everything's wrong with you

everybody loves to criticize
and lately their target is you
you just can't please anyone
no matter whatever work you do
you may think I'm kidding
but I swear, every word I say is true
everybody knows what's right
and everything's wrong with you

open door to nowhere

they told me I was walking through
an open door to nowhere
I call it opportunity
they call it foolish pride
I may only have this one chance
and I want to go where
I have a chance to heal
and leave my yesterdays behind

random companion

you were my random companion
you didn't know my name
but you came
and you stayed
just the same
l remember you in moonlight
how did you ever know
that you would save my life
radio
radio

what I learned from you

remember me
I used to be your friend
or so you said
and I believed every word
remember me
I don't mean 
to bug you once again
but I'm still here
I'm still here
but I'm not waiting anymore
I don't trust like I did before
I keep everyone at arm's length
my spirit's lost its footing
and can't find its strength
and my mind still has no clues
this is what I learned from you
this is what I learned from you

The stuff that holds me back

Hey, man, I'm sorry I haven't been around. I've been having issues with anger lately, complete rages that explode out of control. I spoke to my psychologist today and I'm going to speak to him and my psychiatrist Wednesday. I'm taking care of this. I'm taking care of a lot of fuckin' things, but they all take time.

What do you mean, farmboy?

I'm trying to transform myself, basically. I'm trying toi be the person I really am instead off the person I've trained myself to be.

So I've been taking care of physical problems, emotional problems, weight, depression, isolation, lack of relationships, loneliness, anxiety, that kind of stuff. (laughs)  The stuff that holds me back.

Holds you back from what, farmboy?

From being myself.

That's so sad, farmboy.

That's my fuckin' life, man.

open windows

inspired by The Hotel New Hampshire by John Irving

you've got to get obsessed 
and keep obsessed 
and keep passing the open windows
you need to quit fighting those petty, silly wars
you've got to get obsessed 
and keep obsessed 
and keep passing the open windows
that's the only way to open doors

more cheetos

if I had known
how depressed I was gonna be
when I got home
I would have taken out 
an extra loan
and bought more cheetos

Pharmacy

it's been a long, long night
in this Greyhound station
waiting for my ship to come in
smuggling stuff 
is my occupation
do you have any needs, my friend?
they call me pharmacy
allow me to explain
pharmacy
Walgreen's should be my middle name
if you need anything, man,
call me in
if you're in need
satisfaction guaranteed
from the dust of magic
to plain ol' low-priced weed
I've got results from 
the finest seeds
no need for alarm, you see
now that Pharmacy's in town

summer comes

summer comes
ain't nothing you can do about it
even though you want thunderstorms
and hurricanes and snow
summer comes
you can try to ignore it
but summer's gonna follow you
anywhere you go
I know you feel bad, baby
and you don't want to feel good
but I know that you're thinking maybe
you ain't living life the way you should

summer comes
like a bonfire on the sand
near where the ocean meets the land
and old men with fishing poles
summer comes
with a snippet of a song
speeding by on a back road
full volume on the car stereo
I know you're feeling bad, honey
and joy's nowhere to be found
but wait till you hit the ground running
feet flying off the ground

summer comes
believe me
even though you can't believe it's true
it's still happening to you
summer comes

my inappropriate behavior

I would like to introduce you to
my inappropriate behavior
I'm trying to communicate
but words are not my friend
I think that I should warn you
sometimes I put myself in danger
but I'm not another stranger
who'll betray you in the end

I'm sorry you have to put up with
my inappropriate behavior
but I have no other choice
I do not own a native tongue
I don't have a number
and I cannot claim a name here
my inappropriate behavior
has merely just begun

hombre, ven aqui

I was born by candlelight
in a shotgun shack
by the Mexican border
all my life I've known who I am
I'm an American
on the side of law and order
I got a wife and I got three kids
plenty of food in the cupboard and fridge
every night I patrol the bridge
that goes one way and not the other
hombre, ven aqui,
escuchar a mi
I'll set you free, my brother

I will give you water
I will give you beans
we've got an extra room and
I know why you're here
look, you don't have to fear
ese, this is only human
you're safe here and you can see
we'll treat you as family
you're a lucky man to have found me

finding my temper (the prisoner of sausage)

I'm finding my temper
I wish it weren't so
I already lost it
a little while ago
but it's come back
holding me hostage
like a pizza possesses
its prisoner of sausage
in hot mozzarella
and marinara sauce
that's how my temper
lets me know who's boss
I may have a big temper
but it's plain to see
that my temper thinks
it's the owner of me

