when Michael Jackson was innocent

life was so much simpler

when Michael Jackson was innocent

we all danced to Thriller

and sang along with the Jackson 5

we had fun with vinyl records

and we knew what every word meant

back in the 1980s

back when Michael Jackson was alive

I had my future before me

when Michael Jackson was innocent

back in the old days

when I played "I'll be There" on guitar

I would sing along with him

with high passion and intent

back in the 1980s

when Michael Jackson was a star

          why does life

          always change for the worse

          I don't know if time

          is a blessing or a curse

Oh, to be back in the day

when Michael Jackson was innocent

it seemed like we all had promise

even though it wasn't true

but now we worry about mental health

and how we're gonna pay the rent

back in the 1980s

when Michael Jackson lived in you

one good reason

I am not jealous of you

I don't think

I'm just in a sea of discontent

I'm going to sink

everything has gone wrong

for so long

that I can't see up

everything I've had

is so bad

I've had enough

all I need is one good thing

to happen to me right now

I just need to gain some speed

but I don't know how

everything just sucks

and I'm fucked

I don't know where I stand

everything I have lost

I've paid the cost

for who I am

          just give me one good reason

          to stick around

          I'm just looking for something

          I've never found

I don't want answers

I just need to breathe

I'm not sure of anything

that I believe

everything has turned upside down

but I'm around

to carry the burden

I just don't know

where I should go

my heart is hurting

          just give me one good reason

          to stick around

          I'm still looking for something

          I've never found

sorry for myself

I could feel sorry for myself

I could think of lots of reasons

but right now I can't be bothered

because time is running out

there is only so much time

months and years and seasons

and I don't want to waste it

that's not what my life is all about

if I wanted to be depressed

like I did in childhood days

I could give you answers

to questions you never asked

but time is moving swiftly

and I'm changing my old ways

because I don't want to waste it

I believe I'm up to the task

          I know that I have problems

          in my head I'm keeping score

          maybe I can't solve them

          but I know there's something more

if I wanted to be miserable

I could do it in a minute

there are disagreements in my brain

that love to be center stage

but I don't have the time now

I won't let myself be in it

this is what will happen

when you reach a certain age

          I know that I have issues

          and my worries never end

          but I'm clear out of tissues

          and I don't need that again

I could feel sorry for myself

but I don't have the time now

the seconds are ticking

the sun is going down

I'm trying to be grateful

I know my life is mine now

and I will take advantage

while I'm still around

emma fantasizes

emma fantasizes

when she watches TV

that she is on an award show

on the digital screen

and she is smartly dressed

in a Hollywood gown

emma fantasizes

she is the star of the town

emma memorizes

her thank you speech

all the fans in the bleachers

all the kids at the beach

she acknowledges her family

and all the folks in the biz

and all the little people

who made her what she is

get it right this time

last night I dreamed

I died and went to heaven

St. Peter welcomed me

with a glass of holy wine

I looked into his eyes

and asked him this question

can I do it all over

I swear I'll get it right this time

          I'll get it right this time

          I'll live in God's design

          I'll follow every sign

          and I'll get it right this time

I made so many mistakes

I never reached my potential

I wasted so much time

whining and watching TV

I complained about everything

and never counted blessings

just one more shot at life

that would be all right with me

St. Peter spoke right to me

"son, that's not the way it goes

you've got one chance at living

and that's all you'll ever get"

I said "well, that's not fair, man

I need to make adjustments

I've always waited for something

but it hasn't happened yet"

          I'll get it right this time

          I'll do the work that's mine

          I'll learn to walk the line

          and I'll get it right this time

and then I woke up

from my restless dreamy night

thinking of the future

and how it's so unkind

then I turned on the TV

and ate a bag of cheetos

and thought I'll start tomorrow

and I'll get it right this time

          I'll get it right this time

          perfection's in my mind

          I won't be left behind

          and I'll get it right this time

              

