not feeling too well

I'm not feeling so wellI

I've got the chills

I went to see the doctor

and he gave me pills

woe is me, I'm feeling blue

what the hell can I do

I've got a mystery

and that will have to do

money problems

I have never not had money problems

it's the most predictable part of my life

the bills keep on rising

and the numbers don't add up right

I have too little money in my savings account

I have too much debt due to credit

I have no cash in my back pocket

this would bother me if I let it

I have never not had money problems

they define me more than I would like

the end of the month always comes too soon

it tells me to go take a hike

I try my best to budget well

but it never really seems to work

I always start out hopeful

I always end up hurt

I have never not had money problems

I must account for every cent

and then when I look at my balance

I wonder where my money went

one day I may have more money

but that's a long time away

but till then I'll keep on hoping

for a way to hold on to my pay

looking for reason

everything is so complicated

nothing is simple enough

every time I'm looking down

I find the only way is up

I have all these forms to fill out

I need to get somebody's okay

I have to plan for my tomorrows

when I can't even handle today

          ease my troubled mind

          tell me it will be all right

          I keep looking for reason

          but I don't see it in sight

insurance plans keep changing

my job expects more and more

and I'm not getting the sleep

that I used to get before

my therapist is absent

and taxes are overdue

it's a world of confusion

that's what I've been going through

          ease my troubled mind

          tell me it will be all right

          I keep looking for reason

          but I don't see it in sight

tomorrow will be better

that's what I tell myself

but it would be so much easier

if I were someone else

all I can do is try my best

and not think where or when

pull my bootstraps up

and start all over again

          ease my troubled mind

          tell me it will be all right

          I keep looking for reason

          but I don't see it in sight

there are mornings

there are mornings when the rain falls/ and I run to catch the bus/ and the streets are shining silver/ and leaves blow in the wind/ lately I've been thinking/ all I need is a human touch/ then I will begin anew/ and start over again

there are mornings when I sleep late/ no longer the crack of dawn/ I brush my teeth, put on my slippers/ and do nothing all day/ better luck and blessings/ are what I depend upon/  go to the computer/ and waste the day away

all in all, it's just another day/ it comes and goes with nothing much to say

there are mornings I feel reckless/ I'm waiting for the day to begin/ and today holds such promise/ my future is in sight/ maybe I'll go out walking/ if I do, I don't know just when/ I know this moment will continue/ all the way into night

which way I should go

I am lost and searching

for my secret sacred soul

to rebalance my stability

to try to make me whole

and when I find it

I will let you know

and then I will be certain

which way I should go

spin that wheel

somebody save me a place

I will be back soon

I just have an errand to do

in the other room

I'll figure out my life

discover what is true

explore my inner meaning

then go back out to you

          growth is so inconvenient

          especially when you're the one that grows

          spin that wheel one more time, son

          where it stops, nobody knows

I've had my share of self-pity

I've whined since I don't remember when

but if you're listening to me

I will tell you once again

          growth is so inconvenient

          especially when you're the one that grows

          spin that wheel one more time, son

          where it stops, nobody knows

maybe I'm being dramatic

losing my dignity

I don't want it to sound like I'm complaining

but it's so hard to be me

          growth is so inconvenient

          especially when you're the one that grows

          spin than wheel one more time, son

          where it stops, nobody knows

eggshells

why do I feel guilty

I haven't done anything wrong

since I woke up this morning

I've done my best to get along

I am still innocent

as far as I can see

I'm always walking on eggshells

and there's no one around but me

I am not psychotic

maybe just a little confused

no crimes have I committed

no weapons have I used

no way am I accepting this

as my destiny

I'm always walking on eggshells

and there's no one around but me

          and they're cracking under me

          they're cracking under me

          they're cracking under me

I've done my best like all the rest

to earn my daily bread

my actions always rise above

the thoughts inside my head

why do I feel guilty

in the first degree

I'm always walking on eggshells

and there's no one around but me

do I feel sad?

do I feel sad?

well, yes, I do

I've been feeling bad

the whole day through

from the first breath

to the last amen

it looks like my sadness

will never end

          but down deep inside

          I know it isn't true

          so why do I

          feel so blue

do I feel sad?

