Blessedly uneventful

Hey, man, so what's going on? Been doing anything exciting?

Just the everyday pleasure of living, farmboy. How about yourself?

About  the same. Life seems to be blessedly uneventful, which is generally what I like. Going to work, coming home, living for the weekend. Been writing a lot. I've got a lot of stuff to look over to see if there's anything I want to work on next.

Any ideas? 

Ah, man, there's a zillion fuckin' ideas, you know? I'd like to learn how to play that fingerpicking African guitar. That's gonna take a lot of practice, but it might be doable because so much of it would be like learning bluegrass banjo rolls. It's really different from the Western style of playing. It's delicate and beautiful. It's fuckin' magical, man.

But then, I want to play banjo and write some piano songs and work on that ragtime/blues guitar style. But I've never been good at dictating what direction of music I'm going to follow. I mainly follow instincts a lot. That's what I've learned.

Plus, you know, I think about writing essays and stories and sometimes I want to try to see what I can express in visual art. I'm way more hearing-oriented.

Sounds exciting.

The only thing that's ever for sure, though, is that I'll always be writing songs. That will always be my number one priority.


Doesn't surprise me, farmboy.

Me neither, man. Not at all.

every day

every day I try
every day I fail
every day I wait
for the truth to prevail
I am walking like a hobo
on the railroad track of time
and time is running out

every day I stand up
every day I'm knocked down
in a turbulent tug-of-war
between the hopeless and the sound
I am fighting like a boxer
I am both dog and man
but time is running out

I still don't know
what I'm really all about
I'm just looking at the wreckage
through the eyes of self-defense
man, I'm still trying to make some sense

hunter's moon

stand at your bedroom window
half past midnight
baby, our escape
will be coming soon
don't make a sound
and everything will be all right
I will see you
by the light of the hunter's moon

in my next life

dear God
I hope
you're listenin' to me
you know that
it's always
been Christian for me
I know when I die
I'll go to a higher place
where hillbilly angels
sing amazing grace
but let me ask you this
just in case
reincarnation is true

in my next life
can I be better looking
than that guy in the mirror
I've been seeing all these years
in my next life
can I have better bookings
and maybe just a smidgen
of a musical career
I don't ask for much
you gotta admit
I just want what follows
to be better than this shit
in my next life
in my next life
make me a bona-fide hit!

heart beat

I feel my heart beat
up and down
left and right
every day 
and every night
I feel my heart beat
for you

saturday

out in the evening
the way normal people do
on saturday night

showered up and shaven
heading to go out the door
off to see my friends

I hope this is fun
I hope that I am not so shy

I wanna stay home

The spaghetti system of songwriting

How's the writing going, farmboy?

Pretty good. You know, I've been on a writing discipline for a few years now. And for a while that discipline has been writing everyday. I feel like I'm getting to know writing better, not only on the craft level but also on kind of a getting-out-of-my-own-way level.

You're talking about inspiration?

Yeah. Some people call it "the muse," but that sounds pretentious to me. All I know is instinct, which I've always had as a close collaborator. Which is among other close collaborators like my guitar and rhyme and melody and harmony…

You talk about them like they're other people, farmboy. 

That's what it feels like, man.

But, really, they're all you.

No, no, I don't think so, dude. It's all such a mystery to me. I don't know for sure where any of this comes from but there's a big spiritual element in it. But I don't know how to define it. I don't know if I want to describe it, you know? It's a feeling, it's what I fuckin' do.

And I am very, very thankful for that.

As you should be.

I am.

Have you been writing a lot?

A good amount. I've got songs I'm working on and I'm actively writing new stuff a lot so I can see if anything sticks. It's kind of like the spaghetti system of songwriting.

Spaghetti?

Yeah, man, you know how you test the spaghetti to see if it's done by throwing it on the wall to see if it sticks.

I've never heard of that, farmboy. Should I try it? Does it work?

