ode to 2016

2016 is at its close
and there's nothing good to say
except I'm grateful for all those
I've met along the way
whose kindness helped me weather
the mighty storms that came
I'm glad we were together
I hope they feel the same

when you're poor

when you're poor
you wait in line
you wait in line
all the time
and the line grows longer
every day
when you're poor
you do your time
you do your time
waiting in line
and when your time comes
no one can say

when you're poor
it's so frustrating
you're always waiting
anticipating
the worst to come true
when you're poor
you're always hating
the time become grating
because waiting
is all you ever do

          nobody cares

          unless you have money 
          everyone's responsible
          for themselves
          nobody cares
          unless you have money
          and can help make profits
          for somebody else

when you're poor
you're always afraid
you're always afraid
the rent can't be paid
and the kids won't be fed
when you're poor
they lay it on thick
you can't afford to be sick
it's one of life's dirty tricks
and you don't come out ahead

          nobody cares
          your time is worthless
          there's no reason 
          to help you out
          nobody cares
          your time is worthless
          that's what business
          is all about

hen you're poor
you're always hoping
you're always hoping
for better days
when you're poor
you're always hoping
you're always hoping
and that's okay
because that's what you do
when you're poor

fishing for answers 2

I hope the bait is taken
I've done everything I oughta
you know it's down there waiting
deep underneath the water
hook, line and sinker
starboard and port
you ask me why
this is my retort
I'm fishing for answers
I'm fishing for answers

hand me my fishing pole
right now the tide is high
go down to the fishing hole
I got some fish to fry
I need to learn
a lot of stuff
this life I live
is too damn rough
I'm fishing for answers
I'm fishing for answers

          I don't know nothing
          about nothing
          about nothing 
          about myself
          that's why I got
          all those unread self-help books
          on that dusty shelf

I may flounder around a bit
with this ol' fishing rod
but this ain't for the halibut
I swear to cod
crown and anchor
fishing boat
I'm merely trying 
to stay afloat
I'm fishing for answers
I'm fishing for answers
I'm fishing for answers
ssshh...
I think I caught one

that's what you like

give me a second
I new to find some new excuses
because somehow, I reckon,
you'll find out what the truth is
I'm not quite a liar
I'm creative with facts
I've burning with desire
you need to relax

          I'm no good for you
          what your ma said was true
          I'm no good for you
          and that's what you like

give me your attention
give me all your love
I'll show you some affection
if I think I have enough
just what your problem is
I don't understand
you are my sweet baby mama
I'm your loving man

          I'm no good for you
          what your ma said was true
          I'm no good for you
          and that's what you like

pretending to forget

I should be on that bus
I should be riding that ol' Greyhound
they say "leave the driving to us"
fact is I can't afford to lose ground
and if anyone's concerned
I don't know which way to turn
of all the lessons I've had to learn
this is the hardest yet
pretending to forget

I should have done this long ago
I should trusted my own voice
instead I've been afraid to grow
fact is now I have no choice
and if anybody cares
I'll be hobbling down the stairs
completely unaware
of the meaning of regret
I'm pretending to forget

maybe I shouldn't have these dreams
what if hope is not allowed?
well, the problem is, it seems,
it's too late for that now
and if I could read the signs
I'd see what I need to find
if I trusted my own mind
this ain't russian roulette
I'm just pretending to forget

I gotta get a passport now

So I've decided to go to Ireland.

Ireland? That's great, farmboy! Give me details.

My friends Matt and Nancy put on a songwriters' retreat there for a week in April, up in the northwest corner. Donegal.

I think we're gonna be in two houses somewhere out in the country and we'll go into town at night to go to pubs and hear music.

I can't believe I'm fuckin' doing this.

I think it's about time,personally. Do you think you can handle it physically? And emotionally, for that matter?

My physical therapist thinks I'll be fine, and does my psychologist. My psychiatrist thinks it's a great idea. I have a fuckin' team now (laughs). And they all think I should do new things,, meet new people, have new experiences.

I do too, farmboy.

Well, I'm committed. I gotta get a passport now.

You've got a little less than four months. You should be able to do a lot of research about Ireland in that time.

Yeah. The planning's gonna be real exciting.

