Didn't have to be alone

How are you doing? It's good to see you.

Listen, man, this is serious bad stuff.

What's that?

You know the music place that I go out to sometimes? I mean, it's basically the only place I hang out at.

You don't usually hang out much with friends.

This...this was the one place I hung out at. It's closing.

It's been on shaky ground for a while, financially speaking. And I knew there was a chance this would happen. But it was still this major, major shock.

What happened was I went there tonight and one of the owners gave me a couple of sheets of paper for me to read. That's how I found out. It was so nice of him to let me know like that. If I had just read it in an e-mail or something, I would have been more devastated. And even more, I wasn't alone.

That's the worst thing, I think, to be alone when devastating things happen to you. That's just so fuckin' awful.

So, anyway, I was upset and went to the restroom and stayed there for, like, a half-hour, then I went back and I was going to leave...this friend of mine was there and we went into the back room to talk and then other people came in and I was kinda crying. There was like tears and my nose was running and, man...people was hugging me (starts to cry)...fuck, man, see, it's like I run on two separate emotions when bad shit happens. I'm either filled with murderous rage or I turn into a five year old. Which is what happened here. I mean, I felt physically like a little kid. And -- thank you Jesus, and I mean that seriously -- my friends were hugging me and I am so grateful that I didn't have to be alone. That would have hurt me more than anything.

I could say all kinds of things, but I don't think I need to. Except I want to say how sorry I am for your loss. Because you're going to be doing some grieving. It is like losing a loved one.

A little death.

And you'll need to grieve it. But you know that all your friends still remain. That's really what this is all about, your friends.

I know.

You know, after all this time, I'm hearing you talk about friends, people you're connected to emotionally. It's nice. You talk about not trusting your own species and I know how much you need solitude. But from what you're saying, it sounds like these people -- these friends, these fellow human beings -- really love you.

(softly) They do. (pauses) There's a lot of people who love me.

I know. I'm one of them.

(starts to cry) Fuck, man, I'm so fuckin' sensitive.

Farmboy, it's okay. Go ahead and cry.

Fuck, man, I felt so hopeless when I was hangin' out in the restroom there, all by myself. But then I went back in and I didn't have to be alone. I didn't have to be alone.

No you didn't. You were with your friends. Who love you.

And I love them.

Welcome to the human race, farmboy. You're capable of love. And also being loved.

Man, am I gonna be tired.

Emotions are exhausting.

Dude, you said it.