Hallmark movie

if my life was a Hallmark movie
I would be at the part
where the hero is stuck
with nothing but bad luck
and the calvary comes in
if my life was a Hallmark movie
I would be at the scene
where the villain fails
and justice prevails
and everything's fine again

don't make me miss you (rewrite 5)

don't make me miss you
I was doing just fine
until your memory
took over my mind
today I decided
that I'm over you
but that's not true
don't make me miss you

don't tell me goodbye
I'm begging you please
it hurts my poor heart
when I'm down on my knees
there must be something
that I could do
to start anew
don't make me miss you

          wherever you are
          wherever you go
          you are the reason
          for the sorrow I know

My heart's been broken
more times than a few
but now there's no clue
don't make me miss you

          wherever you go
          wherever you are
          you are the reason
          for this pain in my heart

don't make me miss you
I've been doing okay
as long as your memory
stays out of my way
now I'm in mourning
for the love I once knew
I'm feeling so blue
don't make me miss you
what can I do
don't make me miss you

high hopes and low expectations

you ask me how I'm doing
I say I'm doing fine
sure, life has got it's problems
but these days I don't mind
I'm looking for true love
but I know what I'll find
I've got high hopes
and low expectations

don't make me miss you (rewrite 4)

don't make me miss you
I was doing just fine
until your memory
took over my mind
today I told myself
that I'm over you
but that's not true
don't make me miss you

don't tell me goodbye
I'm begging you please
it hurts my poor heart
when I'm down on my knees
I wish I could think of
something I could do
to start anew
don't make me miss you

          wherever you are
          wherever you go
          you are the reason
          for the heartbreak I know

I've had my heart broken
more times than a few
but this time there's no clue
don't make me miss you

          wherever you go
          wherever you are
          you are the reason
          for this pain in my heart

first cup of coffee

you are like the first cup of coffee
after a long night with no sleep
I'd have you here forever
your love is mine to keep

another day

I am in another day
waiting to feel alive
I've done everything I could
just trying to survive
I know this day is special
it's one-of-a-kind
I'm hoping that it's better
that the day I left behind

don't make me miss you (rewrite 3)

don't make me miss you
I was doing just fine
until your memory
took over my mind
I convinced myself
that I'm over you
but that's not true
don't make me miss you


don't tell me goodbye
I'm begging you please
it hurts my poor heart
when I'm down on my knees
I wish I could think of
something I could do
to start anew
don't make me miss you

          wherever you are
          wherever you've gone
          you are the reason
          for the journey I'm on

don't make me miss you
I don't need this right now
I'm going to get over you
I just don't know how
I've had my dreams shattered
I've known more than a few
but I still have no clue
don't make me miss you

don't make me miss you (rewrite 2)

don't make me miss you
I was doing just fine
until your memory
took over my mind
I thought I was
completely over you
but that's not true
don't make me miss you


don't tell me goodbye
I'm begging you please
it hurts my poor head
when I'm down on my knees
I wish I could think of
something I could do
and start anew
don't make me miss you

          wherever you are
          wherever you've gone
          you are the reason
          for the journey I'm on

don't make me miss you
I don't need this right now
I'm going to get over you
I just don't know how
I've had my dreams shattered
I've known more than a few
but I still have no clue
don't make me miss you

sometimes I want to fly

sometimes I want to fly
as far away as I can
from the chains and shackles
that tie me to this land
I'll be who I was meant to be
at peace with all I see
I know I have it inside of me
sometimes I want to fly
see the world from way up high
will you fly with me?

don't make me miss you (rewrite 1)

don't make me miss you
I was doing just fine
until your memory
took over my mind
I thought I was
completely over you
but your memory tells me
that just isn't true

don't make me miss you
I'm begging you please
it hurts my poor head
when I'm down on my knees
I know lying to myself
is my way of coping
but it kills me inside
when I start hoping

          wherever you are
          wherever you've gone
          you are the reason
          for the journey I'm on

don't make me miss you
I don't need this right now
I'm going to get over you
I just don't know how
I've heard that trouble
passes in time
don't make me miss you
I was doing just fine

don't make me miss you

don't make me miss you
I was doing just fine
until your memory
took over my mind
I thought I was
completely over you
but your memory tells me
that just isn't true

don't make me miss you
I'm begging you please
it hurts my poor head
when I'm down on my knees
I know lying to myself
is my way to cope
but it's killing me inside
when I try to hope

how good I had it

when I was a young man
I complained both night and day
I could have majored in college
in life not going my way
I complained so damn much
it turned into a habit
it never once occurred to me
just how good I had it

now I am an old man
most of my life has past
now I complain about
how long it's going to last
when will my life take off
I want it now, dangnabit
I still don't ever realise
just how good I have it

I threw a tantrum

I threw a tantrum
I didn't mean to
it came out of nowhere
or at least it seemed to
and there was yelling and screaming
and shaking my fists
with questions such as
"why do I exist
if I am going to be
treated like this this"
tell me why

