Saturday

Ah, Saturday! Time to take care of the many responsibilities a man like myself must face and conquer every day in order to survive in this dog-eat-dog world that we inhabit.

So you're washing clothes, I take it.

That's how I'm spending my Saturday, man. True love and life changes come and go, but there's always fuckin' laundry to do.

Welcome to real life, farmboy.

So much to fuckin' do, man. It astounds me how much shit you have to do just to live in this world.

It's called maintenance, farmboy. We all do it. Everyone brushes their teeth, eats, breathes. In a way, life is maintenance. That's what it's all about.

Well, that's certainly depressing. I was thinking about, oh, I don't know...writing a song, maybe? That's not maintenance

I think for you it is. That's one way you take care of yourself.

That's what I do, man. That's what comes naturally.

But wait a minute! If writing songs is maintenance, then that means I can stop washing clothes and doing chores and just write songs!

Not so fast, farmboy. Haven't you ever heard of multitasking?

I need all my concentration to write songs, man. That's my fuckin' process. You have to sacrifice for art, you know.

move forward

how can you move forward
if you're always looking behind
is it wise to exercise
your body and not your mind
how can you have two eyes to see
and live like you are blind
tell me, brother
before I cut in line

I suck at being me

I suck at being me

(That's all, just a song idea. I'm not depressed, really)

northern star

up in the slate-black sky
follow the stars
search through the night
I know the northern star
is shining for you
guiding you with its homeward light
sailors know
it'll take them home
when the light is in their gaze
but it's not taking you home
it's comforting you
as you drive those
blue highways

Bored

I'm bored.

You're bored? It's a big world out there, farmboy, and it's full of adventure and excitement!

Yeah, well, I'm stuck here at my fuckin' job, just waiting for the day to be over.

That seems like a waste of time. That's a whole day that you could be putting to good use.

Yeah, but...I'm at work, you know?

True, but you have control over your own mind and thoughts.

You sound like you're David Foster Wallace or something.

You like David Foster Wallace, don't you?

I do, but it sounds like you've memorized his Kenyon commencement speech.

It's a good speech.

It's a great speech. I've listened to it several times.

And do you put it to use, farmboy?

I have, actually. 

So, anyway, what were we talking about?

I have no idea.

Man, I am so fuckin' bored...

I bought Thai takeout

So I had my birthday yesterday.

How was it, farmboy? Did you have fun?

You know, it was okay. Not terribly exciting, but that's okay. I took the day off. I bought Thai takeout and bought too much at Amazon.

Really? That doesn't seem really like you.

Well, for once I could afford it, so I guess it's okay. I don't really get birthday presents much, so I guess I was feeling abandoned or something. Anyway, I guess it worked, 'cause I feel better.

Well, farmboy, happy birthday!

Thanks! Hey, I've got leftover pad see eu for supper!

that's what I do

I need to be alone
that's what I do
hiding out in the safety zone
that's what I do
close the windows
lock the doors
if you call me
I'll ignore
I'll erase your number
from my telephone
that's what I do

nobody is in this classroom

pull down the blinds
lock and block the door
turn off the lights
and pretend nobody
is in this classroom
maybe it's a drill
maybe it's a prank
maybe it's real
just pretend nobody
is in this classroom

car repairs and groceries

every penny I earn
every dollar I make
every paycheck I sign
somebody takes
there's phone bills
and gas bills
and doctor bills too
between car repairs and groceries
what are we supposed to do?

january second

it's january second
and back to work
but please hold back your tears
it's day in day out
the opposite of twist and shout
monday morning's here
it's the same old same old
searching for that pot of gold
brother, let me make this clear
there's a lot to do
if we're to make it through
this fuckin' brand new year

serenity now!

if you're looking for survival
wait no more for its arrival
look in the archive, I'll
show you the way
to peace, love, and serenity
boredom is our enemy
it's all a pure non-entity
which I shall not obey
okay?

everything changed

I was driving through the hills

to Santa Paula, California

when my body rebelled

and my mind split in two

I was not prepared

I was caught unaware 

there was no way on earth

I knew what to do

and everything changed

everything changed

it was so fuckin' strange 

how it all rearranged

everything changed

for me

I don't want to know

I don't want to know
all your history
I'd rather you be
a mystery
that I'd have to figure out
and I don't need to meet
your family
I don't want them
making plans for me
'cause you are what
my dreams are all about

don't worry about me

don't worry about me
really, I'm fine
I always slur my words
when I drink too much wine
and too much wine
is what I've drank tonight
don't worry about me
it's all good
I just feel out of place 
in this neighborhood
where it's understood 
hometown boy ain't right

It's about fuckin' time

Only a few more days, man, and then it's my birthday.