I'm finding my temper
it's starting to complain
that there's not enough space
left in my worn out brain
my temper thinks,
more often than not,
that my brain's the result
of whiskey and pot
but self-medication 
is more fun than pain
and it don't matter to me
if memories remain
I may have a mean temper
that must be numbed so
otherwise I'm the target
when it wants to explode

I'm finding my temper
I'm tired of this
remember when Christ
was betrayed by a kiss?
well, I ain't no Jesus
but I pray this will pass
and I think my temper 
can go and kiss it's own ass
I say
don't run away
don't you try to hide
'cause, boy, you see,
I need you on my side
maybe I have a temper
but I'm trying to believe
that my temper 
is the employee
and it works for me

deadbolts

I have to get out of here
I can't be so alone anymore
but each time I try to leave
trouble deadbolts the door

indoor cat

I feel so bad for you, old friend
staring out at the world
through a locked screen door
I wish every now and then
I could set you free
let you go explore
but that's not up to me
it's the ones that buy your food
they told me that
despite your longing to be free
it's not to be
you an indoor cat

your folks are on vacation
they're having lots of fun
flying the friendly skies
they're demanding and impatient
focused on fancy food
pomme frites, not French fries
leaving you at home once more
with another old pet sitter
who's eating all the chocolate in the house
I want to unlock the door
and let you enjoy the nightlife
catting around and eating filet of mouse

but, alas, you are a prisoner
of the bourgeois suburban life
trading freedom for cat food everyday
but I'm a very good listener
and I've got open ears
if you've got anything to say
don't run away and hide
I'm just sitting on this sofa 
made of fake wood and phony leather
come sit here by my side
and let me stroke your fur
and we'll watch Netflix together

pretend you're my friend

pretend you're my friend
I'll even pay you
you call call me on the telephone
it doesn't have to be long
I won't delay you
right now I can't take being alone

make believe you know me
like I'm your brother
listen, please do me this favor
you don't have to show me
I'm sorry to bother you
I'll be on my best behavior

          

your hometown (rest of first draft)

look at all the little tweakers
strung out beyond belief
wearing stolen sneakers
and missing half their teeth
it's hell to have a habit
that your body just won't quit
but sometimes you need to have it
when your hometown turns to shit

          ever since they closed the factory
          it's cigarettes and beer
          in this land of opportunity
          the road don't pass through here

somewhere there's a highway
that right now I can't see
there's a bus that's going my way
with a space that's meant for me
come graduation day
I guess I'll find out where I fit
when I decide if I need to stay
when your hometown turns to shit

    

when your hometown turns to shit (possible bridge)

it was just fine
when I was eight and nine
when I had my dreams
now it sucks to be
a lifelong used-to-be
at a failure at only seventeen

when your hometown turns to shit

wipers refuse to work
and the rain's pouring down
and I'm driving like a jerk
in this one-horse town
but it doesn't really matter
there's nothing good to hit
ain't nothing sadder than
when your hometown turns to shit

no good way of feeling
nothing left to do
except stare at your ceiling 
after you sniff that glue
smoke that ganja
breathe in deep
more than a little bit
you need mucho marijuana
when your hometown turns to shit

all day long (I stare @ screens)

all day long
I stare at screens
electrified 
I get lost inside
it makes me oddly satisfied 
I may be undignified
but I'm never alone
I am tethered to my phone
all day long

avalanche

look around
same old town
all my tall hopes
sliding down
they'd bury me
if they had the chance
avalanche

I change my old
point of view
try to see it
as brand new
but it's still the same
old song and dance
avalanche

          I'm frozen inside
          this roller coaster ride
          hands stiff on the rail
         with a hellhound on my trail

I drink the wine
I take the pills
that's all I have
to cure what's ill
I believe 
I've met my match
avalanche

calm now

I am calm now
I don't know how long this will last
no need for alarm now
the storm somehow has passed
all those emotions
are finally getting rest
from their devotion
to putting me to the test
I try to do my best
and
I am calm now
no longer stranded in the wilderness
I've not no qualms now
although it's anybody's guess
look at the lessons I've learned
I am calm now
but I know my disease will return

bullet

I am the bullet that you dodged
I am the bond that's disconnected
I am a voice to be ignored
I am the one that you rejected
I am the person who's been judged
to be unworthy and unwanted
I am a ghost in a house 
that no one believes is haunted

I am transparent as Scotch tape
nobody knows I'm here
I don't exist to anyone
I was born to disappear

I am the bullet that you dodged
there is no need to know me
I'm up here walking on a wire
and there is no net below me
there is no one that will notice
there is no one that would care
if I crashed into earth below
I'd find nobody there