I've been down that road

but lately it's changed

to a permanent mode

it begins every morning

it continues each night

this feeling that nothing

will turn out right

          but deep down inside

          I know it will end

          but for right now

          sadness isn't my friend

do I feel sad?

let me give you a clue

all the good that I have

I cannot do

but maybe tomorrow

I'll start to belong

and then realize

that I was wrong

          and deep down inside

          my pain will be done

          my life being happy

          has only begun

what would you take in exchange for your soul?

what would you take in exchange for your soul

drunk with power with complete control

or go for riches in your checking account

proud and pleasing, the perfect amount

a winning feat of achieving your goals

what would you take in exchange for your soul

or maybe you'd choose a full life of peace

where money won't count and worries will cease

a calm clear morning with the sun shining in

the pleasure of somebody's touch on your skin

a moment of living where everything's whole

what would you take in exchange for your soul

          freedom and fortunes

          the fiercest of fame

          would you accept

          the blessings of blame

what would you take in exchange for your soul

the character flaws in performing your role

you don't have to choose, you just need to work

in this world that we live in, sometimes we must hurt

still the question continues, a tale of woe

what would you take in exchange for your soul

the house where I once lived (rewrite 2)

I don't go back there anymore

I know my keys won't fit the door

where's the cars I used to know?

where did all my neighbors go?

it's a building where secrets are hid

this is the house where I once lived

no children play out in the yard

the old neighborhood stands guard

the house, it stands, pristine with pride

and I don't try to look inside

so many memories to forgive

this is the house where I once lived

          how I miss the people

          who occupied this place

          it was once my home

          now it's been erased

somebody else lives there now

I don't know who and I don't care how

the world in which I spent my years

has packed its things and disappeared

I will not be back, God forbid

this is the house where I once lived

the house where I once lived (rewrite 1)

I don't go back there anymore

I know my keys won't fit the door

the lawn's been mowed

someone pulled the weeds

and nothing suits my wants and needs

in a building where secrets are hid

this is the house where I once lived

no children play out in the yard

the sun and moon both stand guard

living proof, it runs and hides

and I don't try to look inside

so many memories to forgive

this is the house where I once lived

          how I miss the people

          who occupied this place

          it was once my home

          now it's been erased

somebody else lives there now

I don't know who and I don't care how

the world in which I spent my days

has somehow changed and gone away

I will not be back, God forbid

this is the house where I once lived

the house where I once lived

I can't go back there anymore

it's got other owners than before

the lawn has changed

someone pulled the weeds

and nothing suits my wants and needs

in a building where secrets are hid

this is the house where I once lived

no children play out in the yard

the sun and moon both stand guard

living proof, it runs and hides

and I don't knock at the door to go inside

so many memories to forgive

this is the house where I once lived

          how I miss the people

          who occupied this place

          where I grew into adult shoes

          now it's been erased

somebody else lives there now

I don't know when and I don't know how

they do not share my history

at their home there is no trace of me

the world in which I spent my days

has quickly changed and gone away

I will not be back, God forbid

this is the house where I once lived

everything I don't know

everything I don't know

could fill a million books

you can see it everywhere

you don't even have to look

it's hidden in the air I breathe

everywhere I go

I don't have something up my sleeve

it's everything I don't know

I have so many questions

the answers will not come

but still I keep on asking

but they're missing, every one

I ask about my future

and what it has to show

but most of all I ask about

everything I don't know

the numbers are staggering

so much I can't understand

I used to think the purpose

was under my command

but all my thoughts are meaningless

they all fall below

everything that's in my mind

everything I don't know

maybe tomorrow morning

everything will all work out

that is what I hope for

but I have my doubts

I should have learned something

a long time ago

but instead I have near nothing

it's everything I don't know

612 Southeast Fifth

612 Southeast Fifth

was the address of the church

the house of unforgiveness

the source of all my hurt

I was but an altar boy

for the congregation to see

but there were other things

that happened to me

I thought performing such a service

was a blessing, not a curse

but of all the sins on God's earth

this surely was the worst

I tried my best to put up a fight

I tried to make a stand

against the parish priest'