nothing to tell you

I've got nothing to tell you

there is nothing to say

you know all the reasons

that I am going away

you are not one of them

you've been a friend to me

it's just that there's a whole wide world

I have yet to see

when the morning sun comes up

when the darkness meets the dawn

I will leave in silence

I'll be moving on

I need to find a morning

that reaches out to find

me among its treasures

in a world that isn't mine

if you go to school

this is what they teach the teachers

in these modern times

lock the doors

turn out the lights

and close the windows' blinds

everybody must be quiet

nothing can be said

and if you make an error

there's a chance you'll end up dead

all the students must obey

if they want to live another day

you must follow all the rules

if you go to school

this is how you run a high school

in these modern times

only one door can be used

and staff will be assigned

to be aware of what can come

if violence breaks out

we must protect each other 

that's what school is now about

and everybody lives in fear

that Columbine can happen here

you must learn to keep your cool

if you go to school

everybody everywhere

in these modern times

will know the danger and the drill

and recognize the signs

everyone in all the schools

they all learn the same

staff and students meet the guns

and no one is to blame

and everybody must obey

and go through this everyday

the world inside is hard and cruel

if you go to school

chasing ghosts

this is how I spend my time

burning bridges in my mind

I will not be left behind

by those I love the most

I try to do my daily best

so why am I in such a mess

if you ask me how, I guess

I've been out chasing ghosts

I don't know why I've never caught them

if they were for sale, I would have bought them

I don't know why I haven't forgot them

they keep on leaning close

in the corners of my brain

the answers all turn out the same

I know that I'm the one to blame

I keep on chasing ghosts

one true word

all I need is one true word

to tell me what I'm feeling

I've thought about so many things

that my mind keeps reeling

but I don't know who I am

my head is just a traffic jam

someone help me if you can

I sure could use some healing

I started out today

with static in my head

I wanted to be clear and calm

but I'm this way instead

I don't mean to complain

when thoughts take over my brain

and confusion is all that remains

and it's not coming to an end

moment in history

choose a moment in history

pretend you are there

all your thoughts of the present

have vanished into the air

now you think like an elder

you look like an elder, too

just think of all the knowledge

you have inside of you

you are an elder in the tribe

your ancestors came from

you work the earth and live a life

that you have just begun

people look to you for wisdom

and you are very smart

with history in your brain

and respect in your heart

or maybe you're a peasant

in a country you don't know

you earn a poor man's wages

it's to the fields you go

you will not live a long time

life is hard and cruel

you live your life the best you can

and then your life is through

and then you go back to the present

you're sitting at the kitchen table

you always do the best you can

you know that you are able

so go ahead and take a nap

you know that you know how

you'll be so glad you're living

in the here and now

area code

I am not waiting for you to save me

fact is, I can save myself

I can make sure I'm still living

it's up to me and nobody else

thank you for your assistance

but I can make it on my own

it's up to me to choose who I am

I can do this all alone

and I'm not waiting for you to love me

I've been down that road before

I can't depend on nobody

I don't need you anymore

so goodbye, I've got to be leaving

my future is there down the road

maybe I'll call you someday

if I remember your area code

too many hours in the day

there are too many hours in the day

so I stay in bed till the afternoon

because there's nothing to get up for

and the sun rises way too soon

I am my best at 3 a.m.

