master class

I could teach a master class

on how to be sad

I could teach millions

how to feel bad

first you isolate

don't talk to anyone else

hole up in your apartment

talk amongst yourself

don't open the front door

don't think of being free

I could teach a master class

on how to be me

you could take my master class

if you're too happy and sane

just take a look around you

find someone to blame

I could teach you how to criticize

the human that you are

and teach you guilt and envy

that'll get you far

into pain and sorrow

and worries that don't end

I could teach a master class

I hope that you attend

in this brand new master class

you'll find out all the ways

to trap the soul inside you

and throw all the good away

I'll teach you how to panic

I'll teach you how to fret

I'll teach you all the things

you'd just as soon forget

you'll take notes in every session

you'll be acing all your tests

I could teach a master class

'cause I do sad the best