siren in the night

siren in the night
I don't know where it's coming from
all I know is that somewhere 
someone is in pain
flashing red and blue
I don't know where it's coming from
all I know is that it's
heading my way

finding out now

when the worst thing that could happen
happens to you
who do you call?
what do you do?
I don't know
but I guess I'm finding out now

I don't want to dream anymore

I don't want to dream anymore
I want to live in the here and now
I need to find a life that's mine
but I don't know how
I don't want to dream anymore
I don't want to make plans
I want to say I'm doing okay
right where I am

It's just heat that I hate

Man, it is so fuckin' hot and summer just started, you know?

I thought you liked summer, farmboy.

I love summer. It's just heat that I hate.

Ever thought of getting an air conditioner?

Yeah, but I never have the fuckin' money and there's only one window in my apartment that I can put it in. And that window's right by my bed and I love sleeping by an open window in the summer.

So, basically, you have no real choice but to remain hot.

I've been taking showers and keeping the apartment closed up so it can retain the not-hot air from the night before. I got water in the fridge and the freezer. I'm not doing much cooking, it's stuff like sandwiches and fruit. I mean, it's fine. Really.

It's just hot.

Exactly. And I'm complaining about it. Which I'm good at, by the way.

summer haikus 2015

too many showers
somehow it's still not enough
I need more ice cubes

the sun's scaring me
I'm not waiting at bus stops
my bald head might burn

a watermelon
weighs too much for the city bus
my hands are weaklings

ghost town here

an angry sun beats down
on this dusty old town 
tired of dreams
that never come true
the children are gone
they had to move on
when you're seventeen
there ain't nothin' to do

          it's a ghost town here
          and let's make one thing clear
          working in fast food
          ain't no career
          someday soon
          you will disappear
          and I will be alone

you think I don't know
that you have to go
to find your own fortune 
and make your mistakes
you've been making your plans
and I understand
and I'm trying to not let you 
see how my heart aches

         but it's a ghost town here
         I know the future you fear
         bills and a family
         and convenience store beer
         a boy like you
         needs a new frontier
         and I am an old man

you go find your own path
remember to laugh
when you find love
never let it go
I want you to know
that this is your home
and you carry it with you
wherever you roam

          it's a ghost town here 
          the time's getting near
          when fathers like me
          learn to hold back their tears
          follow that voice   
          whispering in your ear
          I've taught you all I know
          now I must let you go...
    

Without all that pesky physical stuff

Man, I tell you, I just don't do nothing right. One week out of school and I'm just feeling…I don't fuckin' know, it's like I'm sick but without all that pesky physical stuff.

Sounds like you might be depressed, farmboy.

Whaddya mean, depressed? It's summer, man, ain't no time to get depressed!

Let's see then. Do you feel isolated and lonely?

Uh, yeah. So?

Are you worrying about money?

Well, yeah. 

Are you bored?

Yes, I'm bored. I have all this free time on my hands.

Are you thinking about the past and the way life could have been?

(sighs)  All the fuckin' time, man.

What do you think, farmboy?

Well, if I wasn't depressed before…

key chain

I got a new key chain 
it was given to me
from a local non-profit 
that fights poverty
I stripped the keys
off the old key chain
I felt the guilt
rushing through my veins
it did its job so well
it never complained

so what could I do?
I couldn't throw it away
it gave me good service
it was more than okay
should I give it a gold watch?
should I put it in a drawer?
I just thought there should 
be something more
that what the future
has in store

I remembered all the miles
we'd seen together
thru wind and rain
and even snow
all kinds of ugly weather
me and my old key chain
I tell you, we had some fun
I can't believe 
its mission here is done
I felt like singing
"We've Only Just Begun"

but then I thought hey
I've been thinking all wrong
I'll just immortalize you
in your own folk song
I pulled out some paper
I pulled out a pen
and I composed this song
for my old old friend
who's been loyal and true
to the end

