not your prodigal son

when the wild winds blow
when the evening moans
that's when I'll be
coming home
my wandering days
are from from done
I am not your
prodigal son

Summer, as we know it

So I guess summer, as we know it, is coming to an end, man. I'm back at the fuckin' job, the kids come back Wednesday, the days are beginning to be shorter, and I can smell autumn in this Pacific Northwest air. Fuck, man, summer's just too fuckin' short.

I'm in total agreement with you, farmboy. Now, which states have you lived in?

I lived in Austin, Texas and Ventura County down in Southern California.

The northwest is different from those places. It's a lot grayer and wetter, for one thing...

Actually, that's two things, but who's counting?

I mean, it's very mild here for the most part. But the winters here are more pronounced than Texas and California. It can get colder and darker.

Yeah, well, there's nothing I can do about it. I'll just have to live with it.

I sure wish there was another month or two of summer, though.

last night, drunk and hungry

last night, drunk and hungry
like so many nights before
I found my hand a-knocking
on your apartment door

My last supper

Tomorrow, man, back to my fuckin' job. I am so depressed. I don't want to do anything, but I just wanted to say hi.

I'm glad you did, farmboy. What's up for tonight?

Potato chips, man. My last supper. My final meal.

Same old fuckin' same old

I only have a few days left before I have to go back to working at the school. I'm trying not to think too much about it. Man, the summer goes by so fuckin' fast. Feels like school just ended and now we're going back.

But let's not talk about that kind of stuff right now and let's focus on the gift of having just a few more precious days to waste. I have weed, I have groceries, I got rhythm. Who could ask for anything more?

So what are you going to do with those precious few days, farmboy? Do you have plans?

Not really. But I don't have to worry about my lack of activity. I mean, come Thursday I'll have to be back to the same old fuckin' same old. Back to having a regular paycheck, no matter how small it is.

...But let's not think about that now.

Fuck, no, man. The opportunity to do nothing is upon us.

opportunity knocks

opportunity knocks
but you do not answer the door
you just sleep past noon
like you always do
like all your days before
when you wake, opportunity's gone
on the road and moving on
searching for someone who wants to win
opportunity knocks
but you will not let it in

mailed to myself

went to UPS
with a package full of weed
mailed to myself

flew to northwest
sister-in-law picked me up
took me to get my truck

two long days later
the package of weed arrived
I was a happy man

it was worth the risk
I think

My hands worked well

So California was pretty good, man. It was very stressful at times, you know, with the money situation and all the rehearsals that I did with people for the gigs. But it was good and I made some money and at least I'll be able to pay the rent for next month. By then I'll be back at work for another fuckin' school year.

Did you have any fun, farmboy? I'm presuming that you got to spend time with friends and family, as well as performing.

Yeah, it was great seeing everybody, Spent a lot of time with my stepmother and my friend Jim, who sang harmony with me at some of the shows. He's a great harmony singer, the best.

The performances went really good. I played and sang really well and didn't have hardly any problem with the fuckin' carpel tunnel stuff. For the most part, my hands worked well. I related to the audiences well and I sang well. Fuck, man, it feels so good to do concerts of my own songs, you know? Not that I mind playing for kids or at farmers' markets, but...

But writing songs is what you you do, farmboy. It makes sense that you would get more meaning playing and singing your own compositions.

Yeah, man. I need to do that more. I need to find a way to do that. Or ways, which is probably more accurate. 

So, anyway, it was a good trip, and it really means something to know that I've basically made my living this summer playing music. It's been busy, performing and recording and writing. 'Course, it's also been hard and stressful, too.

When do you back to work?

A week from today, that's when I go back to the fuckin' job. But I ain't thinking about that much right now, man. I got better things to think about, you know?

Back from California

Hey, man, I'm back!

Back from California! How was the trip, farmboy?

It was very good. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, but, man, I'm so fuckin' tired. See you tomorrow, eh?

if for just one night

too much nervous
need a little peace of mind
if for just one night

I need no TV set
just a couple hits of reefer
and the ol' internet

relax recreate
the time will come for working
it always returns

but for now lay back
in the spring grass and let it
soothe your aching mind

Capable of good results

So today, man, today was a day, let me tell you. Got plane tickets for California. Recorded some basic tracks for the CD...

How was that, farmboy? Did it feel any better than the last time?

It did, yeah, thanks for asking. I was more relaxed, I was more focused. I sang well, generally. I felt more in control. I think I got some usable tracks. It's such fuckin' hard work, man. But it's worth it. The whole process is worth it.

So I feel good about the session. It's good to feel like I'm capable of good results. I mean, I feel like I'm just such a fuckin' loser all the time, and I'm so fuckin' sick of it. 

The same with being afraid. I'm tired of it. I've been afraid to drive in most circumstances...but there was this stuff going on Saturday, a farewell concert by some friends of mine who are moving to Berkeley and a barbecue with folks from the coffeehouse. And I normally wouldn't have gone, but...fuck, I'm tired of being bossed around by my own fears. So I drove and it was difficult but I'm glad I went.

And you're going to California later this week, right?

Yeah. I have such a hard time leaving. I freak out unless everything's planned and safe. Damn. I didn't want to end up like that in my life.

So I'm going and that's okay. I'll go and see people and play some shows and hopefully make some money that I can live on in September.

It seems better than last summer, farmboy.

It is, man. It's stressful and at times I panic and I'm miserable. But it ain't anywhere as bad as last summer. That's a blessing, man.

I found your nose

I found your nose
it was in my business again
I suppose
you think you're my best friend
telling me what I should do
about God knows what
and who knows who
but you don't even have a clue
I'm telling you

captive in cages

crazy old world
circus of angels and clowns
carnival of ages


held captive in cages
the fierce, courageous tiger
here to entertain you


a master to train you
to do as he commands 
to follow any word he might say


this is how I start my day

Fuckin' whatever, man

You know, I don't mean to say this in a negative way...


But...


I don't know why we keep going, we keep hoping, we keep fuckin' striving. 'Cause you know, man, it's all going to shit in the end.


Maybe it's because we secretly enjoy the hoping, going and striving. (pauses)  I don't know if I got the order right.


Yeah, I guess. Maybe we're hardwired. Whatever that means. Maybe a lot of us can't help it. Of course, you can always point to people that it didn't work for. Fuckin' whatever, man.


Why do I ask these questions?


Maybe you secretly enjoy it.


It feels more like I can't help it.