they don't know my dreams

they see me as an old man

a man of simple means

they think they know who I am

but they don't know my dreams

for me to see

the sky is filled with silver

and the grayness of the rain

sadness comes in like clouds

as it strikes me once again

I take my medications

I meditate and exercise

but sadness breathes inside of me

telling all its lies

          I whisper "won't you go away"

          but all it ever does is stay

          leaving me another day

          of loneliness and misery

          there it is in front of me

          only for me to see

believe my eyes

another assignment that needs to be done

another argument that must be won

sometimes I see the setting sun

and see another day ending

I had potential

I had a purpose

I had wisdom underneath the surface

but life is just another circus

where you spent your time pretending

          and the world keeps turning

          but I'm still not learning

          what it means to be alive

          I look at this planet

          and the terror within in

          and I can't believe my eyes

day off

I don't want to do anything

that needs to be done

I just want to mess around

boys just want to have fun

I don't care if the bedroom is vacuumed

I don't care if the kitchen's a mess

all I know is that doing the work

is enough to make me depressed

so I am taking the day off

where working, for me, is unknown

I am taking the day off

I am staying home

news on the TV

there is news on the TV

and I must pay attention

the world's full of atrocities

too many to mention

it's beyond my comprehension

there is news on the TV

and I must listen to what they say

it's all there in front of me

maybe I'll take off today

no, I'm gonna watch anyway

          help me out

          be a pal

          I believe I've had enough

          I just need to find a way

          to turn the damn thing off

there is news on the TV

and it's got me in its spell

it just won't let me

I watch the world go to hell

but I can't help myself

the lives of innocent people

the lives of innocent people

taken down from your war machine

will always remember you

wherever they may be

in other countries far from home

or wherever they end up alone

or whether they go on to be

another statistic for the world to see

you will pay for what you've done

your war will be never be won

lie if you have to

take me in your arms

tell me that you love me

lie if you have to

it's all right

tell me that it's real

I know that it must be

lie if you have to

get me through the night

give me a little hope

tell me I'm not stupid

lie if you have to

I need to be okay

it is all my fault

it's nothing that you did

lie if you have to

please don't go away

crossing my fingers

I'm through with crossing my fingers

walking over cracks

I'm moving on

and I'm not looking back

my mind is fighting

it's under attack

it's not common sense

it's courage I lack

I'm tired of maybe and never-mind

it's not what I'm looking to find

bad luck will not

be knocking on my door

not like it used to

a lifetime before

I've had my fill

I don't need any more

I've got me a key

I'm unlocking the door

I'm tired of stories without any end

would it be so hard to call me a friend?

sad sack

nothing to do today

so I guess I'll think about you

and feel sorry for myself

I don't know what else to do

it's just the way I feel

I don't know my way back

I'm just a sad sack

I've had my good times

now they've come to an end

plans for the future

are never my friend

I need some sympathy

for the love that I lack

guess I'm a sad sack

          nowhere to run to

          nowhere to hide

          I've locked myself in

          and I'm staying inside

I don't need answers

I just want attention

and on that note

have I bothered to mention

my inner demons

are primed to attack

guess I'm a sad sack

I'm just a sad sack

to love you again

you don't have to believe me

when I tell you I love you

I just do

it's true

I can't help myself

and you don't have to ignore me

when I'm right in front of you

I'll do

whatever you want me to

I don't need anyone else

    

          come to my front door

          feel free to come on in

          I don't need any excuse

          to love you again

do you ever miss me

do you ever miss me

the way that I miss you

do you remember

the things we used to do

like walking in the evening

below a starry sky

now all that's left

is a lingering question why

do you ever miss the way

I used to make you laugh

riding with the top pulled down

for your own behalf

now I'm stuck in sorrow

I hang my head in shame

I know it's not your fault and

I'm the one to blame

website

I should have never seen your website

I should have never googled your name

through with waiting

I'm through with waiting

I've been on hold all morning

nobody's picking up

I should have had a warning

I'd be wasting my whole day

sitting here alone

getting carpel tunnel

while holding a telephone

I'm through with waiting

I don't seem to be receiving

I don't see any hope

I'm tired of believing

that anything will happen

I know it will be wrong

that's what happens when you're waiting

for far too long

where we had begun (rewrite 3)

