Tuesday, November 29, 2022

stay in bed


the streets are paved in silver
the sky is cold and gray
the clouds are busy raining
and all I do is complain
I want sunshine and roses
to greet me when I wake
when I get up in winter
it's usually a mistake

          all I want is to stay in bed
          blankets to keep me warm   
          and pillows under my head

I need to turn on the heater
my apartment's getting cold
the warmth I felt in summer
has gotten way too old
autumn has forgotten me
and spring is far away
the nights have become longer
and I'm missing most of the day

          all I want is to stay in bed
          with the radio to listen to
          and books I've never read

you should come back and see me
like, seven months from now
I'll be feeling fine then
the sun will show me how
and then I will be happy
and, hopefully, safe and sound
maybe I'll even be ready
when next winter rolls around

          all I want is to stay in bed
          blankets to keep me warm
          and pillows under my head


Monday, November 28, 2022

out the window


I am staring out the window
to a place I once called home
before I grew up and wandered
off to the great unknown
there was so much to look at
so much to be aware
of all the places I've been to
nothing could compare


Sunday, November 27, 2022

pretending


I am pretending to be human
as much as I can
I'm pretending that I
grew up to be a man
with all my dreams unbroken
and all my faith intact
with my shoes untied
it's all just a balancing act

I am pretending I am happy
so you won't ever see
the frozen fear of silence
that I feel inside me
can you tell I'm lying?
can you tell I'm sad?
all I know is that in my life
I've never felt so bad


Saturday, November 26, 2022

while I walk


while I walk
from here to there
I will not be
unaware
I will watch out
for the signs
and all the pain
I've left behind


Friday, November 25, 2022

and so I wait (rewrite 2)


all my life
I've been learning to stand in line
begging for crumbs
that others have left behind
hoping that life
does not crush me in two
but now I'm done
I don't know what to do

          and so I wait
          for something I know is mine
          and so I wait
          for something I may never find

I have hoped
that the truth will set me free
all I have
are these lies inside of me
that were told to me
so very long ago
now I'm looking around
for something else to know

          and so I wait
          for something I've left behind
          and so I wait
          for something I may never find

someday I
will see what life can be
all the purpose
I hold inside of me
but till that day
all I can do is try
I do not want
life to pass me by

          and so I wait
          for something I know is mine
          and still I wait
          for something I may never find


Thursday, November 24, 2022

approaching speed


music plays in the background
but that's all I hear
all your nouns and verbs
will never meet my ears
melodies and harmonies
are all I really need
I will be ready
I'll be approaching speed


Wednesday, November 23, 2022

and so I wait (rewrite 1)


all my life
I've been learning to stand in line
begging for crumbs
that others have left behind
hoping that life
does not crush me in two
but now I'm done
I don't know what to do

          and so I wait
          for something I know is mine
          and so I wait
          for something I'll never find

I have hoped
that the truth will set me free
all I have
are these lies inside of me
that were told to me
so very long ago
now I'm looking around
for something else to know

          and so I wait
          for something I've left behind
          and so I wait
          for something I'll never find


Tuesday, November 22, 2022

so I wait


all my life
I've been learning to stand in line
begging for crumbs
that others have left behind
hoping that life
does not crush me in two
but now I'm done
I don't know what to do

          and so I wait
          for something I know is mine
          and so I wait
          for something I'll never find


Monday, November 21, 2022

haunted


lately I've been haunted
by the ghosts inside my soul
they threaten all my hidden thoughts
they crave complete control
they laugh at all my mistakes
they make me shiver inside
and they show no mercy
I have to run and hide

my whole life I've been haunted
by things I've never seen
moments of my childhood
dread inside of dreams
my ghosts, they know what hurts me
and they're not afraid to try
I fear my ghosts will be here
until the day I die


Sunday, November 20, 2022

nothing to say


you tell me you have nothing to say
well, I guess you'll say it anyway
you have so many words
inside your mouth
describing all the things I'm not
and they all add up to more than a lot
I am the latest project
you've been thinking about

when you have nothing to say
words still come out all night and day
you're not sure of the meaning
but still it enters your speech
and something about it still ain't right
it echoes on through the lonely night
while everything you need
is just out of reach