I threw a tantrum
I was all by myself
cursing at God
getting no results
and the madder I got
the madder I became
and I went round and round
like some dumb children's game
knowing I'd pay the price
'cause I'm to blame
tell me why

          why am I throwing a tantrum like this
          just where is this getting me
          why am I throwing a tantrum like this
          what is it I can't see

I threw a tantrum
I couldn't take it no more
my memory's hurting
I can't open the door
but with some meditation
and a little Klonopin
I should be back
together again
until the next time
that it comes barging in
tell me why
tell me why

I threw a tantrum
there was nobody else
walking on eggshells
when I'm all by myself

I remember you (rewrite 1)

I remember you
I will always feel your kindness
coming through
the memories comfort me
they're all my heart can see
the tenderness that you and me once knew
I remember you

I remember love
I've always felt that 
there was not enough
but you changed my way of thinking
the nights of too much drinking
the times we spent singing, 
they just flew
I remember you

          I remember you
          with your melodies and the best of words
          I remember you
          our friendship said "do not disturb"

I remember all
even everything I thought
I couldn't recall
you meant so much to me
everything you are I see
I set my heart free like you used to do
I remember you
I remember you

on company time (rewrite 1)

up in the morning
out on the road
time to get to work
do just what you're told
don't matter to me
I'm gonna help myself
I need to feel happy
I got a little help

          boss makes a dollar
          I make a dime
          that's why I get high
          on company time

I don't got a union
to help me make it through
so it's a good thing I don't
give a shit what I do
my job's so fuckin' boring
I'm going berserk
so hand me my hash pipe
I'm going to work

          boss makes a dollar
          I make a dime
          that's why I get high
          on company time

you can judge me
as much as you want
but I'm having a good time
working at this restaurant
when I inhale
I'm finally free
from the shackles and chains
this job puts on me

          boss makes a dollar
          I make a dime
          that's why I get high
          on company time

time moves, but it doesn't

all my work is finished
but still there is no payoff
everything always remains the same
time moves, but it doesn't
where is my reward
for a job well done?
why must I always have nothing?
how have I sinned?
why am I being punished?
God only knows

in the moment

I decided to live in the moment
but the moment didn't want me
the past comes back to haunt me
the future is unknown
but I tried as hard as was needed
still the moment would not give
I've had all my life to live
and I still haven't found my home

wasted life

you have lived a wasted life
all you have done is spread your hate
now you have been discovered
now all you can do is await your fate

no words

there are no words
for the way I am feeling 
only images
of something broken 
can we have silence
there is no time
for outdated lies
that have been spoken
for hundreds of years
you witnessed the truth
and turned it into lies
like you always do
I keep my eyes open
I stand my ground
in my way, I am
attacking you

I remember you

I remember you
I will always feel your kindness
coming through
the memories comfort me
the moments that my heart could see
the tenderness that you and me once knew
I remember you

I remember love
I've always felt that 
there was not enough
but you changed my way of thinking
the hopeless mornings
the nights of solid drinking
the times we spent together, 
they just flew
I remember you

          I remember you
          with your melodies and the best of words
          I remember you
          our friendship grew with the words
          "do not disturb"

I remember all
even everything I thought
I couldn't recall
you meant so much to me
everything you are I see
that's what I always do
I remember you

I have to fuckin' force myself

Man oh man, I hate this. Every day is the same. I wake up, I get on the computer, I look at the news. There are some encouraging things, but you know the story. We're in fuckin' lockdown, I don't hardly get to go anywhere. On the plus side, I did go out and buy groceries yesterday. Now I have half & half for my coffee. It's the little things, you know?

You joke but it's true, farmboy. The little things are important. They all add up. You and your half & half and your practicing and your writing. It all adds up. I know you've been getting discouraged, but hang in there. It all adds up.

That's what I'm betting on. And this work I'm doing can't be for nothing, can it? I'm afraid to hear the answer. I've been working on being a songwriter for so long and look at me now. No audience, I hardly hear from musician friends, I'm not performing, and I've got all these new songs that nobody wants to hear...

Is that self pity I hear?

Maybe a little bit. But I feel so fuckin' isolated from the rest of the world, especially musically. I feel like there's nothing to look forward to, nothing to hope for. I've been depressed, but I've also thought that it's pretty natural for these times we're in.

Have you talked to your therapist lately?

Today, briefly. We had an appointment scheduled but we had to reschedule it because of technical difficulties. It's fine. It's actually better, as far as my life goes. This way I get to think a little bit about what I need to talk about. Today I was just going in blind.

I think you better tell him about the depression, farmboy.

I will. I've lost my desire to do the things I do, like practice and meditation and writing. I still do them, but I have to fuckin' force myself.

That's no good.

No, it's not. I don't want to hate playing or writing or meditating and there are times when I don't feel like doing any of it. There are times -- actually, it's pretty constant. And I hate that, because music is my salvation. Music is the reason why I'm here. But nobody wants to hear it and that depresses me. I'm working in a fuckin' vacuum here.