my feet stand firmly

on this cold hard ground

it feels so strange

not having you around

time was endless

when we were young

I wish we could go back 

to where we had begun

I see your family

in the front row

people are gathered

all the friends you know

I say my goodbye

I hope you had fun

I wish we could go back 

to where we had begun

          I remember you

          from so very long ago

          tethered to

          your transistor radio

my heart is filled with sorrow

I think of way back then

I listen to the preacher

and I whisper amen

a handful of dirt

and the setting of the sun

I wish we could go back 

to where we had begun

I wish I knew

I wish I knew

how to fall out of love

it would save me so much time

and trouble

I'd feel right at home

with the fact of being alone

I don't have to be

half of a couple

I would have more money

I'd recapture my youth

I'd look straight ahead

at the cold, hard truth

instead of you

I wish I knew

I wish I knew

how to be alone

instead I'm just

another stranger

who doesn't know his name

but knows that he's to blame

for being a coward

in the face of danger

I could be content

with nobody around

I wouldn't be looking

for love to be found

it's true

I wish I knew

not a quitter

sneakers hanging from a telephone wire

sister's singing with the children's choir

mom and dad are safe at home

oh, why did I choose to roam

life is harsh but death is mean

it's its very own machine

I turn it off, but it comes back on

depends what ground you're upon

          make me crazy, make me sane

          I know I'm not the one to blame

          make me angry, make me bitter

          I just know I'm not a quitter

          

I am waiting

I am waiting

I don't know what for

it's not like good news

ever knocks upon my door

it's not like true love

or sweet fate comes to visit

if they did, I would simply ask

who is it?

I am waiting 

for you to notice me

I'm right in front of you

perhaps you don't see

I've got my arms wide open

a smile of my face

but when you look at me

I feel erased

when the sun rises

when the sun rises

I'm still in bed

I can't get up

so I stay here instead

and curse the day

and remember last night

when everything

was working out right

I had hours to rest

perchance to dream

I know exactly

what exhaustion means

and I'm exhausted 

every day

which is why I cheer

when daylight goes away

put me in my bed

sing me to sleep

tell me a story

my rest will be deep

and I will dream

in sleep I'll pretend

until I wake up

and do it all over again

I wish I had your money

I wish I had your money

the things I would do

I'd buy all the diamond rings

and mail them off to you

and maybe that would prove my love

and maybe it won't

say the words you want to say

every word but don't

bad mood

I'm ignoring the sunshine

I'm not looking at the great outdoors

no bird watching for me

I've seen it all before

butterflies and caterpillars

frogs and dogs and cats

it takes more than mother nature

to make me look at that

          I'm in a bad mood

          my minds under assault

          I'm in a bad mood

          and I know it's all my fault

          I don't mean to be impatient

          unlikable and rude

          I'm in a bad mood

job interview

I got an early 

start today

cup of coffee 

then on my way

out the door

there is more

that will happen

park the car

through the gate

walk faster

don't be late

you'll be fine

with shoes shined

and toes a-tappin'

          job interview

          don't be stressed

          life will put you

          to the test

          ain't no time

          to be depressed

          it's true

          you're on a job interview

other shoe

I am waiting

for the other shoe to drop

I know it's time

and I can't make it stop

something must go wrong

I'm making out a list

there's got to be a fuck-up

'cause that's the way it always is

I am ready

I have my strategies in hand

I know the drill

but it's more than I can stand

something must go wrong

that's the way it is, I know

the only reason I know this

is that my history tells me so

so I am waiting

for the storm to pass through

until then

I've done all that I can do

something must go wrong

fear is like a second cousin

something must go wrong

what happens if it doesn't?