Saturday, November 19, 2022

your own sweet way


make a cup of coffee
good to start your day
you've shaved and you've showered
time to start your way
out in the big world
where strangers always rule
there's lots of information
that they don't teach in school

          you can do it
          you can make it through the day
          if you do everything
          your own sweet way

there's a ton of mistakes
wrong decisions that burn
but you must have problems
in order to learn
out in the big world
pain is inevitable
that's why your accomplishments
are so damn incredible

          you can do it
          no matter what they may say
          if you fight the demons
          in your own sweet way


Friday, November 18, 2022

nothing is going right


nothing is going right
just like so many times before
if there's a competition for fucking up
I should be keeping score
so many mistakes
so many failures
seem to come my way
I know my chance will never come
what more can I say?

everything is going wrong
all my work has been in vain
I'm outside with no protection
and I believe it's going to rain
so many disappointments
so many broken dreams
promises I'll never know
I have been a failure now
with not many miles to go


Thursday, November 17, 2022

early winter haiku


leaves line the sidewalk
bitter wind blows through these old bones
winter is early


Wednesday, November 16, 2022

sparrow flies


sparrow flies 
and all is good
sparrow owns the neighborhood
sparrow sees you
sitting there
but sparrow doesn't care

          sparrow
          fly away for me
          this earthly living
          won't let me be

sparrow flies
to an old oak tree
sparrow looks down
at the likes of me
what she thinks
is anyone's guess
all I know is 
she couldn't care less

          sparrow
          fly away for me
          teach me how
          to be free

sparrow flies
she speads her wings
sparrow lives
in the song she sings
sparrow rests
when day is through
sparrow carries
your hope for you


Tuesday, November 15, 2022

today I am afraid


today I am afraid
but I will not be for long
I know the difference between good and evil
the facts behind right and wrong
and I know that I have courage
I just need to find it here
and once I find it I will know
that it is the end of my fear

          I don't look behind 
          as much as I used to
          it takes work to find
          the courage within you


Monday, November 14, 2022

I will not waste my time


I will not waste my time
trying to be someone else
for better or worse
I'm going to be myself
wake up in the morning
glad to be alive
doing more that I need
I won't simply survive

I will not waste my time
doing the devil's work
thinking only of myself
and not the ones who are hurt
by endless trouble
by life's other side
I must learn to help others
this cannot be denied

I will not waste my time
I'll do what needs to be done
when the heart meets the mind
something special has begun
and I won't be a loser
I will do my very best
and then I'll let the spirit
do all the work that's left


Sunday, November 13, 2022

painting


like a painting hanging on the wall
I am an ornament for your life
with colors begging for your attention
and meant only for your eyes
am I meant to be in someone's bargain basement?
is Goodwill waiting for me?
it is so hard being in this painting
oh, how I yearn to be free

like a child I am talking to you
but you're the one who's in control
I have my questions and I'm waiting for your answers
I'm hidden deep within my soul
I don't think that I can love you
but it never hurts to ask
except for the rejection I will go through
after I've completed the task


Saturday, November 12, 2022

old man trouble


I do the same old thing
day after day
who's gonna do it
when I pass away
someone will have to
fill my shoes
while they sing that old
walkin' blues

          oh, Lord, 
          won't you set me free
          I've got old man trouble inside of me

I've lived a simple life
that's where I've been situated
how did everything get
so damn complicated
I know where I stand
I try my best
so why do I have
such little success

          oh, bad luck
          why can't you leave me be
          I've got old man trouble inside of me

          I've got no money in my pockets
          holes in both my shoes
          I always try to win
          so why then do I lose

I wake up every morning
wanting to stay in bed
take those old pillows
and put them over my head
let me fall back to sleep
away from the lion's den
and then you can wake me up
I'll start over again

          oh, Lord
          save me from this misery
          I've got old man trouble inside of me


Friday, November 11, 2022

I can't wake up


I can't wake up
no matter how I try
my eyes are not ready
to face the morning sky
my feet are cold
and this bed is so warm
I feel as if
I'm about to be born

I can't wake up
the news is so bad
if I stay here in bed
no news will be had
I'll dream peaceful dreams
with nothing at stake
maybe this afternoon
I will wake


Thursday, November 10, 2022

the other side


I have been waiting for so long now
I've forgotten what I was waiting for
a sense of silence
an empty house
an aching heart
and an open door
I don't want to be here anymore
I want to see the other side

everything that I hoped for
has passed another way
what made sense in the past
does not work today
I don't care what anyone has to say
I want to see the other side


