I'm in fuckin' trouble here

(farmboy has tears streaming down his face)

I need to talk to you. Can I talk to you?

(alarmed) farmboy, what's wrong?

Oh man. (farmboy begins crying, then starts trying to hold it back)

What's going on, farmboy?

I'm, like, all worried and stressed and...scared, man. And I'm all emotional inside and I'm, like, going to burst into something and I don't know what. And I'm overtired and my eyelids are making sounds.

Your eyelids are doing what?

It's not really my eyelids, it's more my eyeballs...

I have no idea what you mean. Tell me.

It's kinda weird, but, like, if I move my eyes one way or another I can hear my eyes moving.

Does this happen often?

No. I thought maybe it happens when my blood sugar is low or high, but I just tested it and it was good.

Anyway, I was practicing this one song and I was, like, starting to cry. And I hardly ever cry. And here I'm doing it in the song.

Do I know the song?

It goes:

I am not an orphan

I am not an orphan

I am not an orphan in this world

Though my mom and dad are gone

And I'm left to carry on

I am not an orphan in this world

Did you write that?

Depends. Do you like it?

I can see what singing that would be emotional for you.

Yeah, but I've sung it, like, hundreds of times and I don't know why...

Don't even question it, farmboy. Just feel it.

Did you hear your eyes while singing?

Not that I'm aware of. I was busy trying to fuckin' sing and I was fuckin' crying and trying not to cry.

So, on one hand you're trying to hold back emotions and on the other hand you're being emotional.

Yeah. I guess so.

Listening to your eyes...any idea why this happens.

Usually it happens after I've been off medications for awhile.

Uh...what kind of medications?

(farmboy averts his eyes and whispers)

Antidepressants.

I couldn't hear you. What...

(louder) Antidepressants.

What? farmboy, what the hell are you doing?

(starts crying) I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You're not taking your antidepressants? What the hell are you thinking, farmboy?

I called in the order later than I should have and I ran out. I got the refills in the mail today. I'll start on them again tonight, don't get mad at me. Please.

This isn't about being mad, farmboy...

But you are mad.

I'm glad you didn't stop taking them on purpose. Then I would be mad. Be honest with me. Do I have to lecture you, farmboy?

(quietly) No.

Good.

I know the dangers.

You are going to start taking them, right.

Yes sir.

(Angry) You stop smarting off. Stop right now.

(farmboy bursts into sobbing)

I'm not smarting off. That just came out. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I'm in fuckin' trouble here, man!

(The interviewer takes a deep breath)

I'm sorry, farmboy. I shouldn't have yelled at you.

That's okay.

Listen, farmboy. Take your meds, eat some supper, and get some sleep. Promise me you'll take your meds.

I will.

We'll see how you feel tomorrow.

Okay.

You okay?

I feel...

Beat up?

Beat up.

You get rest, farmboy. It'll start getting better.

Tomorrow?

Starting tomorrow.

Oh, man...

You'll be okay, farmboy. You will.