You gotta believe in me

So today I am using you as an anti-anxiety agent.

Say what?

I am anxious, and I don't want to take any medication.

Why not?

'Cause I'm running out.

But you don't use a lot.

Okay. (takes a pill)

Why are you anxious?

Because of money. I did some research about consolidating credit card debt and it freaked me out and I started thinking about how I can't make it already, and then everything seemed hopeless, I mean, with the recession and with all my anger at the government and the fuckin' greed in the world and -- fuck, I'm just fuckin' pissed!

And, worse, I don't know what to do about anything.

Well, you can start by being a musician. Which, of course, you already are. But more than anything, it's your craft, it's your skill. You just have to learn and do the business part.

Easier said than done.

What else could you do? File bankruptcy?

It's not that bad yet, I don't think. What I have is credit card debt.

Okay, what can you do?

I've cut down on marijuana. I quit smoking over a year ago, thank God. Tobacco, that is. Marijuana is really my only vice. If I could make an extra hundred dollars a month right now, I could make it. I'd like to make three hundred dollars from music a month. With $100 I could up my weekly allowance -- that's food and gasoline and everything else after all the bills are paid. That's rent, utilities, insurance, that kind of stuff.

With $200 I could pay an extra $100 on my credit card debt.

With $300 I could save $100 a month. I could have a savings account! I could have an emergency fund. Right now if my truck breaks down, I'm fucked.

So work on that. Start with the $100 as a goal, then move up to $200. Then $300. You can find the gigs. You can do it.

How?

You know, all that stuff you've talked about? Church gigs, kids' gigs, making a guitar-and-voice CD, performing your own songs. Be creative about business. You know how to be creative.

If you don't mind me asking, how large is your debt?

Man, I hate to tell you...

Over $20,000?

No.

Over $15,000?

No.

Between $10,000 and $15,000?

Yes.

Is your truck paid off?

Yes.

You don't have a house...

Listen, take away the credit card debt, and I live fairly simply. Like $1000 a month or something. Maybe $1100 a month.

Including marijuana?

Yep.

That's not a whole lot.

I'm off during the summer. I've tried to get hired for summer school, with no luck. What I'd really like to do is space out my paychecks to 12 months, but so far I haven't been able to afford to.

With music you might be able to.

Yeah. I've got to figure out a way.

You can. I believe you will.

I'm glad you do, 'cause I have all sorts of doubts.

You have all sorts of fear.

Yeah.

Right now you're in a state of panic.

Yeah. But the pill is beginning to kick in. I just hope I don't use them all.

How many do you use?

One or two a month, at the most.

Talk to your doctor about it. He should be able to help you. When do you see him next?

Next month.

Ask him.

I will.

Take a deep breath, farmboy. More than one, actually. It will all be all right.

You think so?

I know so. You're a smart guy.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Man, I hope you're right.

I am. I believe that.

I wish I could.

Oh, you do. You believe it, deep down.

I hope so.

Be calm, farmboy. You're going to be okay.

Man...

Take a deep breath. You've got to try not to panic. When you panic, it doesn't help anything.

I know.

You'll be okay, farmboy.

I'm gonna trust you on this, man. I'm gonna need your help. You gotta believe in me when I can't believe in myself.

I can do that.