my online journey

the day's work is done
the sun is hiding
and I'm bored out of my mind
think I'll go
to the internet
and see what there is to find
there's mean human beings
that love disagreeing
about everything under the sun
give me Facebook
give me Twitter
Instragram's my babysitter
now my online journey has begun

the past is a different country

the past is a different country
you can't go there anymore
everything is different
than it was before
the highways are blocked
and the stop light's always red
the past is a different country
it's best to look ahead

I tried to change my history
but it wouldn't listen to me
I tried to make it live inside
but somehow it passed right through me
I regret not learning more
I want the lessons I've worn down
the past is a different county
now I stand on higher ground

falling

I'm calling because I'm falling
deeper and deeper
into my depression
I know you're busy, doctor,
but believe you me
I could use a session
cancel my subscription to the blues
write me a prescription I can use
give me something I can't lose
and I'll show you what I'm made of
give me normal or give me death
examine every single breath
I have only one request
and that's not to be afraid of
life
because I'm falling
and there's no way back up

on my way downtown

I was cruising through life
like I was Frank Sinatra
I was hitting the target
like it was a piñata
espousing philosophy like
Jean-Paul Sartre
I was on my way downtown

this company town

I take pills in the morning

to feel a-okay

so I can tell the whole world

get out of my way

I'm a man of business

and I gotta say

it takes a lot for me

to go out and play

your stupid games

I don't mean to put you down

but no one knows your name

in this company town

exist

somebody tell me
am I here to do something
or just to exist

part of the neighborhood

I ain't feeling bad
I ain't feeling good
today I'm just part of the neighborhood
today I somehow know my place
is at the back of the line
in the human race
I know it's not true
in fact, you know, I really do
my brain's not made of balsa wood
today I'm part of the neighborhood

you don't have to be a turtle

so you've left your heart wide open
and the going's getting rough
you've spent your whole life hoping
someday you'll be good enough
to find someone who loves you
who's always thinking of you
I know it's natural to be afraid
but now it's time to see some changes made

          you don't have to be a turtle
          but you need a shell
          to protect you from
          rejection
          you know, love's the highest hurdle
          so respect yourself
          take care of your heart

now you are close to transparent
with nothing up your sleeve
by now, it's probably apparent
it's damn near time to leave
but there's someone out there
but life is never about fair
you just gotta keep on trying
and you'll get there -- there's no denying

         you don't have to be a turtle
          but you need a shell
          to protect you from
          rejection
          you know, love's the highest hurdle
          so respect yourself
          take care of your heart

I know it's hard now
but if you're willing to start now
you won't be standing apart now
love's gonna come your way

         you don't have to be a turtle
          but you need a shell
          to protect you from
          rejection
          you know, love's the highest hurdle
          so respect yourself
          take care of your heart

for the better

why don't things ever change for the better?
why does my life have to be so damn hard?
let me tell you about my miserable childhood
and how it left me broken and scarred
you want to see that movie?
I'll tell you how it ends
how come nobody wants to be my friend?

love is just a word I say

love is just a word I say
I don't know what it means
and so I hide
my love inside
under lock and key
and I never see it
I never see it
it remains clear out of my sight
love is just a word I say
in the darkness of night

we belonged together

have I ever said thank you
for being there with me
when I went from a boy
into a man
we had fun then
we entertained ourselves
with substances
playing board games
making future plans

          you were great
          we were drunk
          I had a banjo
          you had punk
          we belonged together

my brain talks to me

my brain talks to me
at three in the morning
when I get up to pee
it says:
"you know you're going to die someday
better you than me"
then I worry and fret
but I can't forget
anything my brain is saying
my brain talks to me
at three in the morning
and that's my I'm decaying

songbirds

I hear the songbirds
outside my bathroom window
sweetly singing soft

born without a heart

I am open to anything
that can heal this broken spirit
my empty soul shakes apart
whenever somebody get near it
I don't know what happened to me
it's been too long
I cannot see
the long road stretched
in front of me
I don't know how to start
I am not like you
I was born without a heart

there's not a single soul around
to ease the way I feel
between winning and losing 
I've no way of choosing
which of the answers is real
I don't know what happened to me
somehow I was damaged
from what I used to be
I keep trying to manage
my dignity
but it's tearing me apart
I am not like you
I was born without a heart

take me to bed tonight
tell me secrets and more
I want to go into the light
I can't be who I was before
I don't know what happened to me
I used to have so much promise 
but somehow that has disappeared
along with my being honest
take my past away from me
give me the faith that's inside us
I just need a jump start
I was born without a heart
I was born without a heart

your company

my day is going well
all the pieces to the puzzle are here
and as for myself
I begin to disappear
into some kind of world
where I don't think only of me
let me live in sunshine
let me share your company

