Wednesday, April 13, 2016

I have to be strong and I feel so weak

Everything is getting more complicated with each day. So there's a chance that I may be going to a hospital for more intensive therapy. People have been advising me to hire an attorney to see if the bus company -- I fell off the back exit -- can pay any expenses. I was really hoping it wouldn't come to that.

I'm fuckin' scared, man, and I wish this was over. I wish to God this had never happened. I want to be a child again, with my parents still alive. I want to feel safe, not like everything is in jeopardy. I want to feel like I'm not gonna fall and fuck up the surgery that was done two months ago.

I've cried more in the last couple weeks than I have in a long, long time. It's bringing all sorts of stuff out: my past, my future, my attachment to people...Man, this is so fuckin' hard. I want it over. 

And it will be, farmboy. It will. I promise.

I hope so, man. I want this over so bad, but I know there's no way that can happen. I have to be strong and I feel so weak. So I'm gonna have to find my courage and be strong anyway. I have to. I don't know exactly how, but I have to, man. I have to be strong. I have to be strong.

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