I worked on these verses
I polished them fine
I even selected 
some rhythm and rhyme
the melody soars
if you sing it in A
I took my old key chain
and said "I hope this is okay"
then I
tossed it away
what can I say?
I'm a fuckin' jerk
okay?
but the memory will live 
till my last earthly day
in my heart it will remain
my old key chain

on the mountain

if I could only be
with my family
far as your eyes can see
on the mountain
I'd look down below 
at the lights of Mexico
I'd take in their show
from the mountain
and deep in the night
the stars shine bright
and there's so many 
you can't count them
if I could stay
I'd spend the rest of my days
on the mountain

coffee song

when I woke up this morning
I saw my cup as a reminder
I put some water on to boil
and some beans in the grinder
and I ground them all up
yeah, I ground them up fine
for half a minute
it was grind, grind, grind
put it in my French press
that I bought on Amazon
poured in the boiling water
and I put the hammer on
I let it sit for a while
I let it steep, steep, steep 
I let it have its own style
like it was Meryl Streep
I was feeling naughty
I poured my coffee in the cup
I got some biscotti
I went to drink it all up
I steamed up some milk
and put it on top
then I drank it all down
without tasting
a single drop

karma (rewrite one)

you better watch out for karma
I hear it's a bitch
but between the two of you
I can't tell which is which
you both say you have
my interests in mind
then you offer a deal
that you force me to sign
damned if I don't
damned if I do
better cut out the drama
and watch out for karma
'cause karma's watching out for you

when there a wrongdoing
I need to avenge
I just leave it to karma
to get my revenge
I just pull up a chair
grab some popcorn and soda
and watch that ol' karma
reach its daily quota
for all of your lies
here's something that's true
you can cry to your mama
but behave around karma
'cause karma's got an eye out for you

you know my friend karma?
he wants to be nice
but he's got him a list
and he's checking it twice
he's sees if you're good
in the way you been acting
and if you've been bad
he'll have his satisfaction
from here to St. Louis
and Kalamazoo
'cause you've got it coming
better start running
when karma is confronting you
whatever you do
better use those endorphins
and break out the morphine
'cause karma's coming after you

government handcuffs

I took my problem in hand
and used my five-finger discount
to pick four pockets
and a purse or two
the cop crept up behind me
with her government handcuffs
took me into the station
I said "what did I do?"

they think they're memories

there are these songs
they think they're memories
but they're completely new to me
I've never heard them before
or so I think
maybe somewhere deep inside me
I'm recognizing all those notes
who came back to whisper
"remember us?
we're home!"

karma, take two

you better watch out for karma
I hear it's a bitch
but between the two of you
I can't tell which is which
you both say that you have
my interests in mind
but you feed me battery acid
and turpentine
which one is false?
which one is true?
it's the one that doesn't 
look like you
let's cut out the drama
better watch out for karma
whatever you do

I don't have to worry 'bout nothin'

It's the first day of summer break!

I bet you're happy, farmboy.

It's always weird to adjust to it. My job -- most people's jobs, actually -- they're like that movie with Bill Murray where the same day repeats over and over…

Groundhog Day?

Yeah! I fuckin' loved that movie! 

That's what working is usually like. The same fuckin' day over and over. Which means that I need to come up with stuff to do,

But you know what, man?

What, farmboy?

It's the first day. I'm giving myself a break today. I don't have to worry 'bout nothin'.

Good. You've earned that right.

Yeah. And there may be more days like that later in the week, too. We'll see.

karma

watch out for karma
I hear it's a bitch
maybe I'll see both of you
and not know which is which

everything is going to work out

just for right now
I'm going to pretend
everything is going to work out
and I won't have to be on watch
for tragedy to strike

into the darkness

I'm taking a chance here
I'm playing to win
I'm gonna open the door to the outside
and let myself in
I'm not gonna think about the past anymore
the future's about to begin
let me see it
then I'll go back
into the darkness

half-past empty

it's just a habit
it's how it used to be
back when the world was more
than just a bad economy
put that box back on the shelf
it's way beyond your means
watch what you're putting in your cart
hey, where's the rice and beans?
walk past the ice cream
tell yourself 
it don't even tempt me
grocery shopping
is so damn hard when your wallet's
on half-past empty

not shy

I'm not shy
I just don't like people
'cause people cause trouble
wherever they go
and I know
I am one of those people
stupid and stubborn
with a giant ego

oh, what should I do
if I'm not as good
as a human as you

I will be your prisoner

give me bread
give me water
lead me gently
out to slaughter
I will be your prisoner
tonight
give me heaven 
give me hell
march me into
my new cell
I will be your prisoner
tonight

Waiting for Christmas morning

Man, I am so fuckin' tired. It's a good thing school is finishing up. I don't think I can take it anymore -- not so much the work but the waiting. It's like, you know, being a kid and waiting for Christmas morning.

When does school end, farmboy?