But you're working, farmboy, and that counts for something.

Man, that's what I'm hoping. I can't have all this work be in vain. I just can't.

when the morning comes

when the morning comes
I will be ready to go
just wake me up
and I'll be there in a hurry
let me get my shoes on
I want you to know
I will give you no
reason to worry
it's just you and me
and the open road
and a notion to ignore
all that we're told
at the end of the rainbow
there won't babe any gold
but at least we went on a journey

on company time

(thanks to Reddit)

wake up in the morning
get out on the road
time to get to work
do just what you're told
don't matter much to me
I'm gonna help myself
I need to feel happy
I got a little help

          boss makes a dollar
          I make a dime
          that's why I get high
          on company time

I don't got no union
to help get me through
it's a good thing I don't
give a shit what I do
my job is so boring
I'm going berserk
hand me that hash pipe
I'm going to work

          boss makes a dollar
          I make a dime
          that's why I get high
          on company time

you can judge me
as much as you want
but I'm having a good time
working at this restaurant
when I inhale
I'm finally free
from the shackles and chains
this job puts on me

          boss makes a dollar
          I make a dime
          that's why I get high
          on company time

isolated

I am isolated
there is no one here but me
no one I can talk to
no other eyes to see
this is just like yesterday
and the day before
I can't take it anymore

I need to see somebody else
but that need is unknown
I spend all day in solitude
in a jail cell I call home
if this is what's called loneliness
I have it to the core
I can't take it anymore

          somebody help me
          come be by my side
          misery surrounds me
          and there's no place left to hide

I am isolated
I know no one but myself
you don't know what I would give
to see somebody else
I keep on moving onward
but I don't know what for
I can't take it anymore

my best

today there are possibilities
that I won't even see
the wonders of the world
are there in front of me
but I am so sad
I can't even see them
those good words you tell me
I just can't believe them
so what can I do?
life's put me to the test
maybe all I can do
is to just do my best

I'm part of the fuckin' problem

I don't know what I'm gonna do, man. I don't want to do anything. The world -- the country -- is on fire and I'm not doing anything about it. I'm here at home under isolation because of COVID-19. I feel tremendously guilty. I know I should be out at a protest, but I don't know if it's wise to go. And even if I don't to a protest...well, I ain't doing nothing to help anybody. I'm part of the fuckin' problem.

You're being a little hard on yourself, aren't you, farmboy?

I don't know, man. I think about what I can do and there just isn't much. I don't have much money, but I can make small donations.

Have you written any songs about this?

No. I've tried, though, and it seems out of my realm. I don't know what to say. Maybe it's just time to listen and study for a while. That's what I'm feeling like.

I know exactly where I stand on all this stuff, the police brutality, the fuckin' Trump administration, all that shit. We have got to get him and his goons out of there. They're destroying this country. They're destroying human beings. He's got to be voted out.

There's a good chance he will be, considering his failure with the pandemic and...well, his failure in general. 

He's an evil man. That's all I know. And he's like a fuckin' cockroach, the way he doesn't go under.

That's partially because his fellow Republicans are too...how can I put this...

I don't know. They're all, maybe, too cowardly...or maybe they think there's nothing wrong with what he's doing. Or maybe they're just slaves of their stupid political party. Goddamn, I'm just a songwriter. 

You say that like songwriters aren't smart enough to know what's going on.

I know. And that's wrong. I have my opinions and there's no shame in expressing them. I just want to be sure what I'm expressing.

I can't breathe without you

I can't breathe without you
you were my child
you always will be
I can't breathe without you
if you're not here,
there is no me
a father shouldn't have to
bury his child
that's natural fact
the hardest thing is knowing
that nothing
I mean nothing
can bring you back

beyond the TV set

I spend the day online
I have nothing to do
so I spend each day obsessed by
what's happening in the news
and what's happening in the news
give you pause to wonder
I look at my country
and I see it's going under

so I don't make nothing happen
I just stay well-informed
but I never step out of place
I belong in the norm
but that kind of normal does nothing
no problem does it solved
but it still don't matter to me
I'd rather not get involved

          I keep waiting for good news to happen
          but it hasn't happened yet
          at least in the world that one sees
          beyond the TV set

worthy of you

I'm not confused
I'm just looking around
I want to be of service
but all of these
untrusted faces
they all make me nervous
I'm trying to do the best I can
in this mess that was made by man
what can I do
I just want to be worthy of you

my country is
torn between two sides
God knows it could use improving
our so-called leaders
have sold us out
most of them need removing
I'm doing the best that I can do
but I'm don't know if I can make it through
what can I do
I just want to be worthy of you

today's news

the stakes are rising
and I have no solution
except: stop killing

city on fire

my city is on fire tonight
I am safe inside my house
I've had the TV on
but this I can't figure out
there's a war downtown
police in and sides are drawn
you better be safe and sound
you better know which side you're on
my city is on fire tonight