But you hate birthdays, farmboy.

Usually I do, but this year is different. I'm really looking forward to it this year.

And why, pray tell, is that?

Pray tell? Are we speaking formally now?

I'm just joking, farmboy. But seriously, I thought you hated birthdays.

I ain't too fond of them. But this year is different because I've got a four-day weekend. And I'm allowing myself to buy a brand new musical instrument.

Get out of here! I've never known of you to buy a new instrument.

I normally don't. But this year I'm going to, and, may I add, it's about fuckin' time.

Good for you, farmboy. What are you going to get?

I don't know yet, man. It's all about the hunt, you know?

starting over, 2nd verse

every question gone unanswered
every dream put on hold
all the chances never taken
every miracle I didn't watch unfold
every time I didn't say I love you
every time I denied my aching soul
it's safe to come out now
it's time to take control

starting over

all those letters I didn't write
all those opened cans of worms
all those apologies I never gave
all those lessons I never learned
wrap them up with a p.o. box
and mark do not return
soak with gas
and light the match 
and watch them burn, burn, burn

I'm starting over tomorrow 
I'm starting over right now

same old shit

wake up in the morning
first thought I have is
I can't wait for this day to be over
this weekend I'll be
happy and higher
but right now I feel sadder and lower
tomorrow I'll wake up to
the a whole new world
and living I won't mind a bit
but for now I'll pass
the next eight hours
doing the same old shit

Working for a living

Mornin', man.

Good morning to you, farmboy. This is pretty early for you to be up, isn't it?

Not really, no. It's just that I'm at work a little early so I thought I'd get in touch, as they say.

At least it's Thursday.

God, yes. I swear, this working for a living gets harder with every fuckin' day, you know? I can't fuckin' wait for Friday. And this has happened every fuckin' week since I started working years ago.

Well, as everybody always says, at least you have have a job.

I hate that. 

And with that, I gotta haul myself to the stupid job. But, you know, at least I have it, right?

So?

So I've been reading lately that it's not good to start your thoughts with the word so.

I've heard that also. Personally, I've got more important things to worry about than a word like so.

Yeah, it's so fuckin' stupid. I can't believe the things people get upset about. 

Well, farmboy, people will get upset at just about anything.

I know! It's fuckin' ridiculous. People just fuckin' love to be offended. I mean, I know I love getting offended. 

Some things are pretty offensive, you must admit.

Well, yeah, there's enough to be offended by. But you don't have to go looking for it.

Anyway, what were we talking about, man?
.
The word so.

What about it?

Some people don't like it.

Yeah, well...so?

a book

I have a book
it's on the shelf
and it tells me all I need to know
about myself
but I choose to ignore it
too much confusion
I'd rather continue
with my illusions

I don't want to live without

I don't want to think about
all the things I think about
when I wake up at 3 a.m.
I don't want to do without
all the stuff I can do without
with money I shouldn't spend
I don't want to scream and shout
'cause I know beyond all doubt
you're the girl I must pursue
'cause I don't want to live without
no, I don't want to live without
I don't want to live without you

the responsible student

if this was friday night
you would not be at home
you would be at your friend's
playing guitar and getting stoned
but tomorrow is school
and it's time to go home
and be the responsible student

language of the law

sun rises over Mohave
a million stars disappear
and where I'm driving feels like 
a million miles from here
so long California
sweetest place I ever saw
there's where I started running
from the language of the law

flash fiction #1

Charlie didn't know what to think, but he thought anyway. Charlie thought about how he always felt like he'd never grown up. And what's more, Charlie felt like he had not grown up in stages. One minute Charlie was a rage-filled rebellious teenager ready to hide a pistol in his jacket for tomorrow morning in homeroom. Another minute Charlie was a shy, scared boy, growing up in that fuckin' farm town in Central California, the kind of town where everybody's skin was some shade of earthy brown, just like his. Or Charlie was a freshman in college on New Year's Eve, drunk on Southern Comfort and Dr. Pepper and dreaming of what his life would be like in the future. Sometimes Charlie would be fumbling in some bedroom with some lady that his cousin Enrique had set up for him. She was a little old and sad in the eyes, but she had a sweet, round ass and small but pleasant tits.

