every business has its customers

every business has its customers
which side are you on?
the buyer or the seller
the prostitute or john
strong like the wind
or weak as an alibi
every business has its customers
every day is business time

safe

if you're tired, then rest
like you're asleep with angels
making sure you're safe

timeless

I want to be timeless
I want to float around
upon a cloud of seconds
turning into hours
into days
into years
I want to be timeless
it must be the drugs, I reckon
planting wildflowers
where I can 
before I disappear

2nd storytelling 4

Intro:

So after an incredibly long, blessedly uneventful day of flying, I got off the airplane and zoomed to baggage claim courtesy of a wheelchair service provided by Aer Lingus Airlines. I picked up my official Rick Steves' travel bag, strapped it on my walker, tipped the wheelchair pusher and headed outside to an overcast sky and an unfamiliar setting.

And I thought: Oh my God, I'm in Ireland. Now what do I do?

Thesis:

Let me explain. I have had two accidents in my life. 

Body 1

     a) I was a young and hopeful singer/songwriter on my first national tour when I was hit by                        a car while walking. I was in Arkansas. The entire tour had to be cancelled and I couldn't drive,

     b) I would lie in bed, recovering, thinking about where I would have played that night.

     c) But worst of all, now I was afraid to travel.

Body 2

     a) Everything would change 30 years later with the second accident. This accident was much more serious than the first one.

     b) with the second one I laid in bed at rehab centers and hospitals and my brother's house for four months, later to go home to near-isolation in my messy and lonely apartment.

     c) I daydreamed about open spaces and travel and friends. I hungered for it. I made up lists of where I wanted to travel to. Ireland always topped the list.

     d) at some point, somehow, my stars had all aligned and I realized that a trip to Ireland was possible. I had the time, I had the funds, and it was the perfect trip -- a songwriting retreat run by two very good friends that fit my new physical situation perfectly.

Body 3

     a) I announced to my family on Christmas Day that I was going to Ireland. They gave me their full support. They weren't the only ones. 

     b) I had a full support team. My physical therapist, my physical trainer, my psychologist -- they all took on preparing me to finally step foot on another continent.

     c) I made all the arrangements, with Matt who answered my email with "For reals?" I bought a round-trip ticket to Dublin, applied for a passport, and made my plans. Exciting, huh? Until it almost fell apart.

     d) In the space of one hour, I was informed that my ticket wouldn't work with my physical condition, my disability checks were being cut off, and I was in danger of losing my job.

Body 4

1. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

      a) For the next week, after my predictable panic, I simply did the actions required. I bought a new ticket, I made sure forms were filled out and delivered and, basically, just did the very best I could. Before I knew it, my sister-in-law was at my door, ready to drop me of at Portland International.

       d. I was on a airplane. I was going to Ireland. There was nothing I could do about it now.

Conclusion

   a) I am so grateful that I went to Ireland. I thought about what could have happened if if I had decided to stay. I wouldn't have been merely depressed; I would have been devestated and deeply desperate. I would be all those nasty "d" words. It could have been downright dangerous. But what I realize now are what I would have missed by not going


    b) I would have missed:

• going to the pub in Donegal town to hear traditional music and witnessing the place get rowdy. 
• going with the other retreat members to the local pub with instruments then being called the next day.
• learning that relearning to walk and drinking a lot of Guinness at the pub may not be the best of ideas.
• getting to know my extremely talented new friends attending the songwriting retreat.
• the shades of the color green and the shades of the many, many sheep that are everywhere in County Donegal.
• the music of local songwriter Eunan McGregor and the most beautiful version of "True Colors" as the parting song in a pub.

    c) But most of all I would miss what it feels like to go from being someone who didn't know if he would walk or travel again to being a songwriter staring at a different ocean from a different country from a different continent. Just watching that ever changing and moody Atlantic Ocean and making up songs.

     song: Sailor Lost at Sea

portland haiku

today the sun rose
and birds sang, as if to say
hope is still alive

picture in a frame

you are a picture in a frame
nobody gave you a choice
of what you might be
watercolor or oils
a photograph of history

2nd storytelling 3

Intro:

So after an incredibly long, blessedly uneventful day of flying, I got off the airplane and zoomed to baggage claim courtesy of a wheelchair service provided by Aer Lingus Airlines. I picked up my official Rick Steves' travel bag, strapped it on my walker, tipped the wheelchair pusher and headed outside to an overcast sky and an unfamiliar setting.

