starbucks

just turn 
at the starbucks on the corner
which corner?
doesn't matter
which starbucks?
any one

equilibrium 2

you wreck my balance
I'm falling over
into the grand canyon
of desire
you've got your talents
no law and order
I must abandon 
walking on this wire

I got a neon sign in my head
saying danger baby
you'd be better off dead

          equilibrium
          you wreck my 
          you wreck my
          my equilibrium
          I'm gonna tumble tumble
          equilibrium
          you wreck my
          you wreck my
          my equilibrium
          I'm gonna tumble tumble

I am not grounded
there is no center
the world is shaking
beyond my control
I am surrounded
by signs: do not enter
all this earthquaking
gonna swallow me whole

I got a neon sign in my brain
saying danger baby
ain't no home on the range

          equilibrium
          you wreck my 
          you wreck my
          my equilibrium
          I'm gonna tumble tumble
          equilibrium
          you wreck my
          you wreck my
          my equilibrium
          I'm gonna tumble tumble

Evened-out

Tell me about Yakima, farmboy. Did you have a good time?

Yeah, it was…good, but I had this one main thing go wrong. Which was the container I have my meds in fell out of my suitcase somewhere. Anyway, I didn't have it and I know I packed it.

So those meds include my antidepressants. So essentially I was kinda in detox mode after a day or so.

Oh no! I'm sorry to hear that, farmboy. How are you now?

I'm evened-out. But, let me tell you, it's a good thing I came home when I did. It would have been bad if I had stayed there another one or two days.

I'm glad you're back.

Me too, man. It's a fuckin' shame when you spend the holiday season with emotional things happening that you don't fuckin' understand.

Other than that stuff, Yakima was fine. I liked all the open space and Mexican restaurants. It was great to see my brother and his wife and child. All in all, it was a good Christmas.

And you?

It was pretty low-key, which is the way I like it.

Yeah, really, ours was too. Which I like as well. You know, the yearly tradition of the Christmas nap.

everything but the truth

you got excuses
you need to believe
you got something sinister
up your sleeve
you got everything, babe
yeah, you got everything
everything but the truth

you got your reasons
honey, I got mine
it's a shame that your heart
was fueled on turpentine
you got everything, darlin'
yeah, you got it all
everything but the truth

equilibrium

you wreck my balance
I'm falling over
into a canyon
of unwanted dreams
you've got your talents
your law and order
I must abandon 
all my practiced schemes

I got a neon sign in my head
saying danger baby
you'd be better off dead

equilibrium
you wreck my 
you wreck my
my equilibrium
I'm gonna tumble tumble
equilibrium
you wreck my
you wreck my
my equilibrium
I'm gonna tumble tumble

back from Yakima

Hey, man, just writing to let you know that I'm home, back from Yakima. I'm glad I went but I'm so fuckin' tired right now, it isn't funny. So I hope you had a merry, merry Christmas and I'll catch you later.

yr pl frmby

Christmas haiku

no more history
where it is unneeded
I will be here today

Christmas eve

Hey, man, hope you're doing okay. I'm here in Yakima and it's Christmas eve and all is going fine. Merry Christmas and I'll talk at you later. I'm typing this on a Kindle Fire and I've never done this before. It's tedious as all hell. Anyway, I'll check in tomorrow.            

Yakima!

Hey man --

Just thought I'd write you a note. I'm going to my brother's place for Christmas. That's right, Yakima! The center of the fuckin' universe as we know it! Anyway, I'll try to contact you when I'm there, but in case I can't, have a Merry Christmas and I;ll see you when I get back on Friday.

your favorite songwriter
farmboy

sense of balance

could you help me up?
would you give me your hand?
would you do your best
to understand
exactly where I'm coming from
I'm regaining my sense of balance
and I'm on step number one

evidence 2

footsteps above my ceiling
radio across the hall
voices from another apartment
grade schoolers with a basketball
evidence of human life
I'm wishing I could be like them
I know I've got the right to enter
but I won't let myself in

buses pick up strangers
I drive a car alone
I don't know my neighbors
there's nobody at home
evidence of human life
statistics in a science book
I know there's a place for me
but I'm afraid to look

I'll be safe
I'll be well
in this self-made
prison cell
there is nothing 
that anyone can tell me

beginning of pop song

I been hesitating
anticipating
crying and waiting 
for you

evidence

footsteps above my ceiling
drums from down the hall
voices from another apartment
grade schoolers with a basketball
evidence of human life
I'm wishing I could be like them
I know I've got the right to enter
but I won't let myself in

I'm on a sabbatical

So, as of today, I am car-free.

