I hate adventure

I'm so fuckin' scared, man.

What's wrong, farmboy?

Everything. I leave for California on Wednesday and I have to get ready. My landlord's coming over to look at the refrigerator, which has been making power-saw-like noises. And I have to renew my driver's license.

Sounds like real life to me, farmboy. Doesn't sound too bad. How are you getting to California?

The train. I thought I told you.

Maybe you did. Anyway, that sounds like fun. A real adventure.

I hate adventure.

No you don't.

What I hate is what my mind goes through. It's always chattering away: What if something goes wrong? What if there's a train wreck? What if I offend everybody just by existing? What if I fall and break my leg? What if I die?

Your mind needs some help, farmboy. It sounds like you might be...

My worst enemy?

Your worst enemy.

Is it too late to get a refund? Even an exchange?

Nope. You get to fix this one, farmboy.

Oh fuckin' joy.

You'll have help. You have good friends, good family. Listen to what they say and internalize it.

Uh...I'll try.

Use your brain for good. Have faith. Use faith. You have a world of help around you.

I know.

I know you know. You're a smart feller...

Thanks.

Which is better than being a fart smeller!

Jeez. Does your advice always have to come with a floor show?