And I thought: Oh my God, I'm in Ireland. How did I get here and now what do I do?

Thesis:

I have feared travel ever since my first accident. 

Body 1

     a) I was a young and hopeful singer/songwriter on my first national tour when I was hit by                        a car while walking. I was in Arkansas. The entire tour had to be cancelled and I couldn't drive,

     b) I would lie in bed, recovering, thinking about where I would have played that night.

     c) I had no career, and, even worse, now I was afraid to travel.

Body 2

     a) Everything would change 30 years later with the second accident. This accident was much more serious than the first one.

     b) with the second one I laid in bed at rehab centers and hospitals and my brother's house for four months, later to go home to near-isolation in my messy and lonely apartment.

     c) I daydreamed about open spaces and travel and friends. I hungered for it.

     d) at some point I realized that a trip to Ireland was possible.

Body 3

     a) I announced to my family on Christmas Day that I was going to Ireland. They gave me their full support. They weren't the only ones. 

     b) I had a full support team. My physical therapist, my physical trainer, my psychologist -- they all took on preparing me to finally step foot on another continent.

     c) I made all the arrangements, with Matt who answered my email with "For reals?" I bought a round-trip ticket to Dublin, applied for a passport, and made my plans. Exciting, huh? Until it almost fell apart.

     d) In the space of one hour, I was informed that my ticket wouldn't work with my physical condition, my disability checks were being cut off, and I was in danger of losing my job.

Body 4

     a) Trip almost gets cancelled when ticket, disability, and job are all threatened.

      b) Determination; to hell with expense; I am going.

      c) For the next week I went through the motions and packed, took care of details like getting to the airport, getting home from the airport, little things like that. Before I knew it, my sister-in-law was at my door, ready to drop me of at Portland International.

       d. I was on a airplane. I was going to Ireland. There was nothing I could do about it now.

Body 5

    a) I take a bus to Donegal county and look out the window and thinking "This is what I dreamed about in rehab." It was all different shades of green. There were sheep everywhere.

    b) I met some of my retreat mates in Donegal and we went out to dinner and then to a pub to hear traditional music. The place got rowdy. I knew I was in the right place.

    c) songwriting retreat, ocean, cliffs, new friends, compulsive writing.

    d) pub at night, Eunan, playing in pub, pub calls us, locals.

Conclusion

    a) I get emotional at last morning meeting. "I won."

    b) First half of "Sailor Lost at Sea."

if you worry about me

if you worry about me
you better start worrying now
'cause I'm feeling like a loser
and I don't know how
I'm gonna get through this
I don't know how to do this
I'm throwing in the towel
if you worry about me
start worrying now

if you're praying for me
start praying now
breathe from your diaphram
and yell out loud
tell your story
sing with glory
do the twist and shout
if you're praying for me
start praying now

everything always moves on

everything always moves on before I do
I'm always left behind
thinking:
how come I don't do what I'm supposed to
forever stuck in some stagnant stage of time

2nd storytelling 2

Intro:

So after an incredibly long, blessedly uneventful day of flying, I got off the airplane and zoomed to baggage claim courtesy of a wheelchair service provided by Aer Lingus Airlines. I picked up my official Rick Steves' travel bag, strapped it on my walker, tipped the wheelchair pusher and headed outside to an overcast sky and an unfamiliar setting.

And I thought: Oh my God, I'm in Ireland. How did I get here and now what do I do?

Body 1:

Let me explain. All my life I've believed that people like me don't travel. Traveling is for other people. It's one of those things, like excitement and true love, that other people experience and I get to hear the stories and look at photographs. I don't know where I got that idea.

a. cost me experiences
     1. Japan
     2. Paris

I learned to travel later in my 20s, but that was cut short by getting in my first accident.
      1. career
      2. fear of travel

transition: 

Years passed. I began working in special education, moved to Texas, moved to Oregon, never traveling abroad but always planning it. 

