hide away

I don't want to argue with the facts
I want to act
like nothing ever happened
I can only argue with my heart
when it starts
its incessant finger snapping
when I try to keep
emotions to myself
I always end up
hurting someone else
so let me hide away
let me hide away

when did I disappear (new final verse)

when I wake up tomorrow
I'll still be someone else
searching through my memories
for a souvenir of myself
I can't bear another minute
of you not being near
when did I disappear

born long time ago

I was born
long time ago
when time was long
and life was slow
ask me something
I'll share my thoughts
sadly, truth is
I forgot
days go fast
here's how I know
I was born
long time ago

in my Hollywood

in my Hollywood
land of illusion and light
racism still wins

I guess I'll learn

I'm afraid to live with love
but I guess I'll learn

cleaning the refrigerator

at times life is like
cleaning the refrigerator
you gotta throw things out
before they get too cold
and don't put in
something you'll throw out later
you see, sometimes life's
just a big chunk of mold

this old town

take a deep breath
drink a glass of water
and tell me where you were
when it all went down
it's lucky you're alive
they'd kill you for a quarter
they're making a mockery
out of this old town

used to be back when
everything was hunky dory
you got what you needed
through sweat and hard work
now it's completely
an entirely different story
the rich get richer
and the poor get hurt

is it really going to be okay

is it really going to be okay
you need to convince me
it ain't been right since we
agreed we must part
is there something left to say
or are we just running around
both feet off the ground
this ache in my heart

I don't know why
you don't want to try
neither do I
but it's time to say goodbye

last time I got depressed

last time I got depressed
it wasn't very funny
I took the bus to my bank
and I withdrew all my money
and then I went to the grocery store
and bought a lot of food
ice cream, chips, and pork rinds
you might say I was in the mood
to destroy myself
to enjoy myself
the best I could

my good enough life

it's a good enough life,
I suppose
good enough to provide
a lethal dose
I'll have some of these
and some of those
in my good enough life

blessing or a curse

I can't do it
anymore
waking up like I did yesterday
and the day before
nothing ever changes
unless it's for the worse
so I'll stay here in bed
am I a blessing or a curse

I can't do it
what can I say?
all my get-up-and-go
has gone away
in this contest of pain
I know who's placing first
asking that old question
am I a blessing or a curse

          I know there's a world out there
          but it's got nothing for me
          all the good people I have seen
          laugh as they ignore me

I can't do it
hard as I try
and all I hear
are excuses why
nothing will happen
nothing ever works
I look in the mirror 
am I a blessing or a curse

sweet peace

I can't do this anymore
pretending that things will be better
nothing changes, that's for sure
not even this cold and gray weather
so I'm going to the store
I think you know the one
I'm gonna lay down my money
I'm gonna buy myself a gun
I hear the process is fast
and I'll have peace
sweet peace
at last

king of silver linings

I'm the king of silver linings
I see the good in everything,
I tell you
and if you believe my findings
I've got some land to sell you

in spite of you (rewrite six)

every hour of honest work
every healing inside the hurt
every morning when I wake
every rough and ragged 
breath I take
everything I can
I'm going to
everything I am
everything I do
I'm gonna make it though
in spite of you

every year of growing old
every journey of my soul
every time I've had to fight
to see the difference 'tween wrong and right
and try to understand
before I choose
everything I am
everything I do
and I'll do what I have to do
in spite of you

          you've wanted to harm me
          since I can remember
          but now you don't alarm me
          I don't have to surrender

every second
every minute
of a life with joy within it
I will fight 
as hard as I must
until all your words
have turned into dust
everything I am
everything I do
every well-earned plan
from a forgotten clue
I know what is true
in spite of you

I can't be
the man I was before
I don't need you
anymore

firecrackers

there's a million firecrackers
going off in my brain
at the same time
so I take in mind these factors
as I take those tiny pills
that I'm prescribed
I hate being conflicted
but I don't want to be addicted
to the medicine
that's supposed to be the cure
or at least maybe I can win some
of these battles with my symptoms
but I never can be sure

there's a million firecrackers
exploding in my mind
every minute
I can hear their candy wrappers
as they fuel themselves
to go the limit
they're up to their old tricks
so, I guess you'd say, I need a fix
but it's legal and I need
a double dose
and I know I shouldn't do it
but my brain's pushing me to it
I ain't done it yet
but I'm mighty close

