playing pretend

I know I need to quit

but I just can't seem to do it

I thought there was nothing to it

but I was wrong again

it's everywhere I look

advertisements and articles

I consider the particles

but I know they're not my friend

I thought I would get well

but I can't get any sicker

wine and beer and liquor

is all I've ever known

and now I'm at the end

at least I thought I was

but now I'm not because

I'm thirsty and I'm home

          I need to be touching bottom

          before I can get up again

          every time I feel like quitting

          I'm only playing pretend