Body 2:

A year ago this past February, I was in an accident that left me unable to walk. I'll spare you the gory details. I'll spare myself the gory details too,

     1. I ended up having surgery and spent the next four months with my legs in braces, unable to move. First the hospital, then two physical rehab centers. From there I lived with my brother and his family. Then I went back home to my apartment, where, apart from home health and the occasional visitor, I stayed in isolation for another four months. It was the summer of the open door. I fantasized being outside, like I fantasized about open spaces and fast food cheeseburgers in the rehabs.

      2. By December, I was able to get around a lot more and realized that I could go to Ireland. But would I?

       a. I announced it to my family on Christmas Day.
       b. I emailed my friend Matt and told him. He emailed me back immediately with "For reals?"
       c. I informed my physical therapist and physical trainer and psychologist and they started training me for the trip,

Body 3:

      1. Trip almost gets cancelled when ticket, disability, and job are all threatened.

      2. Determination; to hell with expense; I am going.

      3. For the next week I went through the motions and packed, took care of details like getting to the airport, getting home from the airport, little things like that. Before I knew it, my sister-in-law was at my door, ready to drop me of at Portland International.

       4. I was on a airplane. I was going to Ireland. There was nothing I could do about it now.

Conclusion:

    1. I take a bus to Donegal county and look out the window and thinking "This is what I dreamed about in rehab." It was all different shades of green. There were sheep everywhere.

     2. Songwriting retreat: meeting people, writing songs, going to pubs

     3. I get emotional at last morning meeting. "I won."

     4. First half of "Sailor Lost at Sea."

young people next door

let's be honest
I am old
there is no one that I know
in this apartment building
neighbors above 
neighbors below
in my bathroom
I hear voices
from the east side on my floor
please excuse me
if I listen
to the young people next door

now before you
call the cops
please don't be disturbed
'cause I don't know
what they're saying
'cause I can't make out the words
but I hear music
I hear friends
laughing till their sides are sore
and that's why
I like to listen
to the young people next door

          'cause I once had a life
          where I did what I allowed
          I'd give my fondest memories
          to cause that trouble now

let's be honest
I am old
I'm in the wrong demographic
I am sad
I have more issues
than national geographic
but I remember
years ago
being a student, green and poor
but I was rich
in love and friendship
like the young people next door

2nd storytelling

Intro: description of looking out bedroom window and the majesty of the cliffs, the ever-changing mood of the ocean, the soft, lush shades of green that you see everywhere. Then I come to full attention and think: Damn! I'm in Ireland! How did I get here?

Body:
1. The past...needed at home...accident...before you know it, life changes and you get older.

2. Life throws me a curve ball with this accident, without which I would have never gone.

3. Going to Ireland and everything that threatened to stop it. I wake up the next morning and look out the window and remember where I am. By the end of the trip, I knew I'd have a lot more to remember.

Conclusion: I'd become friends with these new people, and I am feeling strangely emotional at our last morning meeting. I knew that I was going to miss everybody. But the past year and a quarter flashed in front of me, the remembering of how I couldn't walk. And it occurred time: I won. For once in my sad and wretched life I won.

Score one for me. 

depressing haikus

I need a reason
to keep going on in life
I am so depressed

all I'm needing is
something to look forward to
in my sad future

Sam and Sam

I knew two dogs
when I was a young man
they lived together
and were both named Sam
they were both girls
but were different as day from night
white Sam was a bully
gray Sam wouldn't fight

trouble is following you

you are heading for nothing but trouble
boy, you're going straight to hell
your beard is just second-day stubble
I'd get out on the double
take good care of yourself
I hate to burst your sweet little bubble
I'm only saying what's true
I hate to see your dreams smashed into rubble
but trouble is following you

when you decided

so what lessons did I learn
when you decided 
I wasn't good enough
to be your friend
what knowledge did I gain
when you decided
it was okay to hurt me
if it helped you in the end

there are pills

there are pills for the taking
there are pills that you need
there are pills to keep you awake and
there are pills that help you sleep
there are pills that excite
the pharmaceutical greed
I don't mean to stereotype
but they're a funny breed

