Nothing ever fuckin' changes

I don't feel like fuckin' writing. I hate writing. I hate all this stuff where you don't see any sign of improvement. It's all for fuckin' nothing, man. All this fuckin' discipline that leads to nowhere. You keep writing, you keep exercising, you keep practicing, and it's all for fuckin' nothing. I've had it. There's no use in doing fuckin' anything. It's all frustration. That's all there is. There's no sign of improvement, nothing ever changes, everything always stays the same unless it's bad news trying to break down your front door.

I'm had enough. I'm giving up. There is no reason for this. From now on, I'm eating what I want, when I walk, and I'm not going to worry about walking or exercising or anything. Obviously nobody wants to hear my music. Obviously nobody wants me as their friend. So I'm always alone. I'm isolated from everybody in this apartment and nothing's going to change that. 

Nothing ever fuckin' changes. It's the same day, over and over. And I try to keep on hoping but it doesn't do any good. I gave up meditating -- it wasn't doing fuckin' anything but making me miserable. For over three years I did that shit with absolutely no results. So much for inner peace.

I want out of here. I want out of my life. I want things to change. I want there to be good news.

I am fuckin' hopeless.