Real good at abdicating responsibility

What have you been thinking about lately, farmboy?

A lot of things, but mostly worrying about whatever.

Let me tell you about a couple of things. One has to do with songwriting, which is just that I can take lots of stuff this world throws at me, but here's the bottom line: I need to write songs that are fuckin' great -- that are great to me -- and I need to stop turning away from music. 'Cause that always leads to no good. It leads to bitterness and anger and hatred and self-pity.

Which brings me to thought number two.

Now I'm curious...

My co-pays on my health insurance have gone down, if you can believe it, to ten dollars a visit. Which means I can go see a counselor to help me shed this self-destructive and self-defeating skin. We can work not just on the reasons why and the fears and the lack of confidence, I think I can find a way to do this.

That's great, farmboy. So how are you going to do this? Do you have any goals?

Well, I'd like to make my entire living making music...

Which you can do. That's what you're working toward. But I think it would be good for you to have some short-term goals. What are your goals for this week. Even just one goal is enough.

Um...Okay. I will call the insurance company about getting started with this mental health stuff.

Good, farmboy.

And, look, here's a second one. I will take a demo CD and a resume to this venue that I'd like to play at.

Two goals -- very good. How can I help?

You can get mad at me if I don't do it.

No, no, that's not my department. You have to do that for yourself. You're a grown man who is responsible -- you do it.

Yeah, I figured you'd say that.

So why did you ask?

Doesn't hurt to try. I'm real good at abdicating responsibility.

You are, are you?

I'm really trying not to do that any more. It is important to me to be responsible, to be independent. Unfortunately, that collides with my laziness and depression.

But you're a good worker, farmboy. I've seen you work.

That's because I'm afraid of my own laziness. Seriously.

That might not be such a bad fear. At least not at this time.

At this time I need all the help I can get.

That's why I'm here.

You're gonna have a lot of fuckin' work, man, A lot of work.