A million fuckin' years from now

Hey, it's farmboy! Haven't heard from you for a while. What have you been up to?

Well, I'll tell you, man, I'm here at the county courthouse serving jury duty. I am so fuckin' pissed right now. They June let everybody go home...except 18 people for the fuckin' people they called for the jury. And, of course, I'm one of them. So now we're just waiting here because our time is worthless. Goddamn motherfuckin' government assholes. These people always think they're better than us and our time is fuckin' worthless. Goddamn it! Fuck these self-important government fuckers. Goddamn them to hell.

Wow! You're angry!

This is the way my fuckin' life is, man. Every fuckin' thing goes wrong. Nothing fuckin' matters, everyday is wrong. If I had the fuckin' balls I'd just fuckin' shoot myself and save a whole lot of time and trouble. What the fuck is wrong with me? Jesus Christ, what a fuckin' worthless life.

Have you taken your medicine, farmboy? Have you called your therapist?

My therapist doesn't want me to call. He wants me to reach out, that's what he told me, but then he says not to call. Well, fuck him. Fuck everybody. Reaching out ain't no good if you can't do it. Everybody says you should reach out as long as you don't reach out to them.

I'm sorry, farmboy.

I'm just so fuckin' angry at the whole fuckin' world. Nothing fuckin' works. Goddamn it, so when the fuck do we get to we the almighty judge.? How fuckin' long do we have to wait? What the fuck is wrong with these people?

farmboy, did you take your medication?

Yes, I took my fuckin' medication. But it ain't helping. I just want to do harm to myself. I just want to rip my own skin off. I am so angry that I just fuckin' feel like getting a gun and blowing my fuckin' head off.

Call your therapist, farmboy.

I can't! I'm not allowed to. I got read the riot act last time I called. I did call and I left a little bit of a message but I'm not supposed to call. I'm not supposed to reach out unless it's to somebody else. And I'm sure no one else wants me reaching out to them either. Fuck reaching out. People like me don't need to real out. I'm a fuckin' freak, that's for sure.

When do you see your therapist, farmboy?

Wednesday. A million fuckin' years from now. And I'm sure he'll ask me about the phone message. I'm a bad patient.

Fuck this world, man. I am possessed by hate and anger and there's no fuckin' relief. 

I fuckin' hate my life with a passion. I need a gun.  And it's not just me that I want to shoot.