You know, now that I  think about it, I've never done it.

how to fall in love

I learned how to cuss
and I learned how to fight
and how to raise hell
on a saturday night
I learned a whole mess of things
but it ain't enough
'cause I never learned
how to fall in love

I learned how to gamble
and I learned how to drink
I learned everything
plus the kitchen sink
I learned to spend money
I learned to buy stuff
but I never learned
how to fall in love

I need someone to reach me
maybe you could teach me
I sure would appreciate
an education

(to be continued…)

you are not on the titanic

this is not an emergency
this is no time to panic
it's the time when you tell yourself
everything will be okay
it is not of utmost urgency
you are not on the titanic
it's time to do what must be done
and then be on your way

this is not life-or-death
this is not a time for drama
it's the time to see clearly
all that you must do
take a deep breath
no need for booze or marijuana
you are riding on the glory train
and you're out to spread the news

sweet mercy

I worked so hard to free
myself from you 
and now here I am again
begging for sweet mercy
and needing a broken heart
to mend

bullet

I am a bullet
in the barrel of
a lawman's gun
and I am
waiting for you

all I know

all I know
is what I see
and all I see
is you

let's pretend (verse two)

let's pretend
that I'm getting old
what wisdom would I impart?
I'd just shake my head
and share my sorrow
with a sad and a lonesome heart

let's pretend

lets pretend
I might die someday
what would I leave behind?
a suitcase of songs
and a truckload of dreams
that ended up robbing me blind

like I'm worth it (verse 2/bridge)

love me
when I'm in disguise
a stranger
on a stage
love me
like I'm a sunrise
immune
to old age

and I will love you completely
I will love you so sweetly
maybe someday you'll meet me
maybe someday you won't

drugs

I am good at taking drugs

prescription drugs, that is

Life is good

Man, I am so fuckin' sorry. I haven't called you in the past few days, I haven't been calling anybody. Well, okay, I did call my older brother in California, had a good conversation. I made a couple of calls trying to get some weed.

Did you find any, farmboy?

I'm waiting for a friend of mine to deliver some. I love the idea of weed delivery. 

So, what kind of week have you been having? Write any new songs? Listen to anything good?

I've been writing a whole lot, man. I think some of it is good, too. I hope to maybe finish a song this weekend. It feels so fuckin' good to have new stuff to play, you know?

I've been listening to music a lot more than I have been lately. Louis Armstrong, Father John Misty, Sufjan Stevens. Pretty fuckin' cool stuff. I like listening to music again. I haven't been and it feels good. 

I also listened to Billie Holiday on the radio. It was, like, the 100th anniversary of her birth. I love her. What an amazing singer.

It sounds like life is going pretty good, farmboy.

It's been nice. I've been eating better for a while now, so I'm feeling more energy. That, plus it's springtime and it's sunny and warm and there's lots of color. And it's Friday! Life is good.

I can tell. It's good to see you feeling like this, farmboy.

Fuck, man, it's good to feel like this, you know?

normal

I thank God 
for how normal I am
'cause if I wasn't normal
I'd be so upset
I didn't know
how normal I was
until I discovered
the internet

you wouldn't believe
the sickos out there
(I know I'm being judgmental
but I don't care)
all shapes and sizes
everything that I see
is trying to sell
something to me

don't fuck with me

don't fuck with me
don't make me say things
that I'll regret
you know how easily
I get upset
when I'm upset
with you

second hand heart

I got a second hand heart
it's already been used
but if you give it care
it'll work like new

like I'm worth it

love me 
like I'm worth it
love me
like I'm somebody else
I know I
don't deserve it
when I'm being
myself

you are walking (possible bridge)

it isn't right
what you must do
in the day-after-day
of making it through
it isn't right
all the trouble you're in
for no reason but
the shade of your skin

you are walking

you are walking
on the wrong side of town
late at night
with an bone-dry gasoline can
you are walking
take a good look around
silent as a soldier
following commands

a little bit faster now
a little less noise
you can be a bastard now
if you have to make the choice

you didn't think,
driving in this morning.
to fill up the tank
the way you should
if you had listened 
to your father's warning
you wouldn't find yourself
in this neighborhood

a little more quiet now
be careful where you move
go ahead and try it now
the night will improve

outside

I want to hear crickets
I need a big open sky
I dream of zebras and mountain goats
while life passes me by
I don't want to be afraid 
I have no reason to hide
I want to spend the best 
of the rest of my days
outside

I'm tired of my apartment
I don't want to go home
I need to know what I do
when I face the unknown
I'll continue this journey
with my heart as my guide
I want the concrete to meet
my bare feet when I walk
outside

if you can't find me
don't get bent out of shape
I'm doing my research
I'm planning my escape
to reclaim the dreams
I once thought had died
I'm finished with talking
I'm walking the world
outside

The first golden era of podcasting

So today I listened to music, which I mention because listening to music is something I haven't been doing much of lately. 