I am as transparent as Scotch tape
nobody sees me here
I don't exist to anyone
I was born to disappear

hostage

I was held hostage by your anger
until it made my thinking sick
it was like a bomb exploding
that nobody would predict
I learned the way I walked
the way I talked
the way I thought were wrong
but I mainly learned
it was all my fault
and that I didn't belong

let the carbohydrates begin

my life is disgusting
oh, woe is me
I've never felt so much
pain and misery
I'm sad and I'm lonely
and I just can't fuckin' win
let the carbohydrates begin

grief

grief washes over me
like a sheet of rain
from out of the clouds
grief strikes like a snake
its venom spreads fast
and never runs out
grief is the master
it hovers above 
and you are its bitch
grief will take all it can
then leave you with nothing
and claim that you're rich

and a loaded gun

I am waiting for the bus
across the street from where you live
I know you believe
you've got nothing to forgive
but I have been your target
and I'm the damage that you've done
so now you'll see
this is between you and me
and a loaded gun

I am hungry for the trigger
and I've got quite an appetite
and you are not caught up
with everything that's going down
I've inserted all the bullets
now it's time to have some fun
soon I'll be free
this is between you and me
and a loaded gun

for my revenge

I remember every face
of everybody who's rejected me
and I never forget
I never forget
and if I have my way
I'm gonna make you pay
on that you can bet
though it hasn't happened yet
I am armed
with bitter memories
of when I thought we were friends
and it's time
now it's time
for my revenge

map

it helps to have a map
to find where you are going
otherwise, there's no knowing
of where you really are
yeah, you have to know your place
before you choose your destination
you can't be too impatient
if you're planning to go far

and it helps to have a plan
if you're looking to play soccer
instead of just knocking
stuff all over the place
if you give a little thought
and deep consideration
let your imagination
be your one true saving grace

           listen to my advice
           take down all your defenses
           believe me, I've paid the price
           of hardcore consequences

it helps to know your mind
before you start making changes
everything rearranges
every single day
so do the best you can
remember to be rational
remember that your passion will
guide you on the way

always saying goodbye

I don't want to meet anybody
I don't want to talk
think I'll take myself
on a solitary walk
find me a tree stump
sit down and cry
I'll tell you why
I'm always saying goodbye

people will desert you
people are just cursed
people are so fuckin' sensitive
people are the worst
people live on excuses
and faulty alibis
and that is why
I'm always saying goodbye

          don't be nice to me
          don't shake my hand
          can't you see
          my emotions don't understand

some people are like diamonds
worth more than any wealth
friendly, kind and loving
in sickness and in health
I can't get to know these people
they reject me or they die
and that is why
I'm always saying goodbye

I close my eyes

I close my eyes
it's astounding what I see
I'm so damn good at
choosing memories
I drop my eyelids
and I can see Ireland
the rocky cliffs of Donegal
and the ever changing sea
I rest my vision
and I'm a wild man
and I'm in the Sierras
where adventure waits for me

stranger in my own hometown

there's nobody left
that ever mentions my name
my buddies have moved on
through with football games
I could search these streets
till the sun comes up
but they'd only let me down
I'm a stranger in my own hometown

I look for familiar faces
saying hi from a front yard
reflections from storefront windows
bus stops on the boulevard
I could search every acre
and square mile
but I wouldn't know my way 'round
I'm a stranger in my own hometown

          where have they gone
          I know they were here
          feels like I just turned around
          and they all disappeared

outside I may look happy
but I'm sad as a circus clown
I'm a stranger in my own hometown

should I keep on dreaming
of a past the won't return
or do I just take my exit
with the lessons I have learned
I don't know where I'm going
but it sure ain't homeward bound
I'm a stranger in my own hometown
I'm a stranger in my own hometown

working class dollar

you want a word with me?
well, just get in line
life's been good, you see
since I left my conscience behind
I found what I hoped I'd find
my hard-earned peace of mind
living off the working class dollar
putting on hold every caller
there's no need to holler, boy
you'll need to come back another day
look at all who I've befriended
wallets full and open-ended
and no want or need to spend it
it's all okay
the working class dollar will pay

you deserve more from me
than just a babysitter
I've posted all my thoughts 
under my hashtag on Twitter
you won't believe what I've got planned
try to ignore me if you can
'cause I'm living off the working class dollar
while my bank account's growing taller
there's sense to all this squalor
I'm only doing the people's will
if you trust me and my cronies
you'll believe all our baloney
buddy, this smile's sincere, not phony
and what's better still
the working class dollar is footing the bill

The absolute minimum

I'm depressed.

Why, farmboy?

I'm not sure. I've just been dragging...I don't feel much like writing or playing music. I don't want to exercise. I mean, I do these things...It's a discipline, you know? But I'm doing the absolute minimum. Or that's what it feels like.

Maybe you need a rest.

That's all I do. But maybe I'll lie down for a little while.