and the force inside his hands

all the things he did to me

I believed I could ignore

but somewhere in my mind

there was someone keeping score

I held it deep inside me

but it wouldn't go away

and the secret remains hidden

until this very day

save a place in your heart

for the ones who've been damaged

by those who have the power

by those with an advantage

some say serving the lord

could be a person's greatest gift

but I know the real meaning

of 612 Southeast Fifth

bridges

think I'll burn a few bridges

think I'll start with you

I've made my decision

and I know just what to do

if I lived a million lifetimes

I still would never see

another world where you

mean anything to me

it isn't all your fault

sometimes I can be a jerk

but I still didn't deserve

a heart that doesn't work

it's best that we are parted

and I think that I know how

I know I need to leave you

and I know the time is now

          you took me for granted

          you took me for a fool

          who doesn't know the purpose

          of following your rules

if I see you tomorrow

I will not look your way

because I believe you made me

the man I am today

now our time is over

and we'll both start anew

think I'll burn a few bridges

think I'll start with you

long into the night

all the children gather around him

when he plays the banjo

when he tells them stories of his life

they listen with both ears

they lay down on the grass

and they stare up at the mischief in his eyes

and when the show is over

they go back to their homes

but the banjo man plays one more tune

about a cowboy and a horse

returning home after the war

before heading back to his motel room

          and the songs keep coming

          like there's no end in sight

          the songs keep coming

          from the morning long into the night

he takes care of his instrument

he wipes the strings

and puts the banjo in its case

he turns on the TV

but he doesn't hear the noise

he eats an apple and he enjoys the taste

and when he goes to bed

he dreams about his childhood

like he does nearly every night

he worries about the future

he worries about money

but he knows it's going to be all right

          and the songs keep coming

          like there's no end in sight

          the songs keep coming

          from the morning long into the night

early the next morning

he'll go to get some coffee

then he walks back to his hotel room

it's off to another city

with other people's children

he hopes that he'll be returning soon

and the miles keep on rolling

through the mountains and the plains

and every one's imprinted in his soul

it's just another day

with more new music

it's something he cannot control

          and the songs keep coming

          like there's no end in sight

          the songs keep coming

          from the morning long into the night

my own way home (rewrite 1)

I'm looking for a story worth telling

I'm searching for a lesson to learn

I'm working for an end to all my sorrow

I'm impatiently waiting for my turn

          it doesn't matter where I wander

          makes no difference if I roam

          I will always look over yonder

          I will find my own way home

I used to believe that I was losing

I thought nothing could ever go my way

I used to settle for nothing

I don't feel like that today

          it doesn't matter where I wander

          makes no difference if I roam

          I will always look over yonder

          I will find my own way home

now I look up at the open sky

and stare out at the endless blue

and realize that I am just beginning

to know exactly what I can do

          it doesn't matter where I wander

          makes no difference if I roam

          I will always look over yonder

          I will find my own way home

my own way home

I'm looking for a story worth telling

I'm looking for a lesson I should learn

I'm working for an end to all my sorrow

I'm patiently waiting for my turn

          it doesn't matter where I wander

          makes no difference if I roam

          I will always look over yonder

          I will find my own way home

I used to believe that I was losing

I thought nothing would ever go my way

I used to settle for nothing

I don't feel that way today

          it doesn't matter where I wander

          makes no difference if I roam

          I will always look over yonder

          I will find my own way home

now I look up at the open sky

and stare out at the endless blue

and realize that I am just beginning

on a road where I know just what to do

          it doesn't matter where I wander

          makes no difference if I roam

          I will always look over yonder

          I will find my own way home

I can change for you

everyday I spend alone

I do not open the door

the blinds are closed

and I suppose

there must be something more

I've been caught red-handed

by myself one more time

for not doing what I should

and returning to

the scene of the crime

          nothing changes

          nothing moves

          and life never ever improves

          but still I try

          like I always do

          convinced that I

          can change for you

everyday I do what I can

I always try my best

I make my plans 

and take my stand

I will not settle for less

but everything is so damn hard

I always come up empty

in a world that stays the same

with nothing that can tempt me

          nothing changes

          nothing moves

          and life never ever improves

          but still I try

          like I always do

          convinced that I

          can change for you

tomorrow I 

will try all over again

if I have to,

I'll just pretend

I will carry on

the best I can

and hope you accept me

as I am

          nothing changes

          nothing moves

          and life never ever improves

          but still I try

          like I always do

          convinced that I

          can change for you

curse

I tried to settle down

I did my best not to worry

I told myself I was okay

I did not have to hurry

but I couldn't help

fearing the worst

of all the blessings in life

I was a curse

          help me if you can

          I'm in trouble deep

          it's been a long, long night

          and I cannot fall asleep

I caught myself red-handed

when I tried to help myself

through the brambles and the briars

left there by someone else

I did not know a reason

I should go fast and free

from all of the guilt

that's here surrounding me

          help me if you can

          I'm in trouble deep

          it's been a long, long night

          and I cannot fall asleep

the great unknown

nothing is better

than waking up

on a cold, clear morning

in a pick up truck

with miles behind

and miles to go

and the best part of all

is nobody knows

I'm at a rest stop

on my way down south

the taste of adventure

is there in my mouth

so many roads

too many directions

any way out

that is my selection

          I don't need to stay at home

          I'm heading to the great unknown

I don't know what

I'm going to find

but I'm leaving all my

neighbors behind

all my co-workers

my family and friends

I'm headed out fast

where the rainbow ends

          I don't need to stay at home

          I'm heading to the great unknown

where I'll be tyomorrow

I do not know

all that's certain

is that it's time to go

where high is the sky

and clean is the air

maybe you

can meet me there

          I don't need to stay at home

          I'm heading to the great unknown

if you knew

if you knew

all the secrets I've kept from you

you would not be able to look me in the eyes

you'd be angry

confused and suspicious

but you'd still give me another try

that's what you'd do

if you knew

red-handed

I was caught red-handed,

taking from the collection plate

in a Sunday morning service

where I showed up ten minutes late

I was eleven years old

I was saving for a skateboard

for my teenage years

it was more than I could afford

I saw the money

right in front of me

I looked around

there was no one to see

I took my right hand

and grabbed it

I was thinking this might

become a habit

I thought I got off scot-free

but I was mistaken

I learned there were consequences for

the money that I had taken

the pastor saw me leaving church

he said "I've seen all you do

the time has come to repent

son, it's all up to you"