Carefree? It's good to see you being happy, farmboy.

No, you idiot. Car-free.  I sold my truck and I am now without a vehicle. I don't know for how long, but I've been carpooling and riding the bus for a month and a half now and it's okay. Really, it's okay. I think that it'll be healthier and I'll see how it goes financially.

Do you think you've quit driving for good?

Oh, fuck no. I'm on a sabbatical from being a car owner for a while. I'm sure I'll get another car someday. 

What about the finances?

I think it'll be cheaper than driving. But, as you know, driving is fuckin' expensive as all hell.

Well, farmboy, good luck in this new endeavor. I think this may be good for you, physically and financially. Maybe I'll try it myself.

If I were you, I'd wait to see how I do first.

cocoa

I am waiting
for hot cocoa to appear
magically 
from the water in the kettle
meeting the powder
inside the white envelope
where the words are printed:

create the moment

to which I reply
I'm trying
I'm trying

The part of my job that's the fuckin' worst

Hey, man, how're you doing?

Not too shabby, farmboy. How's yourself?

I've been sick these last couple of days. Called in sick at work.

I did go in  yesterday. There's this student in our class,,,anyway, she stopped breathing and she was taken to the hospital. I'm leaving out a lot of details…

That's okay, farmboy. What happened?

She died. She passed away. The word "died" is so fuckin' heartless, you know?

So that's the part of my job that's the fuckin' worst. You just have to accept it, I know, but it takes a little time. I'm glad I went to work yesterday.

It was probably good for you.

Yeah.

I'm sorry for your loss, farmboy.

Thanks.

for Meghan

I thank you for your rhythm
I thank you for your smile
and I hope you're somewhere
where there is no pain
only the love
that heals everything

begun

oh my God
what have I done?
my life's almost over
and I've only just begun

case of the nasties

sweet little miss thing's
caught a case of the nasties
thinks she has potential
as a beauty queen
every night you can
see her dancing
with the high school seniors
in the mezzanine 

got her hiphuggers on
her socks, they're both knee-high
her own school spirit
and a sense of style
her tongue in his month
her hand on his levi's
she whispers do you want to make
your bad girl smile

sweet little miss thing's
caught a case of the nasties
she used to be
so wholesome and sweet
she thinks she looks
so high-toned and classy
while she walks through this campus
like a dog in heat

stupid computer game

stupid computer game
it keeps taking up 
all my time
all I know's that I'm
a prisoner of this
stupid computer game
I should be doing 
other things
there must be something happening
instead of this
stupid computer game

Pay attention

So I've been thinking that my life needs a little more focus to it. So I've decided to try a new thing: I'm going to listen to one song a day. I mean, really fuckin' listen to it. Pay attention. What do you think?

It doesn't matter what I think. What do you think?

I think I might want to try it. But, you know, if it doesn't feel good, I won't do it. But maybe I should just give it a try.

Wouldn't hurt. So what have you listened to today?

Um…I heard snippets of songs from some new guy. He was okay. It's not really my thing.

Yesterday, though, I listened to Louis Armstrong and his Hot Five, which was so fuckin' cool I can't even describe it. I mean, damn! So, so good. I'll be listening to that again, I tell you what..

This might be a good idea. Keep me posted. 

Yeah. Maybe I'll just send you a note from time to time, you know, like l/t Louis Armstrong and his Hot Five.

l/t?

Listened to. Or listening to. Or something like that.

