there are pills

there are pills for the taking
there are pills that you need
there are pills to keep you awake and
there are pills that help you sleep
there are pills that excite
the pharmaceutical greed
I don't mean to stereotype
but they're a funny breed

there are pills to make you larger
there are pills that make you small
and the ones that mama gives you
well, her mama would be appalled
there are pills to make you happy
there are pills that make you crawl
now, I don't want to be sappy
but perhaps the best of all

are the pills that help you live
longer than you would've
if you kept living like you did
dark glasses with the hood up
there are pills that you swallow
but you know what?
the worst are the ones
nurses put up your butt

but let's not talk about that
'cause we're talking about pills
and the pills that help you
cure all your ills
the red burning fever
the cold Arctic chills
there are pills that will give you
all kinds of thrills

but you gotta beware
of what you're taking there
'cause there are pills that can scare
even if you're smarter than the average bear
there are pills that can kill you
if you're too unaware
there are pills that will fill you
with the deepest despair

so be careful, my friends
you take warning, take heed
pills that will end you 
are not what you need
neither are pills
that make your insides bleed
so put down that acid
cut back on the speed

and only take pills
that you know are safe
that your doctor prescribes
that are not just for taste
so I'll make this pronouncement
so it won't go to waste 
I'm a public service announcement
from the United States