there are pills to make you larger
there are pills that make you small
and the ones that mama gives you
well, her mama would be appalled
there are pills to make you happy
there are pills that make you crawl
now, I don't want to be sappy
but perhaps the best of all

are the pills that help you live
longer than you would've
if you kept living like you did
dark glasses with the hood up
there are pills that you swallow
but you know what?
the worst are the ones
nurses put up your butt

but let's not talk about that
'cause we're talking about pills
and the pills that help you
cure all your ills
the red burning fever
the cold Arctic chills
there are pills that will give you
all kinds of thrills

but you gotta beware
of what you're taking there
'cause there are pills that can scare
even if you're smarter than the average bear
there are pills that can kill you
if you're too unaware
there are pills that will fill you
with the deepest despair

so be careful, my friends
you take warning, take heed
pills that will end you 
are not what you need
neither are pills
that make your insides bleed
so put down that acid
cut back on the speed

and only take pills
that you know are safe
that your doctor prescribes
that are not just for taste
so I'll make this pronouncement
so it won't go to waste 
I'm a public service announcement
from the United States

ankle and knee

ankle and knee
move in harmony
so your legs can walk
through the shopping mall
ankle and knee
sometimes disagree
but they work together
so you don't fall
and that's not all
they do
ankle and knee
know what's best for you

you don't have to be a turtle (rewrite)

why do you need to apologize
over and over
like a broken record
look in the mirror into your own eyes
surprise
you're no Hannibal Lecter
this loser shit is getting old
you can put it on the shelf now
all those lies that you've been told
don't tell them to yourself now
I'll tell you how

          you don't have to be a turtle
          but you need a shell
          to protect you from
          rejection
          you know, love's the highest hurdle
          so respect yourself
          take care of your heart

another round

trouble will come soon enough
trouble always does
trouble needs no reason
it answers "just because"
trouble will surprise you
at every twist and turn
with methods of malfunctions
and lessons you must learn

          so I appreciate
          when trouble's out of town
          time to celebrate
          let's buy another round

trouble gets all pissed off
if you start fighting back
so trouble exercises
and gets ready to attack
trouble believes it's ego
trouble strings you along
trouble thinks it's right
trouble's always wrong

          so I always throw a party
          when trouble's underground
          we're singing loud and hearty
          let's buy another round

I don't need trouble
and friend, neither do you
so move in
listen closer
I know what we can do
'cause trouble's causing trouble
yeah, trouble's second class
so let's throw trouble out the door
on it's high-falutin' ass

          so we'll sing another chorus
          I don't care how we sound
          trouble can't ignore us
          let's buy another round
          let's sing one last chorus
          for those before us who backed down
          trouble's looking for us
          let's buy another round

more various lines

lost dog with no collar

of all the mistakes I've made, you were my favorite

looking like a liar or a fool

lying on the cold hard ground, trying to fall asleep

afraid of losing my balance

it began when you and I ended

chimney and smoke

attention

I have this new need for attention
to make up for lost time
when nobody would talk to me
and kept me left behind

rules of the game

as far as my looks,
I know I don't stop traffic
I've got more issues
than National Geographic
some say sorrow 
should've been my middle name
'cause you're a fool
when you don't play by 
the rules of the game

rope

no need to string him up, folks
no need to work so hard
we know what's the problem 
it's in our own front yard
just sit back and watch, friends,
as our country's dumbest dope
proceeds to hang himself
and he's supplying his own rope

I am my own Chris Gethard

I was lonely and scared
no one by my side
all day I moaned
all night I cried
then I heard Chris Gethard
and I knew what to do
I called Beautiful/Anonymous
but I couldn't get through 
oh, woe is me
I wish I were dead
but then a lightbulb
went off in my head
and I said:

I am my own Chris Gethard
now I encourage myself
someday I'll have it all together
with Geth to thank for my mental health
I don't sing along to Def Leppard
Morrissey's the music I make
I am my own Chris Gethard
I now give myself a break          

