I was just born wrong

And the fun fuckin' continues. It's another day and already things have fucked up and I can't get myself over it. Jesus, does it ever fuckin' stop? This bad luck, I mean. I don't know what else to call it. Why the fuck can't something go right once in a fuckin' while?

I know it's hard, farmboy. Things will get better, really. I hate to tell you things like "Have faith," but, really, I don't know what else to say. I know it's been very hard for a very long time.

And there's no indication that it's ever gonna end. Fuck it. I'm just gonna fuckin' eat all the over processed food I want, I'm gonna stop walking, I'm gonna stop practicing. I mean, I may as well. Nothing fuckin' changes. Ever. There's never a pathway that has hope. It's just the same old bullshit day after fuckin' day. When will it end?

It will, farmboy, it will. I promise.

I don't see it. I don't see anything good ever happening to me. It's just fuck-up after fuck-up, as far as my life goes. 

What am I going to fuckin' do? How can I live like this? I'm in a fuckin' alternate universe where nothing positive can ever happen. 

I know I'm sounding the same every day now. That how seldom positive things happen. I'm serious; I don't know how much longer I can go on living like this. I take my medications, I do all the right stuff. I practice meditation and gratitude. But, man, I just don't have a clue. I was just born wrong.

I don't have anything to tell you, farmboy.

I know, man. Thanks for listening. You're very kind and very patient. I just wish this would all work out, but it's not. It's just another day in the life of a goddamn circus freak.