Wednesday, November 9, 2022

I was sleeping


I dreamed that I was sleeping
I couldn't hardly breathe
and as much as I was trying
I just couldn't leave
my bed, and it was frightening
I'd soon had enough
and just when I thought I was a goner
I woke up

          why do these things
          always happen to me?
          all I'm looking for
          is a way to be free


Tuesday, November 8, 2022

run and hide


you were right
I was wrong
now we'll never
get along
you hurt my feelings
I have my pride
now I have to
run and hide

I did my best
but it's not enough
my shirt is torn
my shoes are scruffed 
my basic requests
have been denied
now I have to
run and hide

          run and hide
          back and forth
          our relationship
          has run its course
          run and hide
          forth and back
          my unstable heart
          is under attack

I was wrong
you were right
two ships passing
in the cold black night
I need someone
who's on my side
now I have to
run and hide


Monday, November 7, 2022

walking through the jungle


I went walking through the jungle
of my old neighborhood
looking for history
to show me its face
I should have remembered
I was up to no good
I did what I could
to finish the race

now where am I to go?
there's so many places
of which I don't know
I'll take a look around
before I make my choice
I'll think everything through
before I use my voice
can you help me?


Sunday, November 6, 2022

you're fine (rewrite 3)


stop for a second
maybe you'll find
a sense of silence
for once, in your mind
leave all your troubles
and worries behind
you're fine

take a deep breath
open your lungs
life is as good
as when you were young
all of your stars
now are aligned
you're fine

          maybe you're worried
          maybe you're blue
          maybe there's hope
          inside of you

rest for a minute
close your eyes
does a moment of peace
come as a surprise
your mind can be quiet
you know that it's time
you're fine

life can be hard
it ebbs and flows
here's something
you might want to know
you don't need to panic
you'll have peace of mind
you're fine
you don't need to panic
you'll have peace of mind
you're fine


Saturday, November 5, 2022

I won't start


I am trying to do two things at once
and it just isn't working
I cannot do anything and listen to you
at the same time
I remember all you've done
and the times that I spent hurting
you've taken every single thing
I describe as peace of mind

              I get older but I don't get smart
              I get the return of a broken heart
              this is ending and I won't start
              with you


Friday, November 4, 2022

you're fine (rewrite 2)


stop for a second
maybe you'll find
a moment of peace
for once, in your mind
leave all your troubles
and worries behind
you're fine

take a deep breath
open your lungs
living your life
is your native tongue
all of your stars
now are aligned
you're fine

          maybe you're worried
          maybe you're blue
          maybe there's hope
          inside of you

rest for a minute
close your eyes
does a moment of peace
come as a surprise
be kind to yourself
you know that it's time
you're fine

life can be hard
it ebbs and flows
there's something
you might want to know
you don't need to panic
you'll have peace of mind
you're fine
you don't need to panic
you'll have peace of mind
you're fine


Thursday, November 3, 2022

working past the butterflies


tell me that you love me
show me that you care
and I'll give to you everything
that I'm allowed to share
there are secrets in the echoes
that I always hear
and when I get close
they begin to disappear

please do not ignore me
I'm waiting patiently
working past the butterflies
that are inside of me
if you give me just a minute
I'll give you all of mine
I'm still waiting for that one true love
that I hope to find


Wednesday, November 2, 2022

you're fine (rewrite 1)


stop for a second
look around and find
a moment of peace
for once, in your mind
leave all your troubles
and worries behind
you're fine

take a deep breath
open your lungs
life is as good
as when you were young
all of your stars
now are aligned
you're fine

          maybe you're worried
          maybe you're blue
          but maybe there's hope
          inside of you

rest for a minute
close your eyes
does a moment of peace
come as a surprise
come out and play
you know that it's time
you're fine

life can be hard
it ebbs and flows
there's something
that you should know
you don't need to panic
you'll have peace of mind
you're fine
you don't need to panic
you'll have peace of mind
you're fine


Tuesday, November 1, 2022

my own man


don't tell me what to do
I have my own mind
I can make my own decisions
I no longer have the time
to follow your directions
to go the way you planned
I do not belong to you
I am my own man

I don't need to listen
to the words meant for me
I don't need to know you now
you are just a memory
that I no longer look at
that I try to understand
I am not a toy for you
I am my own man