Crumbles and shivers

I'm so sad, I'm so worried. I've got less than fifty dollars for the whole month -- that's including credit -- and my Visa bill is going unpaid. I don't know what to fuckin' do, man.

I know this doesn't help much, but you'll get through this, farmboy. You always do. Something always comes along.

I know, but not until everything crumbles and shivers, you know?

Take care of yourself, farmboy. Eat as well as you can, keep playing, keep writing, keep singing, keep working...

I will, I hope. Fuck. It's these moments of sheer panic that throw everything off.

So I'm trying to be okay.

Do you have any marijuana?

No. I can't even afford groceries, much less weed. It's a shame, but it's okay. For now. It would sure help for those times of panic when something chemical happens inside of me . It's fuckin' great for anxiety, but it doesn't count as a reason for medical marijuana. Maybe I'll eventually move to Washington or Colorado, I don't know.

Seriously?

I can't afford to cross the street, let alone move to another state. I wish I were Canadian, man. Health care, weed, Neil Young.

But I'm here. It'll be okay in a month, kinda. I'll still have the Visa bill, plus a fuckin' penalty. All I need is like $500 and I'll be set. 

I wish I had it, farmboy.

I know, man. Thanks.

I wish I had it, too.