stranger

call me on the telephone

send me a text

I just want to be warned

of where we're going next

I don't do well with sharp turns

adventure means nothing to me

I need you to tell me

what exactly I will see

I know I'm a stranger

I go through this life untouched

I can take care of myself

thank you very much

of every word I've ever heard

of everything I've seen

it is 100 percent a blessing

to be a human being

take me to your hiding place

shelter me with love

I know I can depend on you

when the going's getting rough

I want to understand things

that only you would know

I will still be waiting

when it's time to go

when is it my turn

I've been waiting forever

I can't wait anymore

I'm searching for a key

to unlock the door

to my heart

I don't think it works

unless there's a chance

of me getting hurt

I've been waiting forever

but I can't seem to learn

when is it my turn

there must be a reason

for my loneliness

but whatever it is

is anybody's guess

my heart is locked

no one can get in

God knows I've tried

over and over again

there must be a reason

I know will stand firm

when is it my turn

          can you help me

          I'm lost and cannot see

          the obstacles that stand

          inside of me

I have been lonely

since the day I was born

solemn and scared

and feeling forlorn

tell me I'm foolish

tell me I'm wrong

but most of all, tell me

that I belong

my time's speeding by

and I am concerned

when is it my turn

I went to the movies

I went to the movies

but I didn't see

anybody 

who looked like me

the actors were good looking

no one was a slob

I guess being good looking

is the main part of their job

I went to the movies

to see other folks

fall in love

and tell each other jokes

perfect bodies

and perfect health

and not a single person

like myself

          where am I on the big screen?

          am I a bad example of a human being?

I went to the movies

but you were not there

I couldn't find you

you could be anywhere

or maybe you're perfect

and just taking a break

or maybe you figured out

I was just a mistake

I went to the movies

I could not be found

on the silver screen

being Hollywood bound

so here I will stay

without a friend or a lover

waiting in vain

to be discovered

you can't bother me

you can't bother me

I've erased you from my mind

I could search all of my memories

but it's you I cannot find

I've burned all of your letters

threw your photographs away

your name is strangely absent

from all the words I say 

I have looked inside my soul

and set my own self free

you can't bother me

all your best intentions

won't do you any good

they will not affect me

like you think they should

your words are all uneven

they disappear like dust

I can't believe I thought of you

as someone I could trust

I think about how it's time

for you to leave me be

you can't bother me

          I am someone 

          you will never see again

          how can I believe 

          that you were once my friend

someday in the future

if you should come around

I will keep all I remember

ten feet underground

and you won't affect me

I will not run in fear

I will only tell myself

that you are not here

you don't even deserve

a trace of memory

you can't bother me

just another day

it's the day after my birthday

now it's just another day

a day with no good wishes

another day to waste away

but to me today is special

it's always darkest before dawn

today is living proof

that life continues to move on

today I will return

to eating normally

no more cake and corn chips

it's fruit and vegetables for me

no more time for sleeping late

there's work to be done

there's always so much to do

before the setting sun

it will be another year

until I can celebrate again

until all the days align

and another year comes in

364 days

to do just what I should

all for one special day

when I get to feeling good

it's the day after my birthday

and that's all right with me

it's just another day

with so much left to see

with so many happy moments

so much shuck 'n jive

it's the day after my birthday

I am glad to be alive

you are thinking

you are thinking

just like you always do

about your future

and those dreams that won't come through

you walk in circles

not knowing what to do

but you know you're going to do it anyway

you are sitting

in a doctor's waiting room

where you hope

that you're not returning soon

if you're okay

you'll be howling at the moon

grateful for life in all its gloty

          it's a story

          a novel that takes so long to read

          right before me

          is the wisdom that I need

you are waiting

for the days to come

when all you've worked for

does not become undone

so much to do

before the setting sun

see you the same time tomorrow

          let me borrow

          a way to achieve maximum speed

          right before me

          is the wisdom that I need

famous people (rewrite 1)

famous people

all know one another

they're not like any others

they're not unknown

famous people

appear in the headlines

the reason for deadlines

they're never alone

they have fans and they have fun

looking out for number one

they always know just what to do

wouldn't you like to be famous?

famous people

say what they mean

from online magazines

they stare at you

famous people

smile beautiful smiles

but after a while

it gets harder 

always standing tall and pretty

futures voted by committee

strategies to pull you through

wouldn't you like to be famous?

famous people

they are not you

no matter what you do

that's why they're stars

famous people

we think they're above us

they may say they love us

but that won't get them far

but still you wish that you were in

part of a group you've never been

someone you wish you knew

wouldn't you like to be famous?