I'll be the dog

I'll be the dog
that trusts you completely
I'll ever so sweetly
slobber on you
I'll lick your face
you can pet me all over
just call me rover
and I'll always be true

The songs I wrote along the way

You know, I don't ask for too much in my life…

(sarcastically)  That's an understatement…

Yeah? Well, fuck you.

As I was saying, I don't ask for too much in my life, but there's something that I need.

And what's that, farmboy?

A song. I need to write a song. I need to write a great fuckin' song, man. So I write and I write and I still don't have it. At this rate, all I'm gonna end up with are the songs I wrote along the way, you know?

And that's…bad?

Fuck, yeah. 'Cause I just want to write a great song…

Yes, you said that.

Just let me finish, fucknose. I just want to write a great song because…because…

Yes. farmboy?

Because I just need to do the best I possibly can. I have to. 

But you are writing the best songs you can write.

For now. 

I don't have a time machine, farmboy.

I know. I'm just being impatient. I hate feeling this way, 'cause it's the one guaranteed way to not write a great song.

So what happens now?

I guess I just keep writing and writing and writing...

slippers

put your feet in slippers
put your mind at rest
forget about the world outside
you have done your best
coat your throat in cocoa
draw a nice, long toke
life is but a dream when
it stops playing jokes

listen to the silence
like it's a symphony
you know, you keep yourself
pretty good company
treat yourself to dinner
at a fancy restaurant
life is but a dream when
it behaves the way you want

go make a tub of popcorn
put butter on it, too
find some crap on TV
and open up a brew
drink until the sun comes up
and the moon starts keeping score
life is but a dream when
it don't matter anymore

so put your feet in slippers
put your mind at rest
go and have your supper
like it's your last request
sip that strong, hot coffee
have a second cup
life is but a dream when
you're busy waking up

my chemical girl

my mama always said 
I was up to no good
I had all the ambition 
in west hollywood
I knew the talk 
from both sides of the aisle
I had the walk 
and the smartest of smiles
I mean, 
I was all right until I met her
since then 
I've only tried to forget her
but, oh, man
there ain't nothing better
in this mean old world
as my chemical girl
my chemical girl

I went off 2

I went off to find myself
'cause I thought that I was missing
found out what I really was
was lost  
I went off to free myself
to stop asking permission
somehow I would up paying
the cost
I went off to be a man
working hard to understand
constantly afraid of living soft
I went off
I went off

I went off

I went off to find myself
'cause I thought that I was missing
found out what I really was
was lost  

rising of the moon (second verse)

my eyes are burning
I can't believe what I'm seeing
is it a nightmare or a vision
or a dream coming true
if there's a purpose
to the secrets I'm revealing
let it unlock my heart
to the rising of the moon

rising of the moon

my mind is spinning
I can't get my eyes to focus
so I'll lay here on the sidewalk
and lick my mental wounds
I'm more than willing
to believe in hocus pocus
if it 'll cast my eyes to heaven
and the rising of the moon

Small momentary pleasures

So this is today, man. Just your regular, normal day full of frustrations and small momentary pleasures…

Such as?

You know, just the everyday stuff.

I just want to hear some specifics, farmboy.

Uh, like…like there's this coworker who just got back from spending Thanksgiving in Florida who brought in pastries this morning.

Okay. Quick, another.

What's your fuckin' problem, man?

I'm just curious.

Okay, um…I heard Joseph Spence play "Santa Claus is Coming to Town." I fuckin' love that. 

Another?

I got to play guitar at work.

And one more…

Let me think. How about the excellent hot coffee I had this morning?

Sounds like a good day, farmboy.

Yeah, well, you didn't hear the parts I left out.

monkey wrench

take me to home depot
point me to the clerk
I need to buy a monkey wrench
to gum up all the works

life's running much too smoothly
it's the same old boring song
I need to throw a monkey wrench
and make something go wrong

          this is what I am best at
          this is where I excel
          fucking everything up
          when everything's going so well

so log me on to amazon
go search ebay too
I need to get a monkey wrench
to do what I always do

It's a little spicy

I'm cold and depressed.

Why, farmboy?

Because it's winter and the temperature is near freezing.

And the depression?

My beautiful four-day Thanksgiving weekend is almost finished and I have to go back to my fuckin' job tomorrow.

