Experiencing the fallout

I've been so depressed lately, man. I got some bad news Saturday and I can't shake it off. I keep trying to do things that are good for me -- writing, walking, playing music, meditating -- but I just feel absolutely hopeless.

It's called depression, farmboy. At least you're active. That's a good sign. Are you taking your medications? Have you seen your therapist?

Yes, to both. My therapist and my psychiatrist both seemed concerned. And they've both seen me at my worst. Hey, I found out that my psychiatrist is a Townes Van Zandt fan. Who would have thought?

I'm concerned as well. What was the bad news?

Physical stuff. Learning that all the hard work that I've put into things means next to nothing. I can't even talk about it, man. It's just too fuckin' sad. It's not fair. And now I'm experiencing the fallout. I'm just so fuckin' sad all the time. If I could sleep away the day, I would.

I'm so sorry to hear about this, farmboy. It seemed to me that you were doing pretty well. Things were beginning to look up.

Well, that I don't remember. I do know that life has gotten worse.

I have to get up and keep trying, man. I'm losing ground here. I've worked hard and I can't let it all be for nothing. I can't let my work be in vain. And I don't know what to fuckin' do. Just wait it out, I guess.

That's one thing you can do. Will that work?

It works, but I can't control it and I don't know how long it will last. The thing is, when I get back to "normal" I'll still have the depression. This is not a question of me getting better. It's just a little bit of improvement, but I'll take it, you know.