so much for praying

Jesus can you hear me

Jesus do you care

I look for you always

but I don't see you anywhere

Jesus can you help me

Jesus are you there

why don't you hear me

Jesus I am scared

I don't want to give up hope

I don't want to disbelieve

but Jesus I need you now

now is my time of need

          times like these I find myself

          with my faith decaying

          I don't want to tell myself

          so much for praying

Jesus are you listening

Jesus where are you now

I want so bad to believe

but I don't know how

Jesus where are you now

Jesus I feel alone

please don't desert me

I can't make it on my own

I need to have you in my life

I'm desperate as you can see

nothing is working anymore

please don't ignore me

          times like these I find myself

          without words worth saying

          I don't want to tell myself

          so much for praying

where we had begun (rewrite 2)

my feet stand firmly

on this cold hard ground

it feels so strange

not having you around

the days seemed endless

when we were young

I wish we could go back 

to where we had begun

I see your family

in the front row

times like these

they always go so slow

I say my goodbye

didn't we have fun

I wish we could go back 

to where we had begun

I remember years ago

when we were just kids

I look back

on all the mischief that we did

I always thought we'd both be here

like laughter on our tongues

I wish we could go back 

to where we had begun

I hang my head in sorrow

I think of way back then

I listen to the priest

and I whisper amen

a handful of dirt

and my day will be done

I wish we could go back 

to where we had begun

meant for me

something happened the other day

somehow my blues just slipped away

and for one sweet moment I could see

the sun was shining clear and bright

and before day turned into night

I knew it was meant for me

joy seeped into my poor heart

instead of tearing me apart

and I knew that this is supposed to be

I didn't know just what to do

until I turned and looked at you

and I knew it was meant for me

          the moment that I saw you

          I knew you had arrived

          now I know how it feels

          to be truly alive

love is not an empty promise

if it's true and deeply honest

devoid of pain and misery

I used to live in doubt and fear

until the moment you appeared

and I knew it was meant for me

walk

I saw the sunlight pouring through the trees

in a stream so wide

pioneers could not have crossed it

I saw trees and flowers and bushes

confirming the toll of winter,

leaves long gone

I saw people strolling,

wearing masks in case someone walks by

sometimes there are dogs

big dogs, friendly

at the end of a leash.

still, they seem happy

and then there is me

huffing and puffing

as I roll down streets

me and my walker

out to see the world

somebody's floor

I need to sleep on somebody's floor

I can't be at home anymore

I don't need a sofa and beds make me sore

I need to sleep on somebody's floor

I tried being quiet

I tried being quiet

but it just wouldn't work

every word I said

made me sound like a jerk

my mind is screaming

and broken in two

I didn't know what to do

so I didn't say nothing

I did what I was told

I need to learn to be silent

before I get too old

see all that's around me

through these tired eyes

you never know what'll happen

maybe I'll be surprised

closing time

it's a world that keeps on turning

in the shadows of my mind

I can feel the fires burning

in the thoughts I've left behind

memories keep coming

and you know they're coming fast

I can feel my senses numbing

but that's not going to last

          take me

          shake me

          show me that I'm here

          take me

          reawaken me

          closing time is near

screens

all day long I'm on the internet

my cellular phone

my TV set

I don't remember

I forget

how it feels to live

in a world without computer screens

a world with other

human beings

I don't remember

what it means

to share this planet with

people who don't share my views

it's there for anyone to choose

please forgive me 

if I snooze

this thinking makes me tired

so I am here, looking for you

I have no idea

what to do

I thought I thought

everything through

but it ends up uninspired

do you ever think of me

do you ever think of me

in times of trouble

in times of need

when the past is bright enough to see

do you ever think of me

am I ever in your mind

or am I just someone

that you have left behind

when your dreams cross the finish line

am I ever in your mind

          or have I left completely

          no longer tethered to your voice

          did I disappear away

          was that your only choice

am I ever in your heart

I wouldn't expect that 

to be true

you know my world was torn apart

am I ever in your heart