make us money

I am becoming used
to the fact that I'm not needed
it's a sad, sad fact
but unfortunately it's true
it's a opinion that I see
often times repeated
in most words and actions
they're really saying
fuck you

          unless you can make us money
          unless you can make us money
          you may think I'm being funny
          but it's the god-forsaken truth
          can you make us money?
          hey, we really need more money
          let me ask you, buddy
          are you someone we can use

I wake every morning
to work for those who feel entitled
they treat me like I'm worthless
and I don't put up a fight
at least five days a week
I wake up feeling suicidal
but it doesn't really matter
'cause deep down I know they're right

          unless I can make them money
          unless I can make them money
          I'm just a nobody
          who just doesn't have a clue
          they say can you make us money
          we need to have a lot of money
          let me ask you, sonny
          are you someone we can use

go outside

fuck the phone
fuck e-mail
I know justice will prevail 
I'm gonna go outside

till the cows come home

I'm gonna love you
till the cows come home
I'm gonna rock you
like a rolling stone
I'm gonna lick you
like an ice cream cone
I'm gonna love you 
till the cows come home

hey sugar
you're the one for me
don't mean maybe
baby, can't you see
I'm gonna go over you
like a fine tooth comb
I'm gonna love you 
till the cows come home 

one farmboy (finished rough draft 1)

maybe it's me
maybe I'm unlucky
but it's plain to see
everyone is fucking
in this no-tell hotel
except for me
oh, how lonesome 
can one farmboy be

why did I leave
Tollerton, Alberta
in New York City
everyone is hurtin'
and I know damn well
that I'm the next in line
oh, how much trouble
can one farmboy find

          it's so damn sad
          it's so damn lonely
          it's too damn bad
          I'm the one and only
          man who's life 
          is overripe baloney
          compared to everybody else's

one night I met
this waitress down at MOMA
she loved me so rough
nearly slipped into a coma
then she grabbed my car keys
and my wallet too
oh dear Lord
what can one farmboy do

            these streets ain't proud

           they're overrun with strangers

           who talk too loud

           and their eyes are filled with danger

           it's a big damn crowd

           no reason I should stay here

           and continue all my bellyaching 

I can't stay
it's expensive in Manhattan
papa, start cooking
it's time to grill the fattened
calf and welcome 
your prodigal son back home
oh, no more
will one farmboy roam
look out folks
one farmboy's coming home

one farmboy (new possible bridge)

these streets ain't safe
they're overrun with strangers
the skies are gray
and the clouds are filled with danger
it ain't okay
there's no reason I should stay here
and continue bellyaching 

A new idea

Hey, I've got a new idea for a song, man.

I'm glad for you, farmboy. What is it?

Well, I don't like talking about ideas before I write them, but since I told you I have a new idea I can tell you.

I'm all ears.

I was thinking it would be nice to write a song that would be a conversation between my subconscious and my...

Conscious?

Uh...yeah.

Anyway, I thought it would be a good thing to do. Even if I don't use it, it would be instructional.

I look forward to hearing it.

Me too, man. I fuckin' love new songs.

one farmboy (new verse)

one night I met
this waitress down at MOMA
she loved me so rough
nearly slipped into a coma
then she grabbed my car keys
and my wallet too
oh dear Lord
what can one farmboy do

outside

I wish I could go outside
like all the real children
I see outside my window
I watch on my TV

one farmboy, possible bridge

it's no damn fun
it's so damn tough, man
when you're no number one
like that actor Dustin Hoffman
well, I ain't done
but I believe I've had enough, man
of everybody's bellyaching

one farmboy

maybe it's me
maybe I'm unlucky
but it's plain to see
everyone is fucking
in this no-tell hotel
except for me
oh, how lonesome 
can one farmboy be

why did I leave
Tollerton, Alberta
in New York City
everyone is hurtin'
and I'm damn well sure
I'm the next in line
oh, how much trouble
can one farmboy find

          it's so damn sad
          it's so damn lonely
          it's too damn bad
          I'm the one and only
          man whose life
          is overripe baloney
          compared to everybody else's

I can't stay
it's expensive in Manhattan
papa, start cooking
it's time to grill the fattened
calf and welcome 
your prodigal son back home
oh, how could one farmboy
feel so all alone

in the pokey, in the hoosegow

in the pokey
in the hoosegow
that's where you're gonna get
gonna get stashed
'cause you're one of those mustache charlies
walking that walk
and talking that trash
well, let me say
on my own behalf
there are lessons you should have learned

in the pokey
in the hoosegow
that's where you're gonna get
gonna get jailed
'cause you're one of those downtown daddies
wasting your time
by chasing that tail
this time the long arm
of the law will prevail
and you're gonna get your fool ass burned

