Like I always do

I've been thinking about how everything changed in this non-walking life of mine. I tried so hard to be positive. And that worked for a while, a good while. But, man, when everything changes, it doesn't waste any fuckin' time, does it?

It's like I kept pushing everything down and it decided it had to come out. And I was tired. And that's when it struck.

I don't think you need to think so much, farmboy. Just do the best you can. You'll get better, you'll walk again. It will happen. I promise.

But what if it doesn't?

It will. Trust me.

I want to believe it, man. But it's so fuckin' hard. I mean, you try getting into a walker when your legs have to be completely straight and you're balancing yourself on your heels. Not to mention that you have to hold on to the walker with one hand while pushing yourself up with the other hand from the wheelchair.

Yes, it is hard and I don't envy you for being in the position you're in. But others have done it, farmboy, and there's no reason why you can't do it. 

But it's hard and I'm afraid, man.

I know. But you're a smart guy, farmboy. You'll figure out a way. I know you will.

I know. It's just that I'm so depressed. And isolated. But I have to do this. I have to.

And you will. I know it. And you know it too. But you have to let it work. Give yourself a chance.

When do you have therapy today?

I don't know. They never tell me. Okay, sometimes they tell me. But less and less, it seems.

But, you know, I'll go to it, like I always do, and I'll do the work, just like I always do. One of these days I'll get it.

You will, farmboy.

I better. My insurance is running out soon