when I should be asleep

no one should criticize me

for the hours that I keep

'cause that's just who I am

it's how I'll always be

there are too many hours in the day

for me

family waiting

I crossed the wild desert

where water is scarce

to start a new life

in the U.S. of A

I paid a man to take me

over the border

I prayed to the Lord

to show me the way

           I had family waiting

           my brother, his wife, and his kids

           but I never got to them

           I wish that I did

my body is failing

the water is gone

I see the vultures 

they fly overhead

waiting their turn

to pick at  my carcass

it's just a matter of time

until I am dead

          I had family waiting

          in the land of the free

          how could I have known

          it wasn't meant for me

my brother is waiting

he's at the front door

sure as the ground

he's walking upon

he doesn't know

the end of my journey

he doesn't know

that I am gone

          I had family waiting

          in Houston today

          maybe they'll discover

          that I've gone away

when something goes wrong

when something goes wrong

you can handle it

I know you can

you may be scared now

but someday you will understand

that you have strength inside you

that you have never known

your hope will be beside you

you are finally going home

it's not the same old song

when something goes wrong

when something goes right

you tend to disregard it

I know you do

you may doubt everything you are

but you know it isn't true

your heart may be broken

but your spirit still lives on

it's filled with words unspoken

when all your hope is gone

you know it all along

when something goes wrong

big mistake

I made a big mistake

I believed in myself

how was I to know

I should have been someone else

everything I ever wanted

none of it came true

now I wander aimlessly

wondering what to do

I made a big mistake

I thought I had a chance

but nothing turned out right

in my circumstance

everything I ever wanted

it never came to me

now I stare out into darkness

nothing for me to see

          all my dreams have disappeared

          there is nothing for me here

I made a big mistake

having faith in my heart

I thought I'd keep on moving

but I never got to start

everything I ever wanted

has faded in the dust

now there's no one to believe in

no one I can trust

I made a big mistake

now I cannot hope

it takes all the strength I have

just to try to cope

everything I ever wanted

never came to me

now an empty future

is all that I can see

I made a big mistake

hey, world

hey, world, look at me

I'm someplace I'm not supposed to be

I am not lost, I am not found

instead I'm just hanging around

waiting for the sun to shine

brightly on this life of mine

hey, world, here I am

all mixed up and in a jam

somewhere where trouble won't remind me

of all the places you have found me

I'm somewhere in the great unknown

not wanting to go back home

          where am I supposed to turn

          when I've got all my lessons learned

          I know I'm none of your concern

          but can you help me?

hey, world, where do I go

when life is someplace I don't know

and all I do is look around

ears wide open for the sound

of history and mystery inside my head

it's much better than what's there instead

hey, world, look at me

I'm somewhere I'm not supposed to be

I swear every word is true

as I spend my time looking for you

and waiting for the sun to shine

brightly on this life of mine

I am going away

I am going away

for more than a couple of days

will you be here when I return?

I won't be gone long

but home is where I belong

where my lessons have been learned

but still I must go

and just so you know

I'll be back soon

before the coming of fall

you are completely all

I am coming back to

brand new day

I've got nothing inside me

that I can tell you

all my memories

have gone away

there is nothing

that I'm trying to sell you

I'm just here, right now

in a brand new day

all of the bad times

the pains of my past

lessons unlearned

debts left to pay

they've been torn up and worn out

and thrown in the trash

I'm living right now

in a brand new day

          I used to live

          in sadness like before

          I don't live

          like that anymore

all of my yesterdays

are passed and gone

all of my words

have nothing to say

I now know

what road I'm walking on

I'm taking my time

on this brand new day

          I barely remember

          how it used to be

          right at this moment

          I am feeling free

you are free to join me

on this magic carpet ride

where trouble and fear

have nothing to say

life can be better

with you by my side

will you be mine

on this brand new day

          