           'cause in the pokey
           in the hoosegow
           they ain't gonna 
           set you loose now
           man, you really
           cooked your goose now
           but it's gonna taste like eating crow

in the pokey
in the hoosegow
that's where you're gonna call
gonna call home
'cause you act all hoity-toity
driving over forty
in the caution zone
c'mon, hang up 
your fuckin' phone
and look me in the eyes

state of shock 2

I've been to Maine and Nebraska
Alaska and Montana
South Dakota, North Dakota
New York and Indiana
I've been around this big ol' country
walked the walk and talked the talk
but I've never seen nothing
like living in the state of shock

state of shock

I need to breathe
but I've forgotten how
my lungs and diaphragm
are failing me now
I'm serious as stone
and resistant as a rock
and living in the state of shock

doctor doctor (possible bridge)

it just ain't fair
it just ain't right
to be all alone
on a Saturday night
it ain't right
it ain't fair
to need someone
who isn't there

doctor doctor

doctor doctor
I need you to help me
nothing's working
the way it should
my heart ain't beating
the way it ought to
and I believe
it's up to no good

doctor doctor
I need an appointment
there's an emergency
right here at home
I've got this loneliness
deep down inside me
and it won't leave me alone

take me home

if I can hold on
if I can make it through
if I can find
my way back to you
would you still love me
like you used to do
I am tired
take me home

if you are listening
if you can hear my voice
you could answer
it's your choice
a patch of peace
in a nation of noise
I am weary
take me home

Let's call him Gabriel

Three day weekend, day two. Right now I'm washing clothes and wondering if I want groceries badly enough to wait for the bus in the rain. What do you think, man?

The question is, farmboy, what do you think?

I say stay in and watch videos and order pizza. But, you know, the angel on my shoulder -- let's call him Gabriel -- says no, I've been eating too much bad food lately and that I should go to the market and buy something that's fuckin' healthy.

I don't know, farmboy. It is a three-day weekend and it is raining out there. I would take advantage of it while you can.

Well, if it stops raining, maybe I will. Meanwhile, the mystery remains and the tension mounts.

It's like a movie!

Hopefully, comedy will have ensue. Ensue? Is that a word?

Canadian comedian

she sailed the Caribbean
with a Canadian comedian
they searched for the Dominican republic

this town's

this town's a little piece of heaven
plaid pantries and 7-11s
but it's nowhere if you're up and revving
to go
this town's got streets of hot back tar
doors in bars and stolen cars
one-star movies with d-list stars
at the discount picture show

migraine

I don't care about your fuckin' migraine
I don't need to know every thought in your head

equal sign

let me be here
by your side
I don't like separate lines
I don't need
to walk ahead
but I will not walk behind
you and me
we both bleed blood
think with hearts and minds
the only thing 
between us
should be 
an equal sign

adopted

I'm an old old man
and the time has come
and I'd like to be uncorrupted
I'm an old old man
I like my fun
I need to be adopted

miserable pathetic life

I know the reasons
for all of the problems
in my miserable pathetic life
I don't need excuses
'cause I've got proof
why nothing turns out right
it's not that I'm bad
it's not that I'm stupid
or my clouds don't have silver linings
no, all of the reasons
for all of the problems
is nothing but lousy timing

I ain't no doctor

So things have not been going well for a while and I went to the doctor who prescribed my old friend Clonazepam for anxiety and Friday afternoon I started seeing a counselor.

You're taking some positive steps, farmboy.

Thanks, man.

How do you think the counseling went?

It went well for a first visit. We talked bout the fuckin' job, medications, how some of my, uh, behaviors (my word, not his) are similar to the, uh, symptoms of bipolar disorder. Or something like that. Which is interesting. I listened to this Stuff You Should Know podcast about the bipolar stuff I should know and there are a lot of similarities. But I really don't think I should be self-diagnosing. I mean, I ain't no doctor, you know? But I am gonna talk to my doctor about this because there are medications for bipolar disorder things.

Which...could be helpful?

I don't know. I don't know, really, about any of this. Just what I heard from my counselor and a podcast, that's all. I suppose I'll consult Wikipedia at some point. (laughs)

Let me know what's going on, farmboy. Keep me in the loop...

...as they say...

...as they say. I've been concerned lately, farmboy. I'm glad to hear that you're getting help. Some place around your school?

Just a few blocks away, man. Right by the McDonald's and a cool dispensary to buy weed at. This is just fuckin' meant to be, dude.