there's a million firecrackers
going off in my head 
what am I going to do
a nuclear reactor
might cure me instead
but I don't have a clue
I might try weed 
or meditation
there must be some way
out of this situation
without fucking up
and making it worse
I know I should be choosing
is it winning or losing
is it a blessing or a curse

there's a million firecrackers
going off in my brain
at the same time

incinerate

I am trying to forget
every word you ever said
I am trying to delete
your image from my head
I am trying to put something
else there instead
but I don't know what it is

everything you told me
is engraved upon my mind
everything that I've turned into
is what you hoped you'd find
you thought I was some object
that you could throw behind
and maybe I am
maybe that is my fate
but it's your words
I need to incinerate

cantankerous

I don't want to do anything today
and no one can make me
I'm gonna lie in bed all day
and see where that will take me

alive again (rewrite one)

I finally deleted your number
I wasn't sure how it would feel
until I realized I couldn't call you
then it all suddenly became real
I couldn't have known
till I took you off the list
all of the good stuff
that I have missed
by believing you were my friend
but now I'm alive again

I should have known a long time ago
that you had no use for me
and no matter what the future holds
it's never what it used to be
I should have known
and now I finally do
there's no place in my life
for someone like you
yesterday's come to an end
today now I'm alive again

          I don't know what you hoped to find
          but then again I never have
          all I know is my own mind
          and sometimes I just have to laugh

I finally deleted your number
I didn't know if I would
I had no idea
that the ending would feel so good
I'm walking away
and you're staying behind
in some corner inside
the very back of my mind
no longer a need to pretend
now I'm alive again
now I'm alive again

alive again

I finally deleted your number
I didn't know how I would feel
until I realized I couldn't call you
then it all suddenly became real
I couldn't have known
till I took you off the list
all of the good stuff
that I have missed
by believing you were my friend
but now I'm alive again

I should have known a long time ago
that you had no use for me
no matter what the future brings
it can't be how it used to be
I should have known
and now I finally do
that I have no need
for someone like you
yesterday's come to an end
because now I'm alive again

          I don't know what you're thinking
          but then again I never have
          all I know is my own mind
          and sometimes I just have to laugh

I finally deleted your number
I didn't know if I would
I had no idea
that the end would feel so good
I'm walking away
and you're staying behind
in some corner inside
the very back of my mind
no longer a need to pretend
now I'm alive again
now I'm alive again

in spite of you (rewrite five)

every hour of honest work
every healing inside the hurt
every morning when I wake
every rough and ragged 
breath I take
everything I can
I'm going to
everything I am
everything I do
I'm making it though
in spite of you

every year of growing old
every journey of my soul
every time I've had to fight
to see between wrong and right
and try to understand
before I choose
everything I am
everything I do
and I'll do what I have to do
in spite of you

          you've wanted to harm me
          since I can remember
          but now you don't alarm me
          I don't have to surrender

every second
every minute
of a life with joy within it
I will fight to the end of my will
to make sure that your voice is stilled
everything I am
everything I do
every well-earned plan
from a forgotten clue
I know what is true
that's why I'm getting through
in spite of you

I can't be
the man I was before
I don't need you
anymore

this world today

it's a minefield
this world today
you gotta walk the right walk
in case you go the wrong way
and the wrong way
is every way I go
my friends all say
"I told you so"

it's rough and tough
this world today
you can't trust
what anyone will say
and what they say
is just an excuse
to sell you things
you'll never lose

nothing I say

nothing I say will change your mind
so no words will leave my lips
the only thing that natters now
are the soft touch of your fingertips
nothing I say
can control you
nothing I do
can make you stay
nothing I am
can ever claim to know you
it wouldn't help anyway
nothing I say

running in circles

I know you feel like you're
running in circles
but there you are
now you're on your way
time feels slow when you're
running in circles
but we both know
you'll get there one day

ask my therapist

I thought I'd write you
but I have nothing to say
but, you know, me being me
I'm gonna say it anyway
but first let's have some small talk
pretend the hurt doesn't exist
I'm fucked up with my feelings
just ask my therapist

curious

I'm looking at up and down
and I don't know which one to believe
I'm tired of hanging around
I need to see what I can see

          'cause I am curious
          that's who I am
          and I'l be headin' off to nowhere
          unless you have better plans

I'm nodding back and forth
north and south, right and left
the answer is "of course"
if you ask if I'm bereft