I have a solution

I have a solution

to all my problems

which is: just ignore trhem

and it'll be all right

how was I to know

that never ever works

and now it's being broken

every day and night

          don't listen to my advice

          I don't know what I'm saying

          all those castles I made out of sand

          are falling and quickly decaying

all of my answers

are marked in red sharpies

they're telling me that

all my choices are wrong

I wander around

like I know what the truth is

but mistaken people

is where I belong

          don't listen to my advice

          I don't know where I'm going

          all the stuff that I know

          is stuff not worth knowing

you called me

looking back on yesterday

nothing really happened

it was just the same old same old

with the exception of you

I was just hanging

doing the chores 

doing what needs to be done

that's what I paid attention to

but then you called me

on the telephone

I almost didn't answer

like I wasn't at home

your voice, it calmed me

like nothing else would

the voices inside my head

they're up to no good

but then you called me

I don't matter anymore

wherever I am

whatever I do

I cannot get

over you

because I don't matter anymore

wherever you're at

whatever you see

I know that it doesn't

include me

I don't matter anymore

          the steps I take

          the plans I make

          all add up

          to one big mistake

          and I'm put back

          where I was before

          I guess I don't matter anymore

do you remember

I don't think that you do

I was the one

who would pull you through

but I don't matter anymore

there in the past

that's where I stay

guess I'm not crossing

your mind today

I don't matter anymore

          the hopes I had

          have gone away

          they won't live

          another day

          I'm losing now

          if you're keeping score

          I guess I don't matter anymore

if you look for me

I will not be here

somewhere inside your heart

I have disappeared

I don't matter anymore

if by chance

you think of me

remember how

I set you free

there's nothing left to explore

I guess I don't matter anymore

I want to be invisible

I want to be invisible

I don't want to be noticed

I want everyone to walk on by

no eyes on me

my intentions are focused

I can't meet anybody's eyes

too much attention

can make you insane

it takes up too much of

both sides of the brain

this is my story

you can't deny

I want to be invisible

I want life to pass me by

there's too many people

I just want to be silent

with no thoughts crossing my mind

I am not angry

I'm not being defiant

there's just nothing to find

I want to stay at home

where safety reigns

where the same old thing

is all that remains

standing in one place

just like before

I want to be invisible

I need to be ignored

          I don't need to say hello

          if I see you on the street

          there's no place I need to go

          no one I have to meet

I want to be invisible

I don't need to be seen

I don't want anyone looking at me

it's like I'm under water

in my own submarine

you need a periscope to see

maybe someday

I'll be hanging outside

but right here and now

I just need to hide

away from everybody

away from people like you

I want to be invisible

that's all I need to do

maps

I look at maps everyday

I open my atlas and wish I could go away

but I can't

I'm stuck

the victim of

bad luck

stuck here in a hospital bed

with places I'd rather be instead

but I have my maps right here

in their world I disappear

within my maps my dreams are held

to live their lives for themselves

they take me places I can't go

in lands that I may never know

I can't move much without pain

but my wanderlust, it still remains

and I have my maps in my hands

in their world I understand

so do what you will for my behalf

I pray this injury will not last

that I might someday see the earth

but let me tell you for what it's worth

this life can be cruel and unkind

but I can travel inside my mind

I have my maps to pull me through

and for right now they'll have to do

have you considered therapy?

maybe you're just looking for attention

but I think it's more than that

this is not a one-time situation

no, this is where your mind is at

you need to find the strength within you

I know sometimes it's there for me

maybe you need someone to talk to

have you considered therapy?

safe and sound

what would happen if I took the day off

call in sick to work

stayed in bed with pillows under my head

would I be considered a jerk

drink hot coffee

surf the internet

not thinking about anything

I'd like to forget

I'm sure something can happen

but it hasn't happened yet

I'm safe and sound

what would happen if I refused to work

would I be a welfare case

all those days with nothing to say

I would like them all erased

I think about the things

that I could get done

with no deadline ahead

I could be number one

if there are worries

I can't think of one

I'm safe and sound

what would happen if life was good

would it be bad for my writing

or would it be great to appreciate

a life that is fun and exciting

all of my problems

I'd put on the shelf

or I'd give them away

to somebody else

there's no one I'd rather be

than myself

I'm safe and sound

anywhere but here

I need to go somewhere

that I've never been before

I know deep in my bones

there must be something more

so I'll make my plans

and I'll do my research

to find a place

where people don't say "me first"

because I need to go

where the past is behind me

where it can't find me

where there is no fear

I need to be

anywhere but here

I need to see a face

of someone who's kind to me

instead of the people in my past

those who have lied to me

they must be somewhere

that I can find

they can't only exist

in the back of my mind

because I need to go

where I head for the future

where daydreams are nurtured

problems disappeared

I need to be

anywhere but here

television haiku

my television

knows me better than I do

so it's my best friend

very same thing

today's a day

like the day before

and the day before that

and the day before that

I wake up in the morning

I feel anxiety coming

shivering and humming

like I don't know where I'm at

but I do

I'm someplace that I was before

and I don't have the strength to ignore

everyday

I do the very same thing

very same thing

it's always the same

I go to my job

and punch in my time card

it shouldn't be too hard

but today it is

it's just like it was before

I can't take it anymore

          help me to change this life

          I can't go through this again

          help me to make it right

          this time I can't go in

one more time

doing it over

doing it over

doing it over once more

I need a change

this isn't working

and I don't think my way

is worth working for

today is bad

tomorrow will be the same

I'm asking

who's to blame

I made a mistake

I made a mistake

and it wasn't a big one

but I can't forget about it

as hard as I try

I keep hitting my head

with a make-believe hammer

but that mistake won't let me

leave or pass by

I try to focus my mind

on some other project

like washing the dishes

or writing a song

but my mistake

won't let me forget it

it represents all

I have ever done wrong

          before my brain

          goes completely insane

          let me think about something else

          I need it to change

          but the mistake still remains

          I can't get it out of myself

I made a mistake

but it won't be the last one

I know there are plenty

to look forward to

I hope I take each one

and quickly forget it

I don't need its whining

when my mistake is through

I'm going downtown

I'm opening the front door

I'm walking out to find

a new group of choices

to take over my mind

should I go that way?

should I go this?

should I make up for

the time that I've missed?

