You're a pretty smart feller, Mister Interviewer

Man, I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do. I have this friend of mine -- a good friend, I've known her for years -- keeps calling me to talk about her health problems and her frustrations and her complaints and I just can't fuckin' handle it right now. I've got major, major problems going on and I'm just not any good right now at devoting my life to somebody else's problems.

I don't get it, farmboy. Does she know about your situation right now?

Yeah. I think she wants to be illness buddies and that's the last fuckin' thing I want! 

I've tried hinting around and she just doesn't fuckin' get it. I knock on my own door and tell her my neighbor needs me. It's fuckin' ridiculous.

Have you said anything to her about this? I mean actual talking, not just hinting around.

Not really. I don't want to hurt her feelings and, you know, I'm the king of passive/aggressiveness. But I'm gonna have to say something. And I don't want to be pissed off while I do it.

Here's my suggestion, farmboy. Do some thinking and come up with the kindest way you can tell her that your life is difficult right now and that sometimes you're not going to be able to give her the full support she needs. You might suggest that she call other people or even get some professional help.

I'll try to come up with something, I really will. That sounds like it could be something. You're a pretty smart feller, Mister Interviewer...

Well, thank you. farm...

Which is better than being a fart-smeller! Ha! Get it? Boy, you fell right into that one!

Thank you, ladies and germs! I'll be here all week!

Don't forget to tip your waitress.