famous people

famous people

all know one another

they're not like any others

they're not unknown

famous people

appear in the headlines

they're the reason for deadlines

never alone

they have fans and they have fun

looking out for number one

so they don't become number two

wouldn't you like to be famous, too?

famous people

say what they mean

in online magazines

they stare at you

famous people

smile beautiful smiles

but after a while

their popularity is through

they always stand, tall and pretty

careers voted by committee

they carry themselves so you can tell

wouldn't you like to be famous as well?

famous people

they are not you

no matter what you do

that's why they're stars

famous people

put themselves above us

some say they love us

but that won't get them far

but still you wish that you were in

part of a group you've never been

where your dreams have just begun

wouldn't you like to be famous

number one?

a pearl

please please please

don't put me on hold

I just have a quick question

then I'll be out of your hair

it's not like way back

in the days of old

you needed a person

that person would be there

I don't understand 

this modern world

but that's okay

I didn't understand the old one as well

but inside the oyster

you'll find a pearl

and you'll find a pearl

inside yourself

I'm ready for reentry

I will be one of you

vulnerable and human

determined to survive

lead me by example

show me what to do

I wan to know what it's like

to be alive

nobody tells you the rules

I could be better at this game of life

except nobody tells you the rules

I've reached my potential

my talent is slim

my dreams still burn brightly

but my prospects are dim

the challenges are nothing

like what I learned in school

I could be better at this game of life

except nobody tells you the rules 

out there on the open road

no atlas do you need

you only choose if you will follow

or if you'll take the lead

if you'll be your own hero

or if you play the fool

I could be better at this game of life

except nobody tells you the rules

the rules keep on changing

like crows on the telephone wire

always rearranging

always reaching higher

as time marches forward

just remember keep your cool

I could be better at this game of life

except nobody tells you the rules

go away

I left my home last night

I went out on the town

I just thought I should get out

and take a look around

and even though I was afraid

of the unknown

I decided to leave

my safety zone

          and it was all right

          it was a good way to spend the night

          to finally live without the peace and quiet

          that make up my days

          I thought I'd go away

human being

out in the backyard

the crickets are chirping

the sky is as clear

as an old mountain stream

I tilt my head back

and gaze at the stars

there is the universe

i am just a human being

I live on a planet

the earth is my home

where I will go'

there is no guaranteeing 

this world is the only

place I have known

out in the universe

I am just a human being

          I don't take it for granted

          my home on the range

          but I swear I've never seen

          anything so strange

here in the moonlight

I stop asking why

I look at my life

and I give it a try

I don't have a word 

for the way I am feeling

here in the universe

I am just a human being

here I am again

here I am again

standing outside your front door

here I am again

the same old fool that I was before

waiting for a miracle to happen'