visions of hell entered my brain

guilt was all around me

everything bad I ever did

all came back to surround me

I told myself to settle down

but it didn't do any good

I was sure I was condemned

for not doing what I should

I took the money from my pocket

I said "I don't want it now

I only want the kind of things

that Jesus would allow"

if it hadn't happened then

it would have some other time

and that's the entire story of

my big career of crime

hard lessons

I learned them once

I learned them twice

please listen to my advice

hard lessons

are the toughest to learn

hard lessons

never wait their turn

spoon-fed problems 

and tired eyes

more information to memorize

hard lessons

they're all the same

hard lessons

taking over my brain

          and you learn them

          over and over and over again,

          my friend

          you learn hard lessons

          over and over again

brand new morning

all is fine

except those lessons

you've left behind

hard lessons

never ending, it seems

hard lessons

waking you up from your dreams

the dog is barking

the mail is late

and all you think about

are your mistakes

hard lessons

taking up your time

hard lessons

at the scene of the crime

          and you learn them

          over and over and over again,

          my friend

          you learn hard lessons

          over and over again

take a deep breath

smile a new smile

all this education

gonna take a while

hard lessons

you know that you should

hard lessons

you're learning them good

          and you learn them

          over and over and over again,

          my friend

          you learn hard lessons

          over and over again

in this little town

mama made fried chicken

and one of her apple pies

it's going to be a picnic

on that you can rely

daddy's got his work clothes on

but he's going to change

into a white shirt and dungarees

but his work boots will remain

it's 1869

South Carolina small town

where the law still carries

its mighty force around

you'd best be on the right side

or you will pay the price

live the life that you were born to

that is my advice

all of the neighbors

are planning to be there

the men in all their street clothes

ladies put up their hair

children with their dollies

caps in the toy guns

come and see the bad man

this should be a bit of fun

a man is at the scaffold

unflinching in their fate

ropes around their necks

it's time to celebrate

the hanging will commence

and justice comes around

it's what we call entertainment

in this little town

special

I always wanted to be special

I guess that I failed

I tried to be the best

but the truth prevailed

all my shortcomings

were well defined

all of my failures

were well designed

will you be with me

can you see

the specialness

inside of me

I try to be normal

in all I say and do

always looking over my shoulder

to see what's coming through

I've been around the country

I graduated from school

I took all the lessons

and I followed the rules

I've been in the open

and I've learned to hide

but I don't feel special

down deep inside

so what if I'm common

like everyone else

but that's not what I wanted

for myself

I want to be the one

who always stands apart

tethered to the rhythm

of my own heart

I don't know where to turn

I don't know what to do

I want to be special

exactly like you

good boy

he was a good boy

he was the best dog

anybody could have

he could change

the fiercest day around

he could make me laugh

my dog would snuggle up with me

I got him from the pound

and now the day has come

when he needs to be put down

I made the decision

with the vet's help

he didn't need to suffer anymore

all his life 

he was so good

waiting patiently at the door

my dog, he meant the world to me

the sweetest dog around

and now the day has come

when he needs to be put down

I cannot stop crying

I can't control myself

the tears will never end

there is absolutely nothing 

worse in the world

than losing your best friend

my dog will always live in me

we walk on hallowed ground

and now the day has come

when he needs to be put down

he was a good boy

he was the best dog

anybody could have

all the people I have known

all the people I have known

live on in my memory

they all have a special place

in the deepest part of me

all my relatives

all my friends

I would like

to see again

in our heavenly home

all the people I have known

everyone inside my heart

they will live forever

in my thoughts and in my dreams

in every endeavor

all the friends

that came before

I don't take for granted

anymore

we are all on loan

all the people I have known

          all the people of my memories

          they will always be with me

all the people I have known

rest inside my heart

nothing can take them from my side

we will never part

they are never

really dead

they live in

my heart and head

all those forms of blood and bone

all the people I have known

I took a walk

I took a walk

the same old walk

around the block

I looked around

there was nothing 

but the sky and ground

I had always seen before

there must be something more

for me

to see

I took a walk

there were trees and dogs and houses

and daffodils

I was walking by on my own free will

the wind was blowing

but the trees were still

too beautiful to ignore

but still there must be something more

for me

to see

I took a walk

my feet were upset

with every step

I went back home

where all is common

and not one bit unknown

I walked back inside the kitchen door

thinking there must be something more

for me

to see