But, you know, other than that it looks like it's all okay, unless I do something totally stupid and think about work. Which doesn't happen until tomorrow so I might as well enjoy what's left of the weekend, you know?

I know. It doesn't do any good to anticipate something you don't want to happen. And it's going to happen anyway.

Yeah. So tonight I'm just gonna stay at home and smoke some weed and eat this healthy soup I made.

What's in it?

Ground turkey, pinto beans, black beans, peppers, corn, tomatoes, California chili, curry, cumin, carrots. It's a little spicy.

Sounds good, farmboy. Cornbread?

No, unfortunately. But I've got tortilla chips.The good ones, the ones that are made locally.

Good food for a cold night.

Yep. And winter's not even here yet. Hell, fuckin' December's not even here yet.

delivery man

baby's waiting on a phone call
a knock upon the door
from the man that she needs
the one who doesn't keep score
baby shines like silver
you oughta see her walk
she don't draw no lines
when she talks that talk
baby understands
I'm the delivery man

when baby gets lonely
when baby gets the blues
she wears those fishnet stockings
blood-red high heel shoes
she's got a husband
but he's lost at sea
at least that's what
she tells me
it's news I heard first hand
I'm the delivery man

ain't this the life

the morning sun refuses to shine
and the clouds are taking over
you put your collar way up high
throw a poncho over your shoulders
you used to be so young
but every day you're feeling older 
you swear you're going to move to Hawaii
catch a plane and say a quick goodbye
free as the breeze off the ocean
cheap sandals and suntan lotion
ain't this the life

reinventing the wheel

here I am again
reinventing the wheel
do you know how it feels
to start over all the time
here I go once more
taking the long way home
exploring the great unknown
to find a place that's mine

stranger to me now (rewrite two)

I don't want to wrestle
with the past anymore
I'm going away
there's nothing to say 
I don't believe
I can last anymore
you're a stranger to me now

every dream
where my heart was at stake
is now in the past
dreams never last
I once dreamed of you
but now I'm awake
you're a stranger to me now

          everything
          falls to decay
          like a rock in the tide
          it crumbles away
          gold turns to silver
          silver turns into gray
          you are slowly
          disappearing

I don't like the man
that I once used to be 
I had no clue
when I was looking for you
there's a whole new somebody
waiting for me
you're a stranger to me now

you needed someone
to respond to your touch
one look from your eyes
could cut me to size
you were somebody
that I needed too much
but you're a stranger to me now

I don't need to wrestle
with a dead memory
I can tell you goodbye
with completely dry eyes
I don't even care
if you remember me
you're a stranger to me now
you're a stranger to me now

Answers why

Man, I'm so upset over this Michael Brown thing. You know, the young African-American man who was shot by this police officer? Well, the grand jury just let that guy -- the police officer -- off, scot-free. I'm so fuckin' disgusted. 

I agree. That's pretty terrible, farmboy. 

I mean, I just don't get it.

You and millions of other people, farmboy.

You know, you spend your whole life looking for answers why and you always come up empty.

It feels like that sometimes.

I don't know what to say, man.

I don't either.

I don't fuckin' know, man…

stranger to me now (new verse)

I don't like the man
that I once used to be 
I had no clue
when I was with you
there's a whole new person
inside of me
you're a stranger to me now

uh huh (here in the real world)

I been lying awake
in the middle of the night
convinced ain't nothing
gonna work out right, uh huh
I'm a victim of
circumstance
living by 
the seat of my pants, uh huh
no matter what 
I try to do
you're as far from me
as Timbuktu, uh huh
baby, look at me
be my friend
touch me every
now and then, uh huh
baby, I'll pay the price
for you there is no sacrifice
I don't want to live in fantasy
I want you to be my reality, girl
here in the real world

can't complain

standing on the platform
in the freezing rain
waiting for a ride
on a northbound rain
but I can't complain
I can't complain
I got nothing to explain 
I can't complain

gonna take a meeting
with the elevator man
he puts a dime bag
in my hand
I can't complain
I can't complain
I love my mary jane
I can't complain

