oh, I'm not sure I agree with that.

Well, okay. I'm telling my perspective. It's important you remember that.

Okay. So tell me something else.

Nope. That's it, pal.

(sighs) I should have know this would happen.

Oh, there's lots more to come, farmboy.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Friday, April 16, 2010


So I've calmed down a bit.

Good. That's what you need to do. How do you feel?

I'm fuckin' exhausted, y'know? I don't like to talk about work, but I'll just say that today was a hard day. A physically hard day, I mean -- the day was good but I was beat at the end of it.

Also, I really need to take better care of myself. I, like, go through the whole day without eating hardly anything and drinking hardly anything. Then I come home and I'm tired and I get stoned and I want to eat everything in the refrigerator. That's really really not good.

I did eat this bean and barley soup I made Monday. I put peppers and chicken and cabbage and carrots in it and it was so fuckin' good, you wouldn't believe it. I finished it today.

I figured you'd be exhausted after all the emotional stuff. You had a pretty intense time for a while there, farmboy. Do you want to talk about it or leave it alone for a while?

I think leave it alone for a little while. I think right now is the time that I need to focus on music and how I'm going to support myself over the summer and taking care of myself physically, you know?

Sounds good.

I also want to work on writing songs. It's been going really well lately. I love it when it's going good, creativity-speaking.

Take advantage of it.

Yeah. Been listening to the new LCD Soundsystem. Been streaming it from their website. Also, this album All Hail West Texas from the Mountain Goats, which is pretty great. John Darnielle with just his guitar, I think. I love the way he plays guitar on this record. It's, like, he's playing rock 'n roll as if he's in a band but he's not in a band. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense here, but I should study John Darnielle's guitar playing on this record.

You sound good. Back to the old farmboy I know -- in a way. It's like you're looking forward to being the new farmboy.

Does this mean I have to be farm-man?

(laughs) No, you'll always be farmboy.