all this time at home

has messed me around

I'm going downtown

I know that it's scary

and that it's unknown

but it's a whole lot better

than staying at home

I could hear music

I could hear jokes

I could listen in

when strangers have spoken

all this time at home

has gotten me down

I'm going downtown

right there's an Uber

right there's a bus

mass transit is good

for a whole lot of us

take me somewhere

I don't even know

point me the way

and I'll be sure to go

all this time at home

is not safe and sound

I'm going downtown

young again

I wish I was young again

I would not make 

the same mistakes

I would have the courage

to change my life

until I make it right

I would treat each sunrise

as if it were a time of peace

I would treat every midnight

as a time of release

into my dreams

as they come

if I were young

I wish I believed in love

knocking at my door

it never did before

I would have the courage

to make a start

to open my heart

I would treat every person

friendly and kind

without preconceptions

that form in my mind

that's what I'd dream of

if I believed in love

          life is filled with change

          that's all that remains

I wish I was young again

I would not be afraid

of decisions I've made

I would have the courage

to try things that are new

I'd follow it through

I would treat myself

in ways I don't expect

with some compassion

and a little respect

that's what I would do

I'd be my own friend

if I was young again

everybody is sad

everybody is sad

it's part of the human condition

but we try to deny it

every chance we get

finding love

does not need permission

it needs a down payment

I am drowning in debt

everybody is sad

it's what makes us human

but we try to ignore it

as much as we can

finding love

is what's keeping us moving

as we keep searching

for someone to understand

          when do I graduate

          from this school of lost chances

          is there growth after all of this pain

          I've had my fill

          of bad circumstances

          well-meaning glances

          are all that remain

because everybody is sad

though we want to change it

for better or worse

we're willing to fight

finding love

we may try to rearrange it

and if we're lucky

there's a chance that we might

my messy life (rewrite 1)

I have a messy life

just look at my apartment

the carpet needs to be vacuumed

the dishes must be done

and just like my apartment

my brain could use some cleaning

interruptions and excuses

trouble I can't outrun

within my messy mind

I try to take out the garbage

but no matter how I work

there's still more left to do

stolen conversations

and promises left broken

memories unwanted

and lies I thought were true

          back up the dump truck

          and let me fill it up

          it's damn near overflowing

          it's getting toward the top

my messy life won't rest

my head keeps on working

planning its escape

from its messy mental home

but still I keep on trying

blind faith and meditation

some self-medication 

old tricks I've never known

in my messy life

you'll see me here tomorrow

cleaning out the cobwebs

washing every window pane

thinking that it's neater

until tomorrow happens

when I see my messy life

and find it's still the same

my messy life

I have a messy life

just look at my apartment

the carpet needs a vacuum

the dishes must be done

and just like my apartment

my brain could use some cleaning

interruptions and excuses

trouble I can't outrun

in my messy mind

I am taking out the garbage

but no matter how I work

there's still more left to do

stolen conversations

and promises left broken

memories unwanted

and lies I thought were true

          back up the dump truck

          and let me fill it up

          it's damn near overflowing

          filled with more than just enough

in my messy life 

I have the best intentions

I know how to change my fate

and stop my worried mind

I'll take every example

of my brain's unwanted knowledge

push it to the sidelines

and leave it far behind

but that just won't work for me

my head keeps on working

planning my escape

from my messy mental home

but still I keep on trying

blind faith and meditation

more antidepressants 

old tricks I've never known

in my messy life

you'll see me here tomorrow

cleaning out the cobwebs

washing every window pane

saying someday it will be neater

until tomorrow happens

when I start to clean my messy life

and find it's still the same

doing what has to be done (rewrite 1)

I went out walking

to get my feet moving

I need to get my heart rate up

I feel my health improving

with every step I take

on this sidewalk of cement

I watch out for cars

I don't want an accident

it's just me

out in the midday sun

doing what has to be done

I started listening

to the voices of my heart

I hope I hear some wisdom

but I don't know where to start

so I keep on listening

there's so much I need to hear

if I didn't have these voices

I think I might disappear

it's just me

looking out for number one

doing what has to be done

          I can't live

          the way I did before

          so I'm heading out

          I've opened the back door

I stopped pretending

I only know what I do

still I look for opportunities

for life to pull me through

to show me a way

only I could know

I need to find out

which direction to go

I feel like it's ending

but I know it's just begun

I'm just doing what has to be done