I'm a fuckin' faucet

So I said I'd call.

Feeling any better, farmboy?

No. I'm just a fuckin' schizoid case. Crying on and off all fuckin' day, man. I'm a fuckin' faucet. It's a Christmas tradition, it seems, but it always takes me by surprise.

farmboy, I'm concerned.

If I knew what to do I'd do it, believe me. But I don't know what to do. Thanks for your concern -- and I mean that sincerely -- but right now I need some real solutions. 'Cause I'm drowning out here, man, and nobody can hear me.