Saturday, June 25, 2016

Fear of jumping

Let me tell you something, man. You know this whole fuckin' accident thing? What scares me the most is that I might let myself slip back into the same fuckin' life I've always been living.

Can you be a little more specific, farmboy?

Well, what I mean is that I have always had a pretty unsatisfactory life. I know, there are some good things about it -- God knows I won the big door prize in living my life in music, plus my family and friends -- but inside I'm so fuckin' afraid.

Afraid of what, farmboy?

You name it.

Come on. You can do better than that.

Okay, asshole. I'm afraid of time. I'm afraid to take chances 'cause they might lead to death or some other catastrophe. I'm afraid I'm stupid. I'm afraid that I'm unable to be in a healthy, caring, intimate relationship with another person. I'm afraid I'm untalented. I'm afraid of fuckin' heights.

Fear of falling?

Fear of jumping. That's my problem. Don't show me the cliff, 'cause I'm gonna be tempted. And I don't know why.

Anyway, what all this is coming down to is that I want to make a breakthrough in my life. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't need to be afraid anymore. I can do this.

I know you can, farmboy. I have never doubted you.

You know, man, that helps. Thanks.

I'm okay, man. I just don't want to settle anymore.

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