Hope for the future

Man, this is so hard. I don't feel like doing a fuckin' thing lately. I don't want to practice and I don't want to write and I don't want to meditate and I don't want to cook. I don't want to do anything that I'm supposed to do. But I do it any way because there's nothing else to do (laughs). I felt bad yesterday until I played myself out of my bad mood.

Do you have any idea why you feel this way, farmboy?

Well, I'm bored. This lockdown -- or whatever you want to call it -- has brought up all sorts of shit for me, but nothing serious. I'm mainly bored with doing the same things every single day, seven days a week. And it's up to me to change it. But I'm afraid to let any of it go.

You know, I walk in my apartment every night after midnight. And it's okay, and I get steps in, and it's a workout and everything, but I fuckin' dread it more each day. I've thought that I could change it to where I'm doing it during the day, but I'm afraid to change.,

It may not hurt to try. You can always go back to walking at night if it doesn't work out.

I might try it. We'll see how that goes.

This ain't a big deal, you know? I just don't want to ignore the goals that I had during the times that we weren't in a pandemic. Hopefully I won't get sick and die from this shit and hopefully there will be life after this. It may not go back to normal but life will continue.

That's true, farmboy. Every song that you play is, in a sense, a sign of hope that the world will be continuing.

Yeah. Thanks. I need to remember that. Same with walking and exercising and writing. It's all in the name of hope for the future. I need to continue doing those things.

This is going to sound like a cliche, but take one step at a time. One song at a time, one piece of writing at a time.

That's what I'm doing. I'm trying to not burn myself out. I'm betting that the future is coming and I'm saving up for it with my actions. It's not easy, but nothing ever is. I guess I'll keep on going.