There were several of these minutes, millions of them, all different, and now they added up to over sixty-some years of living, of surviving. Surviving like he was never really present anywhere he was because he was always feeling like himself at another time in life. And he didn't know what to think about any of it. All he knew is that he would like turkey on whole wheat and a side salad with that spicy low fat ginger dressing, please. And an unsweetened iced tea.

My all-time favorite guitarist, Ry Cooder

Three day weekend, man. 

Columbus Day?

Fuck, no. It's got something to do with money and and shit but I don't have a fuckin' idea of what it is for sure. I think it's got something to do where it's an unpaid day for us, of course. But at this point I am in desperate need of a three day weekend, so I ain't questioning anything.

Hey, did I tell you about the concert I went to? 

No, farmboy. Who'd you go hear?

My all-time favorite guitarist, Ry Cooder. With Ricky Skaggs and his wife Sharon White. All three were just fuckin' amazing, man. Cooper...fuck, he's just fuckin' fearless. They did lots of harmonies with Cooder singing bass and doing a damn fine job of it. Skaggs was wonderful. I've loved his music for a long time. Sharon was also great and her harmonies were exquisite.

Exquisite. That's not a word I hear you use often.

It well may be the first time I've ever used it, I don't know.

You know, it's good to hear that you're going out and doing things. Especially going to hear live music.

Yeah, I don't do that too often. I need to start taking advantage of living in a city, doing stuff like that.

Maybe you'll do something this weekend?

We'll see. 

a new dictionary

I need a new dictionary
to find the words for our love
I need a new dictionary
to find the words for our love
'cause ain't no way to describe
exactly what I'm thinking of

some say love's an emotion
but darlin', that's absurd
if they knew what we're thinking
they'd be so disturbed
they'd pull out a thesaurus
look for a different word
but our love ain't a noun
it's a big ol' action verb

I need a new dictionary...

some say love's an illusion
you never will forget
some say love's an excuse
for another cigarette
but let's talk in good english
and use fancy etiquette
you can be the subject
I'll be the predicate

I need a new dictionary...

my punctuation's awkward
verbs and nouns won't agree
my participle's dangling
somewhere below my knees
but me, I know my grammar
I know just what to do
hey, baby
I got a preposition for you

I need a new dictionary...

nothing left

don't be nervous
it's okay
look straight ahead
when you go away
there's nothing left 
for me to say
but you know I'm gonna say it
anyway

Christopher Columbus

Christopher Columbus
must have had
a great press agent
his publicist
was the best in town
'cause they've made him out
to be a hero
when he was just some 
asshole clown

I'm drowning here, another verse

anybody out there
are you listening
soon I'll be counted
among the missing
people of the jury
your judge
your honor
if you don't help me
I'm a goner
I don't understand, man
can't you hear?
I am not waving
I'm drowning here

I'm drowning here

I've got my hand up
the ocean's rising
nothing but water
on the far horizon
I'm yelling at you
can you hear me?
the sea is swiftly
heading near me
I see you smiling
am I not clear?
I am not waving
I'm drowning here

Whatever my over-active mind can come up with

So, man, I've been stressed all day. and it's Saturday! What a fuckin' waste.

So, farmboy, what's stressing you out?

Whatever my over-active mind can come up with. I'm not being social. I should eat better. I should write, I should, I should...

Never mind what you should. What do you want?

I want to take drugs and eat fast food and drink nothing but coffee. I want to lay around and jerk off and watch internet porn. All the normal stuff.

But, really, I just want to not feel like I have to do things I don't feel like doing. I do things I don't want to do all week.

So just do what you want to do, farmboy.

But I don't know what I want to do!

So just start something and see if it fits.

You start sentences with the word so a lot.

Just do something!

Okay, I will!

But I won't enjoy it.

for shawn

I used to play your records
to find out what I could be
little did I know
I was bound for obscurity 

sam

my landlord had two dogs
one black
one white
and both named sam