2017 is going to be an interesting year, man. Real interesting...

fiction 2

I don't want to live in fiction no more
I want to live in the present tense
I don't want to look at life when it goes
and be confused by where it went
I don't want to live in fiction no more
I want to live in the here and now
and I was thinking you
were somebody who
could show me around
who wouldn't put me down
who could show me what life holds in store
I don't wanna live

I don't wanna live in fiction no more
I want a life with the girl I love
I look around
and see a battleground
of which I've had enough
I don't want to live in fiction no more
I want family and friends
I need to see 
what's in front of me
with no reason to pretend
I can see clearly again
today I'm walking out that door
I don't wanna live
I don't wanna live in fiction no more

new used car

I'm looking for a new used car

I'm looking for a new used car

one that will take me far

away from you

it's gonna be home for me

with hobo hospitality

maybe I should buy an SUV

not a BMW

          I don't mind sleeping in my car

          if that's not where you are

          there's open sky

          unbroken road

          and lots of quiet

I'm looking for a new used car

so I can follow my northern star

just me and my guitar

without you

          I don't mind driving a million miles

          but I will not let you put me on trial

          I need to find out what I'm made of

          when I'm by myself

I'm looking for a new used car

I'm looking for a new used car

one that will take me far

away from you

I just want one Christmas

I just want one Christmas
without fuckin' drama
without something major going wrong
to ensure that I don't get Christmas
like other people

I just want one Christmas
where I don't feel like 
God has deserted me

I just want one Christmas
where I don't have to cry

I keep thinking 
one year I'll get it right
problem is
I'm running out of time

dehydration (if I cry any more)

if I cry any more
I'm gonna become dehydrated
not a great situation
the state of dehydration
if I cry any more
I will have call the nurse's station
at emergency
to come take care of me
that's what's in store
if I cry any more

depression 101 (in this life of mine)

in this life of mine,
I've learned one major lesson
nothing messes up an apartment
faster than depression
why wash the dishes?
they'll just get dirty once again
everything gets dirty
nothing is your friend
and I need to feel nothing
right about now
throw out the trash?
I don't know how
in this life of mine
in this life of mine

in this life of mine,
I have one major question
is there anything in life
that doesn't lead to depression
here's what you do
if you don't feel good
take a nice walk 
around the neighborhood
worry every worry
till you worry it though
and if you hurry
you can worry
about something new
in this life of mine
in this life of mine

         oh depression
         please explain
         you keep messing
         with my brain
         what exactly am I supposed to you
         when I'm locked and chained
         to you
         to you

in this life of mine
I keep hoping and guessing
to find a way out
and over depression
but I make 
this confession to you
nothing that 
I try to do
will clean the apartment
when instead
I'm spending all
my time in bed
but it won't matter
no one will care
this is not just self-pity
I swear

         oh depression
         please explain
         you keep messing
         with my brain
         what exactly am I supposed to you
         when I'm locked and chained
         to you
         to you
         when I'm locked and chained 
         to you

But when you get burned...

Fuck everything, man. Why does every fuckin' thing in my life have to be such a fuckin' production? Nothing fuckin' works.

So what happened this time, farmboy?

I'm just frustrated, man. I've been trying to get in touch with people who ignore you, I'm dealing with people who can't fuckin' communicate like decent human beings. And it seems like that's the only way it's been going lately.

So I feel like I'm gonna fuckin' explode all the fuckin' time. I fly off the handle at any little thing, mostly at myself and God. I'm so fuckin' angry all the time because I feel like I have no choice but to be a loser, no matter what I do or how hard I work. I always fuckin' go back to square one.

It feels that way, I know. But -- look, farmboy, you've been working. You're doing all this mental health stuff. You're seeing a psychologist, a psychiatrist for medication, a physical therapist, an occupational therapist. You took that ten day mental health training. You exercise, you write songs constantly...

That's because nobody will listen to me otherwise. Not that anybody ever hears the songs...

farmboy, people might listen to you if you give them a chance. You're so busy rejecting yourself that you never reach out.

Well, that's because I'm afraid.

Afraid of what?

Rejection.

You got friends, farmboy. You need to trust them.

But when you get burned...

I know, farmboy. It's hard. It's complicated being human.

Maybe, but I'm proceeding real cautiously. That's the only way I can do it. Or try to do it.

And what is "it", farmboy?

