Saturday, July 22, 2017

I'm not believing in myself like I should

farmboy! It's been ages since I've heard from you!

Yeah, I know, man, I'm sorry. I've had emotional problems -- big, major emotional problems.

About what?

Mainly anger, I guess. I don't handle bad news well and I got some really bad news -- which I don't really want to get into -- and I, let's say, had a setback. I ended up being glue for myself, in that my job was to simply keep myself together. Which I did. It's the one victory.

That's quite a victory, actually.

It is. Thank you.

I didn't do any self-harm. That's the most important thing. My eating and exercise went to fuckin' hell and I smoked a lot of weed. I mean, there's some self-harm there, to be sure, but not like taking your wooden cane and beating yourself over the head with it.

That's really dangerous, farmboy.

I know. I talked to my therapist about it. That was another thing. He was on vacation when this all happened.

That's hard.

Yes it is. It was a relief when he came back. 

So I'm working on getting back on my feet, in a way. It's slow and frustrating and I'm not believing in myself like I should. I'm, like, super fragile. Really, really vulnerable.

But I'm, you know, playing guitar and getting back into exercise and doing stuff on the banjo. Someday I'll actually have enough concentration to read a book or watch a movie.

You're working at it, farmboy. Let me know if I can help.

I will, man. You've helped already.

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