I'm gonna tell my therapist on you

you better be nice, baby
or this is what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna tell my therapist on you

hurt people hurt people

hurt people hurt people

that's what hurt people do

remember that

when someone's hurting you

Now, that's not exactly what I want to say, but it's something like that. 

Where did phrase come from, farmboy?

You know, it was on some fuckin' thread on Reddit or something. Yeah, Reddit. I think it was about what did anyone ever say to you that changed your life. Pretty good thread, actually. I hope I upvoted it.

day begins

day begins
with a sky blue as the ocean
all my tried-and-true emotions
are changing

hitchcock blonde

she doesn't want a husband
she doesn't want children
she's a hitchcock blonde
she looks like tippi hedren
in that scene in the birds
when she's attacked in her room
by a flock of I-don't-know-what
leading to her doom
but this ain't no movie
and there's nothing flying
but there's danger here
and there's no denying
that it's picking on
a hitchcock blonde

box marked fragile 3

I am a box marked fragile
I am sitting on your porch
I am ready to be opened
it's cold here in the rain
now, I don't mean to complain
but this is not what I was hoping

masking tape isn't holding
I packed too many memories
higher than you can count
if you let me in the door
I won't need them anymore
you can help me throw them out

       I can be strong
       I know I can
       I just need a little help
       this box contains
       a broken man
       who's trying to save himself

I am a box marked fragile
my destination is
to your open arms
I don't know how you feel
but I'm the real deal
honey, I ain't no false alarm

          I can be strong
          I know I will
          I just need a gentle hand
          to hold me up until
          I get the strength to stand

I am a box marked fragile
I am all beaten up
battered through and through
but if you take me in
the healing can begin
and I'll be good as new
I'll be good as new

box marked fragile 2

I am a box marked fragile
I am sitting on your porch
ready to be opened
it's cold here in the rain
now, I don't mean to complain
but this is not what I was hoping

this duct tape isn't holding
I packed all these memories
so many you can't count them
if you open up your door
I won't need them anymore
help me throw them out

       I can be strong
       I know I can
       I just need a little help
       this box contains
       a broken man
       help him save himself

I am a box marked fragile
my destination is
to your open arms
I don't know how you feel
but I'm the real deal
honey, I ain't no false alarm

          I can be strong
          I know I will
          I just need a trusting hand
          to help me up until
          I get the strength to stand

I am a box marked fragile
I am all beaten up
battered through and through
but once you let me in
the healing can begin
and I'll be good as new
I'll be good as new

I don't know what it will be, but it will be

I can't get something with my computer right, so let me tell you what I'm rewriting in this new song. First off, that line about "I am arriving..." is gonna change to "I am sitting on your porch."

Nice change, farmboy.

Thanks. I like it.

That whole "I packed too many memories/so many you can't count" needs to be changed. I don't like having a word like "many" used twice. I don't know what it will be, but it will be.

Changed?

Changed, yeah.

Okay, one more. "I know how you must feel," well, I don't like that either. That's gotta change to, I don't know, "I don't know how you feel." Something like that.

I like where this is going, farmboy.

It feels so fuckin' good to be on the way of completing a song, man. I love getting songs.

box marked fragile (complete first draft)

I am a box marked fragile
I am arriving at your door
I am waiting to be opened
it's cold and dark and raining
I don't mean to be complaining
but this is not what I was hoping

this duct tape isn't holding
I packed too many memories
so many you can't count
if you open up your door
I won't need them anymore
you could help me throw them out

       I can be strong
       I know I can
       I just need a little help
       this box contains
       a broken man
       help me save myself

I am a box marked fragile
my final destination
is to your open arms
I know how you must feel
but I'm the real deal
honey, I ain't no false alarm

I've got a map and compass
they're both inside my heart
and it's their job to lead me home
but, oh, the damage I can do
on my way to finding you
I've never felt so all alone

       I can be strong
       I know I will
       but I need a helping hand
       to help me up until
       I get the strength to stand

I am a box marked fragile
I am all beaten up
battered through and through
but if you take me in
the healing can begin
and I'll be good as new
I'll be good as new

box marked fragile (another new verse)

I am a box marked fragile
I'm ready for my journey
to your open arms
I know how you must feel
but I'm the real deal
honey, I ain't no false alarm

box marked fragile (new verse)

I've got a map and compass
they're both inside my heart
and it's their job to lead me home
and, ah, the damage I can do
on my way to finding you
I've never felt more alone

I miss Christmas

I miss Christmas
when I was a child
when the world could be changed
by freshly fallen snow
back when
daydreams grew wild
and my little town
was the only world I could know