Fuck if I know, man.

what I don't want for Christmas

what I don't want for Christmas
are arguments
disagreements too
I don't want to see
family
get angry and unglued
what I don't want for Christmas
are silly songs that just won't cease
all I want for Christmas
is peace

what I don't want for Christmas
are outrageous shopping bills
I'm appalled
at shopping malls
down in Granada Hills
what I don't want for Christmas
are plastic reindeer flying above
all I want for Christmas 
is love

          Santa can give the latest toys
          digital files of background noise
          CDs of the Little Drummer Boy
          sung by David and Bing
          Santa can give you lots of loot
          cute recruits in mohair suits
          strap yourself to a tree with roots
          but they don't mean a thing

what I don't want for Christmas
are a million ho-ho-ho's
telling me
what's wrong with me
as if I didn't know
what I don't want for Christmas
and you know that I'm correct
is anything to do
with the president elect

no wonder I'm confused

the left side of my brain
has changed places with my right
and I'm misreading all the clues
there's a north star to direct me
but it's fading out of sight
no wonder I'm confused

my words are scrambled
my thoughts all hurt
and I can't pay my union dues
my pants are on backwards
and there's blood on my shirt
no wonder I'm confused

I wait 3

I wait
for that time of the morning
after the postman 
goes on his way
so I 
can open the mailbox
see that it's empty
and continue my day
I'm ain't saying I'm used to rejection
but natural selection
has tricks up its sleeve
I always have to throw a wrench in
the dumbest direction
you wouldn't believe

I wait

for the faintest of smiles

nods of approval

pats on the head

I may

as well have been born a puppy

I need someone to love me

but they ignore me instead

I just might trust life

maybe

if only

I wasn't so lonely

and scared to be me

maybe I need someone to show me

at least try to know me

I ain't as bad as I seem

I wait

for life to come take me

I hope it doesn't mistake me

for somebody else

my hair's turned gray

and I ain't getting no younger

but I still have this hunger

so I'll be here as long as it takes
I'm hoping that it's not too late

I wait

there will be Christmas this year

there will be Christmas this year  
though there's not many presents
under the tree
there's still good times to come
for you and me
we can still have reason to cheer
there will be Christmas this year

listen 
we hear Nat "King" Cole
and Andy Williams
and Elvis for free
graced by the presence
of our off-key harmonies
we still sound great to my ears
there will be Christmas this year

          shut off that TV
          turn off the news
          don't you think maybe
          you should kick off your shoes
          don't pay attention
          don't try to fix
          there'll be plenty of time
          December 26

here's my Christmas wishes for you
love from your family
neighbors and friends
and a river of peace
that has no end
with no signs of worries and fear
there will be Christmas
the spirit with be with us
there will be Christmas this year
there will be Christmas this year

hobo jungle 3

down at the edge of town
where the waters run down
down where the weeds grow high
south of the county line
there's something you should know
about somewhere you shouldn't go
and they call it hobo jungle

back when I was a kid 
I remember my mama said
"son, if you don't start walking straight
boy, it will be your fate
you'll wind up just like them
who meet their bitter end
down in hobo jungle"

          I wanted to see
          mom said "no!"
          which made me 
          bound and determined to go
          undermining
          parental law
          trouble is
          I liked what I saw

people not wasting time in school
people making their own rules
people living happy and carefree
people who were not like me
but I knew right then and there
my future would be somewhere
there in hobo jungle

so on graduation day
I knew I had to get away
I packed up my stuff
got on the city bus
got out and hitched a ride
and nervously stepped inside
the place called hobo jungle

          now, I was scared 
          to talk to them
          but they up and 
          welcomed me in
          a cuppa joe
          espresso strong
          I felt like I belonged

now it's my home sweet home
out here in the great unknown
living where living's not too hard
far from my mama's yard
happy as a proverbial clam
being exactly who I am
down in hobo jungle
down in hobo jungle
down in hobo jungle

I wait 2

I wait
for that time of the morning
after the postman 
goes on his way
so I 
can open the mailbox
see that it's empty
and continue my day
I'm ain't saying I'm used to rejection
but natural selection
has tricks up its sleeve
I always have to throw a wrench in
the dumbest direction
you wouldn't believe

I wait

for the faintest of smiles

nods of approval

pats on the head

I may

as well been born a puppy

I need someone to love me

but they ignore me instead

I just might trust life

maybe

if only

I wasn't so lonely

and scared to be me

maybe I need someone to show me

at least try to know me

I ain't as bad as I seem

I wait

for life to come take me

I hope it doesn't mistake me

for somebody else

'cause I

I need some attention

a little affection

somebody to help

to help me before it's too late, now

I'd appreciate

it if you were kind

sometimes I think it's my fate, now

that I always head straight 

to the end of the line

I wait

with my fingers a-tappin'

