Sunday, March 5, 2017
farmboy is taking a storytelling class and is preparing his first story.
I was waiting for the ambulance, lying where I had fallen on the concrete and gravel, when it started raining. I thought, well, it just doesn't get worse than this. Little did I know.
-- going to emergency
-- falling twice
-- admitted into hospital
-- diagnosis and surgery
-- moved to physical rehab, legs in braces
Middle 1: life in rehab
-- "surreal" and "time machine"
-- haven't lived with people/walls
-- preconceptions about rehab
-- having own room, friends with instruments
-- but it was the staff...
-- examples of staff
-- staff would hang out
-- how staff broke through walls
-- making relationships w/staff
-- (song) keep the pain meds coming
Middle 2: mental breakdown
-- surgeon gives okay
-- try to stand, crying, flashback, therapists' reactions
-- the next two weeks, failure, misinformation
-- desperation, suicidal thoughts, dependency
Middle 3: leaving rehab
-- another transition
-- going to second rehab, brother's house
-- isolation and too much time to think
-- the novelty of loneliness
-- hanging out, by rehab
Conclusion: a work-in-progress
Another thing I did after I could leave the apartment and get around was get professional help. I knew I was in over my head.
-- emotional health work
-- outpatient mental health rehab
-- therapist: "they are not your friends"; "live your life"
I am living my life It's not easy and I hate it sometimes. I still miss the people from the rehab and will be grieving for a long time. I still can't believe they are not my friends, no matter how I try. And, believe me, I try. But in the meantime I live my life. And I do things that I never would have done without these experiences:
-- becoming closer to a few people
-- songwriting and performing
-- storytelling class
-- in other words, I'm living my life, no matter how much it hurts.
-- playing music at rehab
-- I am a work-in-progress. I am living my life and I can only trust I am moving in the right direction.