          I'm kind and understanding
          and to myself I listen
          I request forgiveness
          instead of begging permission

I am my own Chris Gethard 
though I'm not as funny as he
but you might say we're birds of a feather
winning in the struggle to be free
sometimes my life's the F-word
but the next day I always start anew
I am my own Chris Gethard
so he'll have time to be Chris Gethard, too
the one and only!
no other Chris Gethard will do
he ain't baloney
Chris Gethard, we love you

I'm here

I'm here
for all the good it'll do me
everyone will see through me
when I say I'm doing fine
I'm here
I'm making an appearance
I hope I'm not an interference
I know that I'm
not the kind
of man you hoped to find

I'm here
is it okay to leave now
I think I'll take my final bow
and head on out the door
it's clear
that I simply don't belong here
that I only can do wrong here
don't get too near
I'll disappear
but for now I'm here

          there's a starlit night
          there's the rising moon
          there's the stillness
          and silence
          safe in my room
          alone 

I'm here
I've fulfilled my duty
give my freedom to me
and I'll be on my way
I'm sincere
I really should go now
 'cause, well, I don't know how
to ignore this fool in the mirror
the falling of a single tear
I don't know why but one thing's clear
I'm here
I'm here
I'm here

no lessons learned

there is nothing
that I know how to do
that helps with grieving
and/or rejection
I'm just the loser
and there are no lessons learned
except:
never allow yourself
to feel close
to anybody
ever

my world

my world
doesn't revolve around
your petty problems
my world
revolves around
my petty problems
and don't you forget it

No one ever hears me

Goddamn sonovabitch. What the fuck? 

farmboy! You're back! How was Ireland?

Ireland was great. But now I'm back to my life here, in which either nothing happens or everything goes fuckin' wrong. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm very, very grateful for the trip, believe me. I'm just so fuckin' frustrated because I come back here and fuckin' everything goes wrong. It's fuckin' uncanny, man. I can't fuckin' believe it! It's li!e this morning I'm going to the gym and I can't fuckin' go because the bus has no schedule now. For the second time I look like a fool to my trainer because fuckin' Trimet can't get its shit together. We're talking about buses not coming, for God's sake. It's not lateness; it's buses not even showing up. 

You're angry, farmboy...

And nothing will happen. That's all my life fuckin' is, man, all sorts of anger and hurt and pain and nothing fuckin' changes! No one ever hears me! I know I'm being irrational and self-pitying and stuff, but I'm mad and frustrated and hurt and I don't want to feel like this forever. (starts crying)

It's okay, farmboy, you're going to be all right...

No I'm not. Not this time. 

It's not fair.

trouble's back in town

trouble's back in town
and trouble's looking for you
trouble's out on the streets
asking everyone it meets
if they know where you're around
if they know where you'll be found
oh, trouble
trouble's back in town

you should have stayed away
you had trouble off your trail
but trouble kept looking
trouble kept cooking
and now trouble's here to remind you
it knows where to find you
oh, trouble
trouble's gonna wine and dine you
and show you a good time
you got trouble

          trouble's back in town
          trouble's back in town

trouble be my witness
trouble fear my strength
someday you're gonna fight back
with everything you got
and on the double
trouble's gonna get real hot
but not as hot as you
can get when something holds you down
oh, trouble
yes, trouble
trouble's back in town

          trouble's back in town
          trouble's back in town

arrivals and departures

arrivals and departures
I am waiting for my flight
I'll be leaving in the morning
I'm arriving late tonight
I have gone through US customs
and they okayed me even though
I'm the one guy in this airport
they really ought to know

arrivals and departures
no one has the slightest clue
of the trouble I could cause
of the damage I can do
this is what I was born for
my whole entire life
if you believe in something 
you'll make the sacrifice

there is no one who will notice
as I board upon this flight
I am an American
my hair is trimmed
my skin is white
I work out so I look good
I stand five feet and eleven
tomorrow morning you can find me
enjoying life in heaven

arrivals and departures
attention everyone
I mean everything I say
and I got myself a gun
now I am the pilot 
listen close to every sound
this is all god's plan
I am taking us
I am taking us
down

Dublin Airport, Ireland