Why haven't you been listening to music, farmboy? That seems a little strange to me. But I'm not a musician…

I don't know what it is. I mean, I play guitar, I sing. Those things feel good. But hardly any music, at least these past few weeks. So fuckin' weird, man. I just keep listening to people yakking away on podcasts.

There are a lot of good podcasts out there. Too many for me to keep up with, in fact.

I know! I think this is a great time for podcasting, because I feel like it's coming into its own. Do you know what I mean?

Umm…explain further, please.

This is, like, the first golden era of podcasting. All these stories, all these great audio journalists. Fuckin' amazing, man.

So, farmboy…what music did you listen to?

I Love You Honeybear by Father John Misty. Intriguing lyrics, very produced music but very produced with a purpose. Good voice, good melodies. I'm going to go see him perform on Memorial Day weekend.

Very good. I think it would be good for you to go out and see more shows.

It's looking for inspiration, man. It's the never-ending search. Live shows can be very inspirational. Music in general can be very inspirational.

So can podcasts.

Yeah, that seems to be where the best storytelling is going on, at least in my world. And that can be inspiring. And that can become songs. And that's what everything comes down to, right?

good intentions

I've witnessed the danger
done in the name
of good intentions

oxygen dances

oxygen dances
in your lungs and your bloodstream
mixing with the drugs

go to bed

breathe easy
you are tired
you are hurting
you are stressed
go to bed 
inspired
knowing you have 
done your best
tomorrow
waits ahead
with its dark
and troubled skies
but right now
go to bed
just lie down
and close your eyes

Of resurrection, of rebirth

Hey, happy Easter, man.

Happy Easter yourself, farmboy. How are you spending this wonderful holiday?

I'm at home. I'm actually making an Easter dinner for myself. Nothing fancy, you know, but more than I normally make.

What are you having?

Baked chicken, roasted sweet peppers with carrots and onion, and brown rice. No dessert. Diet Pepsi, which is a real treat for me.

I like Easter. I like the whole spiritual thing of resurrection. I think it's fuckin' beautiful, man. Seriously.

I believe you, farmboy. I think it's beautiful, too,

Great minds think alike.

I like the idea of resurrection, of rebirth. What it means with Jesus, of course, but also as a metaphor for a whole mess of things in our lives. 

Sounds like a song lyric to me.

Well, if it isn't, then it damn well should be, you know? I don't know if I'm equipped to write it, if I've been through enough.

It would be interesting for you to try.

Yeah, yeah, I notice the "you" in there. Why don't you try writing it?

Because I'm not a songwriter. You're the songwriter, farmboy.

Well, okay, maybe someday I'll write what I can about birth and death and resurrection. But it damn well better have a good beat and I better be able to dance to it, man.

plant a seed (possible bridge)

look at all 
the crops you're growing
all because 
of the seeds you're sowing
fruits and veggies 
for more juice
look at all
those acres of fresh produce

plant a seed, rough draft

pull the weeds
push the dirt
toil the soil
it's hard work
find the shovel
dig the hole
fetch some water
bless your soul
go perform a earthly deed
plant a seed

growing up
making roots
little plant
ain't it cute?
give it sun
give it water
raise it up 
like you oughta
satisfaction guaranteed
plant a seed

watermelon
rutabaga
scalloped, baked,
or mashed potata
rhubarb
cherry
apple pie
avocado
my, my, my
lots of hungry mouths to feed
plant a seed

evidence

I used to think I was a lowlife loser
I once believed I was born to fail
a mustache charlie and a backstreet boozer
but now the truth prevails
I got something up my sleeve
I once was lost, but now I believe

I can see that love can be true
because of you
I got evidence
I don't know what else to do
but follow through
I got evidence
I used to doubt I could be somebody
but I know now it's not true
I got evidence in you

plant a seed, another verse

watermelon
rutabaga
scalloped, baked,
or mashed potata
rhubarb
cherry
apple pie
avocado
my, my, my
lots of hungry
mouths to feed
plant a seed