Have yourself a merry little 420

Happy 420!

It would be a lot happier if I was high right now.

You're not?

Fuck no! I can't afford to fuckin' buy any fuckin' weed!

So you have no marijuana?

Oh. no, I do, but it's not very much and I'm trying to save some for the weekend. But my life would be so much happier now if I had some that I felt okay about smoking.

Let's change the subject.

Well, actually...no. Let's talk a little bit more about this marijuana use of yours. What's the main advantage?

It gives me something to look forward to in my otherwise unfortunately miserable existence. Look, I don't drive on it, I never work at my day job while stoned, I spend more on fuckin' car insurance each month than I do on pot. I play guitar more, I sing more, I exercise more. And it's fun.

And the disadvantages?

It costs money and I have problems with food. Overeating. But, fuck, I overeat when I'm not stoned.

Do you think it's enriched your life?

Of course it has. No question. I should have smoked weed in high school. It would have maybe even redeemed that experience.

So are you depressed about...

Again with the depression stuff! You asked me that the other night.

Well, you are depressed quite a bit, farmboy...

I've always been depressed a lot. Hence the, let's see, Effexor and Bupropian and Clonazepam. That's the current stuff. There's been a lot of anti-depressant and anti-anxiety drugs in my life. I never found an antidepressant that was worth a shit until Prozac. That was great. It lifted that dark cloud up. Man, it was a fuckin' life saver, and I don't mean the candy.

Man, in a just world I would get medical marijuana so I could get some help with this chronic anxiety and panic and depression that I go through. But it ain't a just world.

Now can we change the fuckin' subject?

Sure. To what?

Ummm...music? Life? Art? Politics?

Sports?

Man, I wish I liked sports. But I don't.

Movies?

I haven't seen a movie in a long time. But I love movies.

What was the last movie you saw?

The last movie I went to a theater to see was The Hurt Locker. Which I loved. I saw that in December.

How about food?

No real money for food. Tonight it's meatless burritos. I've got some soy chorizo and beans and tortillas. I'm not feeling sorry for myself for not having meat tonight, by the way. I'm not one of those people who has to have meat in every meal.

So it's going to be a sad 420. No weed and no meat.

Well...I probably will break down and smoke a little, but not till later. And that's because it's 420, which is not a big deal for me, but...fuck, I just want to smoke a little and I'm waiting till later...

You don't have to justify it to me.

I'm glad. 'Cause it seems like I'm always having to justify everything I do to this little voice within which is convinced that I don't deserve anything.

I wonder how much you do and don't do because of that voice.

Oh, man, you have no idea.

I think I do.

But you don't. I'm serious about that, you have no idea.

I'll take your word for it. I'd like to discuss that some time.

We can do that at a later time if you don't mind waiting. I hope you'll excuse me. I'm going to go eat some peanut butter and then lay down and rest and listen to a podcast or something.

Well, have yourself a merry little 420, farmboy.

I will, but not until later. First peanut butter and protein. Then rest. Then a couple hours before bed I'll smoke a little bit.

Have a good time. I'm serious.

Hey, hey, moderation and all that shit. But, all in all, I'd much rather be baked right now.