I got a pretty honey
she's my sugar pie
I tell you, friend
my oh my
can't complain
I can't complain
I just put on some coltrane
I can't complain

my poor mind

my poor mind
how I abuse it
how I misuse it
I always confuse it
as sorry a friend
as you could hope to find
my poor mind

a stranger to me now (rewrite 1)

I don't want to wrestle
with the past anymore
I'm going away
there's nothing to say 
I don't believe
I can last anymore
you're a stranger to me now

every dream
where my heart was at stake
is now in the past
dreams never last
I once dreamed of you
but now I'm awake
you're a stranger to me now

          everything
          falls to decay
          yesterday
          crumbles away
          gold turns to silver
          fall into gray
          you are slowly
          disappearing

I don't want to wrestle
with a dead memory
I can tell you goodbye
with completely dry eyes
I don't even care
if you remember me
you're a stranger to me now
you're a stranger to me now

I would explode, I'm sure

How's everything going, farmboy? Has the world been treating you well?

In some ways yes, some ways no. I haven't been telling you much about the saga of my truck because I'm so fuckin' tired of thinking about it and talking about it. It can become your whole identity to some people, which I know sounds weird…

Not really. I had an illness for a while and it seemed like that was the only subject anybody would talk to me about. And it was the one subject I didn't want to talk about.

Yeah, that's it! I once had an accident -- I was walking and got hit by a car -- and the whole time I was laid up that was the only fuckin' thing that mattered to a lot of people. And, I mean, I can see why but, man, I fuckin' hated it. 

So let's talk about something else.

All right. So what's going right?

Ummmm…for once I'm okay financially. Not great, but I ain't hurting as much as I usually do. Music is going well. And I'm still reliving that great standing ovation I got last Friday. And also the reason I'm doing okay financially is because of music.

That should make you feel good, eh, farmboy?

Oh, yeah, it does. Really, I am so thankful that I'm a musician and a songwriter. Getting paid is just gravy, you know? The actual making and creating of music is always the main thing. 

You're a very fortunate fella in that respect.

You're telling me. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have music. I'd probably be a fuckin' serial killer or something. I would explode, I'm sure, because of the mass of all those feelings that get held in. 

Music is pretty wonderful in that respect, farmboy.

Hey, I think music is pretty wonderful in all respects, man. And I get to be part of it! Pretty fuckin' cool, huh?

all because of you

pounding my fists against the wall
it's all because of you
I am broken and wasted and feeling small
and it's all because of you
I am shaken and forsaken
each waking minute
'cause I live in a neighborhood
with you in it
you know it's true
what can I do?
it's all because of you

sorry everybody

I'm sorry
I'm sorry everybody
I didn't mean to take up space
I don't want
I don't want to upset you
I know I can be replaced
but I have
a need to say something
I'm giving up the chase
I'm leaving
I'm pulling out
of the sorry human race

I'm sorry
I'm sorry everybody
I don't know what else to do
you know I try
but I trip on the laces
of my own fuckin' shoes
everybody
loves a winner
it sucks to always lose
so I'm leaving
I'm pulling out
I bid you all adieu

pathetic

I opened my dictionary
to look up the word pathetic
and found a picture
of my own smiling face
I fainted
I cried
"call the paramedics!"
I handled it all
with amazing disgrace

Standing ovation

Hey, man. I did the taping for that radio show I told you about.

The one that's syndicated nationally? How did it go?

Pretty good. I made some bum notes on guitar and that pissed me off. It also pisses me off that I have such a hard time tuning on stage. But I'm thinking that it may be the way I'm turning my left wrist when I'm making the chords. I'm fuckin' learning, you know. I've spent my whole life learning. 

How did the interview go, farmboy?

Better than I expected. I loved talking about the other musicians, the ones that influenced me. I had to pick four recordings, which are going to be edited into the show.

Really? That's interesting. What did you pick?

Ummmm…John Prine, Mississippi John Hurt, Emmylou Harris singing a Gram Parsons song, and Cowboy Junkies.

What Cowboy Junkies song?

"Sun Comes Up, It's Tuesday Morning."