          'cause I'm curious
          that's who I be
          and if you're trying to keep me in
          get the hell away from me

february winter

turn up the heater
this apartment is freezing
february winter

do the math

put you and me together
and add up the score
in clear and cloudy weather
it's exactly what we've been searching for
I'm gonna rise to the occasion
I'm the answer to your equation
no matter what the situation
you can count on me

          do the math
          we belong together
          like half-and-half
          ain't nothing better         
          I'm saying this for our own good
          for our own behalf
          do the math
          do the math
          do the math

put one and one together
and the sum you get is us
baby, I'm the inventor
of a love that you can truly trust
I'm gonna show you what I'm made of
ain't nothing to be afraid of
no matter what you say, love
you can count on me

          do the math
          we're the right decision
          baby, there's no path
          in long division
          one day we'll look back on this
          and we'll just have to laugh
          do the math
          do the math
          do the math

eggshells (rewrite one)

no wolf at my front door
no monster under the bed
no stranger in the shower
still I am filled with dread
there's nothing to be afraid of
far as the eye can see
so why am I waking on eggshells
when there's no one here but me

the news is what it always is
the world's gone to hell
business is filled with bastards
out for only themselves 
my home should be my safe place
you'd think that's how it would be
so why am I walking on eggshells
when there's no one here but me

          someone once put
          these words in my brain
          "keep your friends close
          but keep your enemies closer
          it's easy when they're
          one and the same
          but it's an emotional 
          roller coaster

there's no excuse for self-pity
no reason to be pissed
call suicide prevention
but first call my therapist
I need some intervention
to keep myself away from me
please, can you answer my question
when I look around I see
that I'm always walking on eggshells
when there's no one here but me

eggshells

no wolves are at my front door
no monsters under the bed
no one's hiding in the shower
still I am filled with dread
there's nothing to be afraid of
as far as I can see
so why am I waking on eggshells
when there's no one here but me

the news is what it always is
the world's gone to hell
business is filled with lying bastards
only out for themselves 
but home should be my safe place
you'd think that's how it would be
so why am I walking on eggshells
when there's no one here but me

          someone once said
          "keep your friends close
          but keep your enemies closer
          it's easy when they're
          one and the same
          but it's an emotional 
          roller coaster

there's no excuse for self-pity
no reason to be pissed
call suicide prevention
but first call my therapist
I need some intervention
to keep myself away from me
please, can you answer my question
when I look around I see
that I'm always walking on eggshells
when there's no one here but me

in spite of you (rewrite four)

every hour of honest work
every healing inside the hurt
every morning when I wake
every rough and ragged 
breath I take
everything I can
I'm going to
everything I am
everything I do
I'm making it though
in spite of you

every year of growing old
every journey of my soul
every time I've had to fight
to see between wrong and right
and try to understand
before I choose
everything I am
everything I do
and I'll do what I have to do
in spite of you

          you've wanted to harm me
          since I can remember
          but now you don't alarm me
          I don't have to surrender

every second
every minute
of a life with joy within it
I will fight to the end of my will
to make sure that your voice is stilled
everything I am
everything I do
every well-earned plan
from a forgotten clue
I know what is true
that's why I'm getting through
in spite of you

left shoulder

time is sitting on my left shoulder
watching me while I work
saying every day you're getting older
and still you can't hide the hurt

Luck doesn't exist unless it's bad

So here I am again, waiting for something to happen in my life that's not filled with stress and worry. Finances are fucked, I don't have an audience, I don't have any friends anymore. I don't know what to do.

What have you been doing, farmboy?

Well, I'm involved in a fuckin' lawsuit, people just keep wanting big sums of money from me and my funds are disappearing. And luck, you know, luck doesn't exist unless it's bad. It's a proven fact. You can look it up.

No, you can't.

Yes, you can.

Can't.

Can.

Try looking it up on the internet. I'm sure that you'll find some proof somewhere that bad luck is the only kind of luck. I'm sure of it. Go ahead, look.

(bored) If you say so, farmboy.

Okay, if I look it up and show you, will you believe me then?

No.

No?

I'm not sure how much I believe in luck, good or bad. I think that maybe things just are.

Well, that's thinking positive.

Look, I don't know. I'm just a human being, just like you. We're not designed to know everything.

Well, that sucks. What if you want to know everything.? What if you need to know everything? What then?

That's why we have scientists and teachers and artists. Just because you can't know everything doesn't mean you shouldn't learn, farmboy.

Yeah, if you say so. Me, I'm gonna smoke some weed and go back to bed. Too confusing for me, man.