Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Mijo


You okay?

You know, I don't know if I'm ever really okay. I got so many, so many sad and depressing emotional problems and money problems and artistic difficulties, and I am too tired to look at them right now. I'm having such a hard time writing lately, it's really hard. Really hard. And I'm trying to not let it get me down, but of course it does. Plus I'm really fragile and sensitive and jealous of everybody who has any gigs or attention or friends or I don't know what. So what do you think, was that a good answer or what?

You worried?

I'm sorta anxious and I have medication for that but I don't want to take it, because I'm running out, but I've been tense lately. Man, it is hard to be me. You have no idea.

Are you serious or are you joking with me?

Oh, I guess both. I mean, everybody has it hard. I heard once "Be kind to people, because everybody is carrying a large burden." And that's so true. Plus, I mean, I could be in Darfur, you know, I could be in Haiti. I could be much. much poorer with people dependent on me. I could be in worse health. So, yeah, I'm thankful, really.

But I have these fuckin' emotional problems...

You know what I think?

What?

Take the fuckin' pill. That's why you got 'em. Do some deep breathing, smoke a little weed, put on some soft music and go to sleep. Just give your mind a rest, okay?

Yeah, but...but there's all this stuff. man, like you say I need rest and sleep and shit and you sound like my Dad. He wouldn't say nothin' 'bout weed, though. I miss my Dad. Nobody ever tells me that kind of thing, you know. And since he died, I ain't never been the same [starts to tear up]. And,,,thanks for listening. You're right, I need to rest. If only for a few hours...

Good night, mijo.

That's what my Dad used to call me,

I know. Good night, mijo.

Good night. [pauses] Thanks.

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