Nice choice.

I thought so.

When do I get to hear the show, farmboy?

February of next year.

I look forward to hearing it.

Oh yeah…one more thing.

Yes, farmboy?

I got a standing ovation.

Seriously?

Yeah.

How did that make you feel?

Well, it was great, of course. But also hard to accept.

That doesn't surprise me.

Yeah. It doesn't surprise me either. But I'm working on it, man.

I have been running

I have been running 
in any way that I can
to catch up with you

I say I'll get there
and I really hope I do
but I just don't know

I have stock in faith
I have belief in the future
or so I'm saying

maybe all I know
is that this ol' life of mine
is sure confusing

for my guitar on a snow day

finally get a snow day
and what do I do?
spend it playing
with the likes of you
wood and metal 
on my knee
and the rest of the day
is history

This world don't stop

I got pressures, man, I have problems. I don't want to get overwhelmed. There's work, there's my truck -- the fuckin' never-ending sage, but I don't wanna go there -- there's performances I gotta prepare for…plus, it's fuckin' cold.

It's in the 30s right now. You're not a fan of cold weather, farmboy?

Cold weather is fine as long as I can stay indoors and drink coffee, play guitar and smoke weed. I always feel sorry for other people in bad weather, though. I have heat, I have food, I have a roof over my head, you know?

How about you, man? Do you like the cold?

No. I like it to be mild all the time.

That's the way I'm getting emotionally. I feel like, hey, let me catch up. I want calmness for an extended period of time. But this world don't stop. It keeps turning.

Well…that's a good thing, isn't it?

I guess.

Still pisses me off, though.

worries, trouble, etc.

I got worries
I got troubles
life is messing
with my mind
better hurry
on the double
life is out to
rob you blind
'round the corner
life will find you
asking for some
spare change
ain't it strange
how life keeps moving
but never seems 
to be improving

I got worries
I got troubles
life moves left 
instead of right
my eyes are blurry
chin has stubble
I haven't slept a wink
all night
in the moonlight
life will find you
saying "stay up and
scratch that itch"
what a bitch
life keeps surprising
hey, look over 
the far horizon
a new day has come
I got troubles
I got worries
I got a feeling 
they've just begun

hippie houses (possible chorus)

man, I miss those
hippie houses
they bring a teardrop
to my eyes
where joy is bought
in quarter ounces
and life is just
a contact high

hippie houses

I miss those hippie houses
I used to see when I was young
girls in their peasant blouses
ripple teasing teenage tongues
I couldn't wait to burn some buildings
and a bowl of homegrown weed
I was young and able and willing
satisfaction guaranteed

mi amor, mi guitarra

tú eres mi compadre
mi socio en el crimen
tú eres mi hermano
mi amigo también
una amistad para siempre
corazón amarra
¿Cómo te llamas?
mi amor, mi guitarra

emotional hypochondriac

you better stay away from me
if you haven't had your shots

hard world, possible bridge

I ain't gonna go, no
I ain't gonna go
I ain't gonna go outside
and if you should ever go
where those other people go
I'll say I told you so
when you run back to hide

hard world

it's a hard world
it's dog eat dog out there
it's a hard world
and you'd better best beware
of everything you'll ever see
and all you've ever known
it's a hard world
maybe you should stay at home

look around you
turn on the morning news
what surrounds you?
you're looking dazed and confused
by everything you've ever known
and all that's still to see
it's a hard world
stay inside with me

A high voter turnout!

So didja hear? Oregon voted to legalize recreational marijuana! It's about fuckin' time, you know? 

That's great news, farmboy. And you're right -- it's about time.

I bet it passed because there was a high voter turnout! I see Oregon's just going to pot! I didn't see that on TV, though -- I had to weed about it in the news!

Very punny, farmboy.

I don't hear any laughter, man. Hey, what's that sound -- crickets? It's dead in this room. Tough crowd…

shake the etch-o-sketch

I need to clear my mind
wipe the slate
wash it clean
scrape the static
off the screen
make a new mistake
throw a monkey wrench
I need to shake the etch-o-sketch