Capable of good results

So today, man, today was a day, let me tell you. Got plane tickets for California. Recorded some basic tracks for the CD...

How was that, farmboy? Did it feel any better than the last time?

It did, yeah, thanks for asking. I was more relaxed, I was more focused. I sang well, generally. I felt more in control. I think I got some usable tracks. It's such fuckin' hard work, man. But it's worth it. The whole process is worth it.

So I feel good about the session. It's good to feel like I'm capable of good results. I mean, I feel like I'm just such a fuckin' loser all the time, and I'm so fuckin' sick of it. 

The same with being afraid. I'm tired of it. I've been afraid to drive in most circumstances...but there was this stuff going on Saturday, a farewell concert by some friends of mine who are moving to Berkeley and a barbecue with folks from the coffeehouse. And I normally wouldn't have gone, but...fuck, I'm tired of being bossed around by my own fears. So I drove and it was difficult but I'm glad I went.

And you're going to California later this week, right?

Yeah. I have such a hard time leaving. I freak out unless everything's planned and safe. Damn. I didn't want to end up like that in my life.

So I'm going and that's okay. I'll go and see people and play some shows and hopefully make some money that I can live on in September.

It seems better than last summer, farmboy.

It is, man. It's stressful and at times I panic and I'm miserable. But it ain't anywhere as bad as last summer. That's a blessing, man.