Tomorrow's the final day with students then we have two more days after that for clean-up and stuff. Monday's the last day.

And then what happens?

You mean the whole summer?

Well, I was thinking about Tuesday.

Oh, Tuesday. I don't know. I'd like to smoke weed and jerk off and sleep all day, to tell you the truth. Maybe I'll do something radical, like go to the movies. I never go to the movies.

One thing I know for sure is that Tuesday is going to come and it will have that surreal feeling for a day. I mean, we've been working for this day for ten fuckin' months.

So, what am I gonna do on Tuesday? What ever the fuck I want.

to believe in love (verse two)

tell me I'm not foolish
tell me that it's true
go ahead
do anything
you might have to do
tell me time and time again
it'll never be enough
help me
to believe in love

to believe in love

tell me that there's hope
for this heart of mine
that it's not just a resting place
for rusty valentines
convince me to continue
when the going gets too rough
help me 
to believe in love

I need a couple of friends or something

You know, man, today I got all fuckin' anxious and stuff about anything that would irritate me. I felt pressured by this friend of mine who wants me to pinpoint an exact date that I'll be in California. I don't know yet, things may be changing…

You're not canceling your trip, are you, farmboy?

Man, I hope not. I want to see everybody. It's been three fuckin' years, man. I need to go home.

Are you homesick?

I'm just fuckin' lonely, that's all. Since my brother and his family moved to Yakima. Since my friend Richard is no longer involved with the coffeehouse. Since my friend Glen and my stepmother died.

There's been a lot of changes in your life, farmboy.

Man, don't I know it. 

Anyway, I just feel so fuckin' unconnected. I don't belong to anyone. I don't have wheels, which is my choice, but it hampers my getting around and so I'm not too social.

You've never been a real extroverted person, farmboy. You tend to isolate yourself at times.

Yeah, I know. I wish I…I don't know, man. I need a couple of friends or something. I'm lonely.

You're lonely.

I wish it wasn't so fuckin' hard being me, you know, with all my fuckin' flaws and unfulfilled desires and suspended dreams. 

All that human stuff…

(sighs)  Yeah, all the things that go along with being a fuckin' human being. You'd think they would've found a cure for that by now.

writing prompts 3

you ask how I am
I guess I'm doing fine
except that I think
about death all the time
I wake up at three
(cause I gotta pee)
and what does my mind have 
waiting for me?

          *         *          *

I want to sleep
in your loving arms 
forever

life in this apartment

footsteps above me
washer and dryer below
all I know
is life in this apartment
I pay the utilities 
watch my favorite shows
it's same old same old
life in this apartment
I could change
I know I can
I also know
I don't give a damn
it's here I'll make my rebel stand
it's life in this apartment

head over heels

I don't know what's happened
to this hardened heart of mine
in the end love burns like fire
and tastes like turpentine
but my heart believes it's healed
and I'm hoping that it's true
'cause my heart is 
head over heels over you

tempting fate

all my life I've been tempting fate
into giving me a lucky break
and Lord knows I've been waiting
a long long time
I've fallen and I've climbed back up
time and time again
I've had enough!
all this sudden movement
and it's all an upward climb
makes me want to lose my mind
makes me want to fall behind
like the clocks in November
in most parts of the USA

in my own damn way

I have to do everything
in my own damn way
I need to stumble around
and make my many mistakes
for better or worse
I have to dive head first
in my ocean of despair
I could worry or fret
or drink to forget
but I don't care

I have to learn everything
in my own damn way
I disregard most
of what people say
when I have to decide
between opposing sides
I take too much time
might be right
might be wrong
but I'm only along
for the ride

Living in Gravyville

So here we are, on the first day of June, anxiously awaiting the end of the school year and the start of my wonderful, brilliant, amazing summer. 

Looking forward to it, eh, farmboy?

Man, I can't hardly fuckin' wait. But I'm going to have to. It's two more fuckin' weeks and then I'm living in Gravyville.

I need to figure out things to do this summer that will make good use of the time. I don't want to be waking up at noon everyday, heading for the hash pipe. I figure I'm going to do a lot of writing.

You already write a lot, farmboy.

Yeah, well, I need to write more. Really, I'm devoting my summer to songwriting. I mean, there's some other stuff I'll be doing like going to California and playing for the kids at the hospital. But the big thing will be the songwriting.

I'm looking forward to hearing what you come up with.

Me too, man. I'm hoping I can surprise myself.