Friday, August 31, 2012
So I guess summer, as we know it, is coming to an end, man. I'm back at the fuckin' job, the kids come back Wednesday, the days are beginning to be shorter, and I can smell autumn in this Pacific Northwest air. Fuck, man, summer's just too fuckin' short.
I'm in total agreement with you, farmboy. Now, which states have you lived in?
I lived in Austin, Texas and Ventura County down in Southern California.
The northwest is different from those places. It's a lot grayer and wetter, for one thing...
Actually, that's two things, but who's counting?
I mean, it's very mild here for the most part. But the winters here are more pronounced than Texas and California. It can get colder and darker.
Yeah, well, there's nothing I can do about it. I'll just have to live with it.
I sure wish there was another month or two of summer, though.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
I only have a few days left before I have to go back to working at the school. I'm trying not to think too much about it. Man, the summer goes by so fuckin' fast. Feels like school just ended and now we're going back.
But let's not talk about that kind of stuff right now and let's focus on the gift of having just a few more precious days to waste. I have weed, I have groceries, I got rhythm. Who could ask for anything more?
So what are you going to do with those precious few days, farmboy? Do you have plans?
Not really. But I don't have to worry about my lack of activity. I mean, come Thursday I'll have to be back to the same old fuckin' same old. Back to having a regular paycheck, no matter how small it is.
...But let's not think about that now.
Fuck, no, man. The opportunity to do nothing is upon us.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
but you do not answer the door
you just sleep past noon
like you always do
like all your days before
when you wake, opportunity's gone
on the road and moving on
searching for someone who wants to win
but you will not let it in
Friday, August 24, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
So California was pretty good, man. It was very stressful at times, you know, with the money situation and all the rehearsals that I did with people for the gigs. But it was good and I made some money and at least I'll be able to pay the rent for next month. By then I'll be back at work for another fuckin' school year.
Did you have any fun, farmboy? I'm presuming that you got to spend time with friends and family, as well as performing.
Yeah, it was great seeing everybody, Spent a lot of time with my stepmother and my friend Jim, who sang harmony with me at some of the shows. He's a great harmony singer, the best.
The performances went really good. I played and sang really well and didn't have hardly any problem with the fuckin' carpel tunnel stuff. For the most part, my hands worked well. I related to the audiences well and I sang well. Fuck, man, it feels so good to do concerts of my own songs, you know? Not that I mind playing for kids or at farmers' markets, but...
But writing songs is what you you do, farmboy. It makes sense that you would get more meaning playing and singing your own compositions.
Yeah, man. I need to do that more. I need to find a way to do that. Or ways, which is probably more accurate.
So, anyway, it was a good trip, and it really means something to know that I've basically made my living this summer playing music. It's been busy, performing and recording and writing. 'Course, it's also been hard and stressful, too.
When do you back to work?
A week from today, that's when I go back to the fuckin' job. But I ain't thinking about that much right now, man. I got better things to think about, you know?
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
too much nervous
need a little peace of mind
if for just one night
I need no TV set
just a couple hits of reefer
and the ol' internet
the time will come for working
it always returns
but for now lay back
in the spring grass and let it
soothe your aching mind
Monday, August 6, 2012
So today, man, today was a day, let me tell you. Got plane tickets for California. Recorded some basic tracks for the CD...
How was that, farmboy? Did it feel any better than the last time?
It did, yeah, thanks for asking. I was more relaxed, I was more focused. I sang well, generally. I felt more in control. I think I got some usable tracks. It's such fuckin' hard work, man. But it's worth it. The whole process is worth it.
So I feel good about the session. It's good to feel like I'm capable of good results. I mean, I feel like I'm just such a fuckin' loser all the time, and I'm so fuckin' sick of it.
The same with being afraid. I'm tired of it. I've been afraid to drive in most circumstances...but there was this stuff going on Saturday, a farewell concert by some friends of mine who are moving to Berkeley and a barbecue with folks from the coffeehouse. And I normally wouldn't have gone, but...fuck, I'm tired of being bossed around by my own fears. So I drove and it was difficult but I'm glad I went.
And you're going to California later this week, right?
Yeah. I have such a hard time leaving. I freak out unless everything's planned and safe. Damn. I didn't want to end up like that in my life.
So I'm going and that's okay. I'll go and see people and play some shows and hopefully make some money that I can live on in September.
It seems better than last summer, farmboy.
It is, man. It's stressful and at times I panic and I'm miserable. But it ain't anywhere as bad as last summer. That's a blessing, man.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Friday, August 3, 2012
Thursday, August 2, 2012
You know, I don't mean to say this in a negative way...
I don't know why we keep going, we keep hoping, we keep fuckin' striving. 'Cause you know, man, it's all going to shit in the end.
Maybe it's because we secretly enjoy the hoping, going and striving. (pauses) I don't know if I got the order right.
Yeah, I guess. Maybe we're hardwired. Whatever that means. Maybe a lot of us can't help it. Of course, you can always point to people that it didn't work for. Fuckin' whatever, man.
Why do I ask these questions?
Maybe you secretly enjoy it.
It feels more like I can't help it.