I want something to happen

that's been there all along

my hair's turned gray

and I ain't getting no younger

but I still have this hunger

so I guess for as long as it takes

I'll wait

I wait

I wait
for that time of the morning
after the postman 
goes on his way
so I 
can open the mailbox
see that it's empty
and continue my day
I'm not saying I'm used to rejection
but natural selection
has tricks up its sleeve
I always have to throw a wrench in
the dumbest direction
you wouldn't believe

winter roads

winter roads are dangerous
when you're from southern California
look, I just thought I'd warn you
I don't know how to drive
in the snow, so it's dangerous
to follow close behind me
your headlights trying to blind me
while I'm trying to stay alive

oh, look, I'm sliding down the hill
I'll just slam on the brakes now
I think I made a mistake now
and Lord knows I will pay
a fine for sliding down the hill
there's a school bus with children
God knows I don't want to kill them
but they won't get out of my way

you ain't the boss of me

I don't want to learn anything new
I've had enough lessons
I can decide what I need to do
and I don't need your permission
I can look in the mirror
and not hate what I see
you ain't the boss of me

hobo jungle (rewrite 2)

down at the edge of town
where the river runs down
where the weeds grow high
just south of the county line
there's something you should know
about somewhere you shouldn't go
and they call it hobo jungle

back when I was a kid 
I remember my mama said
"son, if you don't walk the narrow and straight
boy, it will be your fate
you'll be just like those men
who meet their bitter end
down in hobo jungle"

          I wanted to visit
          mom said "no!"
          which made me 
          bound and determined to go
          undermining
          parental law
          trouble is
          I liked what I saw

people not wasting time in school
people making their own rules
people with books and no TV
people who were not like me
and I knew right then and there
my future might lie somewhere
there in hobo jungle

          now, I was scared 
          to talk to them
          but they up and 
          welcomed me in
          a cuppa joe
          espresso strong
          I felt like I belonged

 somehow the years flew by
 but I kept in mind
 the fate that waited for me
 on the day I'd be set free
 when my eighteenth birthday came
 I left my home and found my way
 back to hobo jungle

and now it's my home sweet home
out here in the great unknown
living where living's not too hard
far from my mama's yard
happy as a proverbial clam
being exactly who I am
down in hobo jungle
down in hobo jungle
down in hobo jungle

staying awake

I am so afraid
of not falling asleep
that I never fall asleep
like I should
I should be sawing logs into firewood
but I am so afraid
of staying awake
that staying awake
is all I do
I've tried pills and drinking
still, I lie there thinking
for God's sake!
give me a break!
is there a worse fate
than staying awake

classic example of a fool 2

I've got more issues than national geographic
I wish my dad had worn a prophylactic 
I don't mind being lost in crosstown traffic
I don't know who I am but I know I'm a classic

          classic example of a fool
          blaming the others
          while you hide under covers
          classic example of a fool
          brother, you better
          get your shit together

I'd like you to meet my crazy fiancé
she's best friends with jay z and beyoncé
do you know who they are? oh you do? 
well, you don't say
I picture you listening to harry belafonte

          (who's not a) classic example of a fool
          you don't play a guitar
          you're not a superstar
          classic example of a fool
          you're just a regular joe
          leaving skidmarks in the snow

karma

karma's a bitch
and believe me, I know
'cause I gather bad karma
wherever I go
and wherever I go
bad karma is there
waiting for me
to pay my fair share

the one left behind

there's a sadness in the winter
icicles melting from the trees
there's a sadness in the winter
you can feel it in the memory of leaves
but it's nothing compared
to the emptiness inside
your body and soul
when you're the one left behind

there's no reason for the morning
when it's the same day as before
there's no reason for the morning
you don't need it anymore
it's like someone in your heart
put up a "no trespassing" sign
and everyone obeys
when you're the one left behind

this bed feels like home
you might just stay there all day
you turn off the phone
nobody's gonna call anyway
maybe turn on some music
hank williams or patsy cline
that's what you need
when you're the one left behind

don't give me no good news
don't try to cheer me up
don't give me no good news
no, I believe I've seen enough
I still have some hope
but I'm trying to drink it out of my mind
'cause there's no need for hoping
when you're the one left behind

there's a sadness in the winter
icicles melting from the trees
there's a sadness in the winter
you can feel it in the memory of leaves
but it's nothing compared
to the emptiness inside
your body and soul
when you're the one left behind