something that was always meant to be

here I am again

always lost in feeling

that you'll fall in love with me

better days

I was looking for inspiration

when I saw you

I thought you could save me

from the boredom of my mind

I could do anything

that I want to

but I couldn't leave

the thought of you behind

I crossed the highest bridges

in the city

to see if you were anywhere

I might be able to go

I was living in depression

and self pity

realizing you were someone

who I would never know

          save me from myself

          and all my selfish ways

          when I look at you

          all I see are better days

I tried to take a photograph

inside my own mind

I developed it and placed it

in my picture book

you were what 

I always hoped I'd find

now I wish I'd taken

another second look

          save me from myself

          and all my selfish ways

          when I look at you

          all I see are better days

tell me there is hope

tell me there is hope

even if you have to lie

right now I need a reason

not to say goodbye

tell me there is peace

deep inside my soul

even though there is no way

that you could ever know

tell me I'm alive

though I'm feeling half past dead

hopefully I'll have the sense

to get it through my head

tell me life is fair

even though I know it's not

I'm feeling like a criminal

who knows that he'll be caught

          let me be someone that's true

          I will do my best for you

tell me it's okay

that life will turn out fine

help me ignore the memories

that keep me far behind

tell me there's a chance

that sorrow will not win

and if I forget

you can tell me once again

          let me be someone that's true

          I will do my best for you

tell me there is hope

I really need to see

a little bit of courage

hidden inside me

tell me there is hope

where I'm seeing none

I need to believe

that my trials are done

cat by the window

there's a cat by the window

surveying the back yard

searching for squirrels and birds

the cat is a predator

not hunting is hard

you cannot describe it in words

but still she looks

at the world outside

to see the creatures

that she's been denied

and that's how it goes

for the cat by the window

here and now

I feel the same age

but everyone is so much older

and still my birthdays

come faster every year

the world is turning fast

and everything's so much colder

and I know that someday

I will disappear

          so I will live in the moment

          I'll live for today, but I don't know how

          still I will live in the moment

          spending my tomorrows in the here and now

time moves swiftly

it doesn't stop for nothing

it's rushing faster and faster

so quick I can't see

still I can't help thinking

it all means something

it's all scrambled together

inside of me

          so I will live in the moment

          I'll live for today, but I don't know how

          still I will live in the moment

          spending my tomorrows in the here and now

so many yesterdays

have come before this

every morning

the sun rises again

I try and try

but I can't ignore this

I know my time is coming

but I don't know when

          so I will live in the moment

          I'll live for today, but I don't know how

          still I will live in the moment

          spending my tomorrows in the here and now

I don't feel so good

I don't feel so good

I'm gonna stay in bed all day

waste all my time away

drink fluids and watch TV

don't worry about me

I'll get well in time

I'll start feeling fine

I'll be as well as I can be

but for right now

I will stay in bed

podcasts circling around my head

my body is so rundown

maybe there will be a place for me

where I'm feeling good

the way I should

I need to turn this around

role model

I will be your role model

you can count on me

to show you how to become

whoever you want to be

I will give you wisdom

and you will understand

exactly how to be like me

it's under your command

I will be your role model

you can be like me

just follow my directions

and tell me what you see

you can comb your hair like mine

you can do what I can do

you can have the best of me

living inside you

          let me be your role model

          let me be your role model

I will be your role model

you don't have to be yourself

you can spend your life pretending

that you're someone else

and if that special someone

turns out to be me

you are now successful

you are who you're meant to be

          let me be your role model

          let me be your role model

searching again

I'll be leaving today

a new home i will find

to replace the old memories

of what i've left behind

I don't know what's up around the bend

all I know is I'm searching again

as far as this place

and your mind is concerned

I'm continuing lessons

i should have learned

I'm convinced sometimes it's all in my head

all I know is I'm searching again

little by little

life is getting better

little by little

it's easing up on me

as we speak

I have less to complain about

little by little

love makes a weak man strong

and a strong man weak

old Texas novel

sometimes all I need 

is an old Texas novel

one with a story worth telling

with folks good or bad

it's a feast to be had

a protagonist who's compelling

and I will read all day

and into the night

and in the end

it's all right

let me read

why can't I get a break

why can't I get a break

is a question I often ask myself

it never does me any good

this symptom of my mental health

I don't look good in pity

self-expression is now a mistake

still the question lingers

why can't I get a break

I somehow try to be cheerful

but that's not the way I feel

I wear my pride like armor

I wear a smile like a shield

but inside I'm a fuckin' mess

and it's more than I can take

still I ask the question

why can't I get a break

come tomorrow morning

I'll wake up full of hope

filled with facts and figures

and the ability to cope

I will be a company

of which I have a stake

still I ask the question

why can't I get a break

keeping house

just when I think i'm finished

I have to start all over again

that's what they call keeping house

first, vacuum the carpet

to the way it should have been

everything goes in

everything goes out

then move on to the chairs

that nobody ever sits in

keeping house is what you're gonna do

you won't think about

how you never fit in

not everything is centered around you

pick that shit off of the floor

mop and try to sweep

keeping house is nearing this day's end

it will all be done

victory is sweet

tomorrow it will start over again

clicking clock

every day's the same old news

I'm confused as I can be

I can't even find my shoes

much less a reason to believe

every day's a clicking clock

waiting to go off

thinking that it's everything

knowing it is not enough

higher ground

time climbs a steep ladder

makes you sadder than you've ever been

my mind's just percolating 

meanwhile I'm waiting for love again

I've always stood for reason

but now I see some

fierce waves ahead

I'm bolting down the hatches

fighting for land ahead

          I'm not waving here

          I'm drowning

          take me to higher ground

time drives a hard bargain

a rose garden of sharpened thorns

and when you've broken through

it's up to you whose shoes are worn

          I'm not waving here

          I'm drowning

          take me to higher ground

today's try

cut the crap

from your ears

buddy, can't you ever hear?

I've got a proclamation to say

verse

little by little we'll continue

life keeps going on

it's not all of a sudden

it takes its own damn time time

when safety is the purpose

and victory the name

I am returning

I am returning 

from a long, unplanned trip

burying my mother

at her home, out of state

so don't talk to me

don't ask me no questions

update

I am sicker than I've ever been, and I won't be writing until this has passed. Sorry.