I would be a tragedy
if I was an actor
'cause I have seen such misery
I'm just reporting facts here
if lies have been my way of life
the truth shall set me free
let me live in gratitude
let me share your company

people like me

there are eight zillion thoughts
zooming through my brain
but none of them belong to me
they're borrowed from people
wanting me to do the same
while I'm striving to be free
I meditate
I medicate
please tell me that it's not too late
I want to be part of a society
I don't have a clue
what I should do
when I meet other people like me

looking forward

I'm looking forward
to getting where I'm going
I just need patience

tired

all day long I'm busy
trying to keep my sanity
I try to look my finest
to assuage my vanity
I do my best
I do protest:
"oh, the humanity"
and I'm tired
I'm so tired

at night I'm out on the streets
looking for you
I shake my head and clench my fists
but I don't have a clue
I do my best
to pass this test
but, man, what can I do
I'm tired
I'm so tired

          all I need to do is rest
          that's where I have the most success
          but I digress...

I am sad and lonely
I guess I've always been
no matter what I do
I cannot seem to win
I do my best
to not second guess
but here we go again
and I'm tired
I'm so tired

nothing doing

I don't remember being young
someone stole my memories
somehow they went inside my heart
and took them all away from me
and now it's just a mystery
how I have no history
it's neither hit or miss, you see
inside of me
there's a storm brewing
maybe it's to set me free
but I'm saying "nothing doing"

I don't remember growing up
I was always middle aged
a prisoner of a missing past
a free man locked inside a cage
and now it's just frightening
the thunder and the lightning
there ain't no use in fighting
what's inside of me
there's a storm brewing
I'm looking for a life in me
my mind says "nothing doing"

suicide hotline

I been walking down these crooked streets
looking for someone to meet
I've been searching everywhere
for quite a while
I don't worry, I don't fret
I haven't given up just yet
but I've got the suicide hotline
on speed dial

          just in case I get the blues
          the feeling I was born to lose
          all my hopeful dreams are in denial
          I spend my life unafraid
          of guns and pills and razor blades
          I've got the suicide hotline on speed dial

give me liberty or give me death
give me time to catch my breath
I ain't guilty
I ain't even on trial
I've seen luck, both good and bad
but when I think back on the life I've had
I need the suicide hotline
on speed dial

          just in case my luck runs out
          more bad news than I can count
          being positive has never been my style
          I spend my life with nothing left
          but drugs and booze and petty theft
          and the suicide hotline on speed dial

          

serious

I was so serious when I was young
I couldn't stay like that forever

horizon

standing at the shore
looking out at the horizon
somehow I arrived
the ocean, it roars
the waves are rising
I'm aware of being alive

kindness

I'm not used to kindness
especially from myself

neighborhood's changing

neighborhood's changing
new colors are everywhere
winter is over

don't tell me to calm down (chorus)

don't tell me to calm down
I'll explode if I want to
I'm tired of your common sense
always hanging around
when I die, I'll be a ghost
and I'll come back to haunt you
if you don't stop
telling me to calm down

the other side

another brand new day
wipe the blues out of your eyes
look inside for hope
try it on for size
you don't have to be afraid
you can cancel plans you made
it's never too late to kickstart
the moving parts
of your human heart
breathe easy and take a ride
joy is on the other side

cinco de mayo

beer is on sale
wine and margaritas, too
cinco de mayo

your smile

I have seen the devil
he's there in your smile

normal

I tried to be normal
as hard as I could
but normal was not
my neighborhood
so here I sit
my head in my hands
I do not comprehend
I do not understand

I tried to be normal
I read all the books
I pretended not to notice
all the nasty looks
I got from the neighbors
who lived next door
I think it was normal
they were searching for

          I need to be normal
          I'm willing to beg         
          but the world is a round hole
          and I'm a square peg

I tried to be normal
it's my calling in life
I'll never achieve it
but, then again, I might
if I change the definition
to include me, myself, and I
I just might be normal
before I die

         

weakening

I have spent my whole life being angry
I'm always pissed off, I can't help it
I try all I can, I really do
but I end up whining and selfish
this human being stuff is so damn hard
there's tunnels and highways and back roads
I try all I can, I really do
but I'm weakening under this heavy load

          let me complain
          let me remain
          oblivious to my problems
          give me a sign
          I'm falling behind
          I guess I'm resigned to solve them

shadows mark

shadows mark the place we stand
upon this hallowed ground
the ones under my command
they dare not make a sound
it's you alone who holds the key
you keep it far away from me
holding at the furthest degree
you will not come around

summer

the lawn mower's making
that lawn mower sound
of metal blades turning
around and around
all over the suburbs
that's all you hear
summer is near

the ice cream truck
is playing my song
the neighborhood children
are singing along
with sticks in their hand
and bare skin for sunning
summer is coming

          spring has come
          and so have I
          to stare into
          the open sky

the air is clear
and the sky is blue
it's almost here
and it's waiting for you
for once, you're happy
to be alive
summer has arrived